How do I (23 M) enjoy life?

Hey guys,

So I’ve been wondering how I’m supposed to enjoy life. I spend my days either at work or school. I do both full time. I have a couple friends but we don’t see each other hardly at all, as they work 9-5’s and I primarily work over the weekends and during the evenings. The only family I have is a brother who is seriously mentally ill and currently in prison. One parent died when I was a boy and the other just wasn’t around.

Every morning I wake up and just say “fuck” because I know I have another day ahead of me. Nobody really speaks to me or seems to want me around. I used to have a girlfriend but we didn’t last longer than two years.

For what it’s worth, I’m doing well both at school and work. I just don’t have anything I enjoy anymore. When I was a kid I liked to go to the boxing gym, read, lift weights, and play video games but now I feel guilty or selfish when I do these things. My thoughts are always on the people who aren’t in my life anymore and I struggle to find a reason to do anything when they’re not around. After work I come home, work on school assignments, and just ride around on Red Dead 2 solo until I’m tired enough to sleep. I don’t enjoy any of it. It’s like I’m a top spinning from momentum alone.

I’m in therapy and school after fucking up my teens and early 20’s, but something is seriously missing. I’m doing what I’m supposed to but I feel miserable every day. How do I start to enjoy any of this?

Sorry for the rambling and shitty writing. I guess I’m still trying to untangle a lot of what I have to say.