We have been together for over 3 years now. I don’t even know where to start. My boyfriend keeps physically hurting me, and I feel so tired and confused. I’ve asked him over and over again to stop, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t take me seriously.
He slaps me on the head when I make a mistake. He bites me so hard that I have bruises all over my neck, shoulders, and back. He hits my back/legs so hard it’s sore for hours. He twists my arms painfully. He squeezes and twists my fingers. Right now one of my fingers can barely bend, and he knows I need my hands for work tomorrow.
Sometimes he even does this when I’m cooking with hot oil or using a knife, like pinching my upper arm when I’m holding something sharp. If you don’t know, that spot hurts like hell when being pinched and your reflexes will kick in to fold the hand so.. yeah, dangerous. I’ve cried from the pain so many times and told him to stop. He knows it hurts me, and he still does it.
When I cry when he hurts me too much, he apologizes in this victim way, like “sorry bro, I won’t do anything anymore, I’ll just keep to myself. I will just mind my own business.” But if I don’t act happy and forgive him right away, he gets angry and yells that I’m making a big deal out of nothing, that he already apologized, and that I’m pushing it too far. He acts like he’s the victim of my drama.
He calls all of this “teasing” or “jokes.” But it’s not a joke. I’m covered in bruises, sore, and exhausted. I feel like no matter how many times I ask him to stop, he doesn’t listen. He gets cocky, acts like I’m the problem, and I’m so, so tired.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to live like this. He says that the bites is how he shows love, but I have so many huge bruises all over me and it’s so sore. Lifting heavy stuff at work is so much harder for me.
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He’s abusing you. Break up with him.
So this is abuse. And you can file charges for him slapping your head and biting you so hard there are bruises, and incapacitating your literal fingers. Document it. Get out of the situation NOW. It will get worse over time, not better. Please, please reach out to people in your life who can help you.
Honest question are you not able to leave the relationship? Because saying “I don’t know what to do” when the only obvious answer is – leave cut ties and possibly even file a restraining order ….i need to understand what’s stopping you?
You don’t. You stay and continue to be abused or you leave your abuser.
He doesn’t care that he hurts you. He enjoys it.
he sounds like an asshole. dump
He is an abuser and it will get worse. You need to leave him.
PS you need to read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. Here is a free PDF. https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
It’s a look inside the minds of angry and controlling men.
This is abuse.
Please get away from him. If you let him continue, he will escalate.
He actually says “sorry bro”?
What is it going to take for you to leave him? He’s clearly never going to stop. Leave while he’s at work somewhere safe
Run – this will escalate and get worse. It’s abuse, leave now.
This is ridiculous. It’s abuse. You’ve said how you feel and he just gaslights you. Get out before he strangles you to death and calls it a hug.
If he actually cared about you, he’d stop doing it when you told him that these acts cause you discomfort, pain and humiliation. But he doesn’t. Your BF is continuing doing these things because he enjoys causing you pain & humiliation.
There is nothing funny, loving or normal about anything that he is doing to you. This is abusive and bullying behaviour and I highly recommend that you exit this relationship.
Come on. Is it a joke if he stabs you with a knife or shoots you with a gun? Get real.
NOPE!!! Get out get out get out!!!!! This is abuse, and you don’t deserve it. It’s also not your job to teach him things, so if he’s not getting what you’re saying when you say you don’t like it- gtfo and don’t look back!!!
I can’t get my head around how you don’t recognise this is abuse! It’s not love. Are you living with him? If so, please contact a woman’s refuge and get out!
You’re being abused. If this is real, you need to leave. How can you possibly think him hurting you to the extent that you can’t even bend your finger anymore isn’t abuse?
Run, run, run away from this violent bully. It will get worse. He will ruin your life if you don’t leave.
He’s not going to stop. In fact, chances are he will only get worse. This is abuse even though he’s trying to get you to believe it’s teasing or jokes. It is not. Get out as soon as you can do so safely. People who love you don’t deliberately hurt you.
I have been married for 19 years and never once has my husband playfully (but purposely) hurt me.
To him, he plays by hurting you because he sees he can. Break up because it will get worse. Abuse starts out this way and escalates and he is training you to accept it and put on a smile after. This is a textbook case of domestic abuse.
This is abuse. It’s not a joke and it never was. This man does not love you or even like you; he takes pleasure in hurting you. If your best friend came
to you and told you that her boyfriend was physically hurting her, would you advise her to stay with him because it’s a just a “joke” or an “act of love”? I think you should leave him, and press charges. He is dangerous and you need to document his violence with the police.
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How do you make a 28 year old adult understand a concept most 6 year olds can grasp? You don’t. You get tf away from him. This isn’t a game, he’s beating you. Idk how you even put “huge bruises” on this post but still asked that question. He knows what he’s doing.
I was like this a couple years back. I think it has some ties to OCD because it’s kind of like a fidgeting you can’t help towards people you love. Unfortunately it’s a thing that takes a lot of time and self insight to stop doing – but to heal from it, one must be aware and direct about stopping one’s behavioral patterns. I would give him an ultimatum: either stop this behavior or you’ll break up with him. Hopefully that will be enough for him to open his eyes on how hurtful it is, even if he does it out of love. What helped me was channeling it to other kinds of touches, like shaking my bf’s arm or breast non-hurtfully. We also have wrestling time to let all my fidgeting out in one go (though, this one might be tough for you, since he’s physically stronger).
There is a man out there who wouldn’t dream of even raising his voice at you for fear of hurting you, who wouldn’t put himself in situations which could cause you emotional damage, and who would consider your feelings in everything he does. This boy, because that’s what he is, an immature BOY, who is also an ABUSER, makes himself the victim in a situation HE CAUSED.
He is not only physically abusing you but emotionally too by his reaction when you tell him to stop.
I’ll tell you where this will go if you don’t leave…
Regular domestic abuse, not even as a joke anymore, it’ll be “I’m sorry, you made me do it”, and then it’ll escalate on to your life being miserable. And possibly fearing for your LIFE one day. This won’t get better. It won’t improve. Take it from someone who’s been there.
You say the relationship is otherwise great, but this is one of those huge deal breaker things that overshadow EVERYTHING else. You need to leave because he is not sage to be around.
It’s one thing to be with someone who lashes out when angry and then apologizes after, it’s also another to be with someone who ENJOYS hurting you as a joke, and then makes themselves the victim when you explain your discomfort.
That’s abuse & you break up with him!
When you said, “My boyfriend keeps physically hurting me” that was enough right there to say, “Leave him, now!! You’re not safe!”
Honey, people who love you would NEVER ever physically harm you or cause you pain on purpose. This is abuse. I am worried that you did not clock it as abuse because of his gaslighting and manipulation making you accept it. This man will hurt you worse eventually. If he is capable of doing this to you when he isn’t upset with you, what could he do to you when he does get angry at you? Please leave as soon as possible. Talk to family. Find somewhere safe to stay and block him. He is not the one.
Assuming this is real and not ragebait…
Leave him
Sometimes people do hurtful things either verbally or physically, and then try to pass it off as a joke when in fact, they were really quite serious about doing it. The joking is a cover-up for the abuse. get out of this relationship because it’s only going to get worse, they’ll keep going further and further if they see that you’ll take it This problem is him not you.
He doesn’t care about you. He WANTS to hurt you.
It’s only a “joke” if both of you find it funny. Otherwise it’s just bullying.
Ummmm girl… this isn’t normal, like at all. If I were you, I would have left after the first time he thought it was okay to hurt me and then tried to flip it on me 🤨 like ex-fucking-scuse me!
He is either into hurting you because he gets off on it, literally. Does he ever run off after hurting you with a smile on his face and disappear for a good 15-30mins..? To go rub one out…? Think about it.
Orrrrrr he’s setting you up for the beating of your life, that YOU will apologize for because he WILL try to make you blame yourself for it.
He’s NOT a good person, and you will either end up in the ground or bloody and blue by the time you do get out 🤷🏻♀️
Break up with this abuser and better over the text not in person (you don’t want him to get violent).
In the US? Free help and/or shelter for domestic violence, which is what this is – hotline.org
He likes causing you pain. A well balanced person does not like causing anyone pain, let alone a person they claim to love.
I would argue that he’s actually worse than a person who beats their partner in anger, because he’s doing it because he enjoys it
He’ll kill you eventually. Get out
I’m not sure why you are allowing this man to assault you over and over again???
File charges and fucking leave.
What r u doing lady?!?!?! How do u not see he is abusing u? This is not love. This is not in good fun. He literally is getting off u causing u pain. This is absolutely not normal behavior. U need to get therapy to figure out how u could possibly think this is ok.
Are you serious? You break up with him. If your bestie came to you telling about her boyfriend biting her, slapping her upside her head, twisting her fingers, beating her back what would you tell her?
You need to run from this and never look back.
This is abuse. He finds it funny to abuse you. Let that sink in.
You really need to leave this relationship and I don’t say that lightly. This is abuse. It’s physical and mental. He likes to make you cry. He doesn’t even need to be mad to do it which tells me he has something really, really wrong with him.
Please, please, please, make an exit plan and follow through. This is not OK.
He’s abusive. It’s not ok. He’s hurting you over and over again because he wants to. He literally gets enjoyment out of causing you pain. HE HURTS YOU FOR FUN. Read that again. It is fun for him. Thats why he keeps doing it and acts like a victim when you rightfully get upset.
You can’t make him stop. You’ve tried everything. He doesn’t care. He really really doesn’t care that you don’t want it. He knows, and he understands, and he keeps doing it because he likes it. HE LIKES IT. Please please understand that you can’t fix this, and you can’t make him stop. You are in actual physical danger every minute you stay with him. You need to leave. It’s been 3 years OP, and it’s only getting worse. How much longer are you going to subject yourself to this torture? How much longer before he escalates to something worse?
This isn’t love. And it doesn’t matter if he’s a perfect amazing boyfriend who loves you so much the other 99% of the time. This is who he really is, and it is dangerous for you. Look at what he’s already done. You have to leave him. There’s no other option.
Whats the joke?
You know how to get him to stop? LEAVE HIS ASS. You don’t want to live like this. THEN DON’T. WTF
You are having to ask how to break up with a man who is ABUSING YOU?? You are in a dangerous situation that will only get worse. Please plan your escape before you end up in hospital. Really. There are resources for you if you need them. Contact domestic violence help in your area.
This is abuse, he is not joking he is assaulting you, dump his ass…
You just brought something to light for me my ex used to do this all the time as well and I viewed it as him just idk being a guy who had a weird love language but with you laying this all out like this it really hit me on how tf I made it out alive like when I was still living with him when I went on a few dates after we had broken up hed sit on the bed with his Bowie knife and one day I snapped and said wtf are you gonna do with that and he panicked and said oh its just incase your date went bad no I saw how he was looking at me he looked like he was going to kill me right then and there until I made myself look bigger and I laughed and said yea okay I can put you on your ass myself and I took it from him all of those little things he was doing was going to lead up to me probably dying if i didnt get out when i did YOU NEED TO GET OUT things are only going to get worse
What you are describing is not teasing. It is physical abuse. Slapping, biting, twisting, pinching, squeezing, leaving bruises, hurting you while you’re holding knives or hot oil are not “jokes.” These are deliberate, violent acts that put you in real physical danger.
This is how abusers escalate. It starts as “playful,” then “teasing,” then “accidents,” then full-on violence. The fact that he apologizes in a victim-like way and then flips to anger when you don’t forgive him immediately is textbook manipulation. HE’S TRAINING YOU TO ACCEPT THE ABUSE AND TO DOUBT YOURSELF AND EXCUSE HIS INTENTIONS!!
This will not stop. It will get worse. The next step is usually even more dangerous injuries, and abusers like this rarely just stop because you ask. If you have children with him, it will trickle over to them too. Imagine him doing this to a baby. Yes, abusers do this exact thing to babies, toddlers, and their children under the guise of being “loving” and showing “affection.”
You are not overreacting. You are not “making a big deal.” He is physically hurting you on purpose. This is abuse. It is not love. Your love, loyalty, warnings, and ultimatums won’t work or change him, ever. And you are absolutely right to want out before it escalates even further. In fact, you need to get out without warning it to him. Take what’s most important such as birth certificates, passports, and change all your passwords to every thing online.
You make him stop by leaving him.and blocking him.
Get away from him as quickly & safely as possible.
The reason he’s abusing you in a “playful” and “well meaning” way is precisely because it allows him to get away with it. He is a true SADIST and someone who has no respect for your very reasonable boundaries. Sadism is ok when it’s CONSENSUAL… when it’s not that’s just plain abuse. No matter how cutesy he goes about it.
From his point of view, no matter what he does, no matter how it hurts, you stay. So why should he stop? Either his empathy is at -100 and he is stupid cause he thinks you are “playing” with him, or he is just mean or has some unresolved issues. You stay, he will continue to keep this up.
He’s been constantly beating you down, not only physically but psychologically (you are powerless) and emotionally (a person who loves you hurts you) for years.
What would you advise a friend/sister in this situation? Read this as if someone else wrote it…
OP, this is insane. Your BF is not a toddler who needs to be reminded to use “soft hands.” He understands, he just likes abusing you and then gaslighting you that it’s not a big deal. You shouldn’t have to tell your grown BF, who loves and respects you, to treat your body gently and kindly.
Girl he is hurting you physically & that is really all that matters, nothing else! You cannot change someone like that, & will maybe (likely) escalate later. His “jokes” are going to injure you or at worst put you in the hospital! Ditch!!!
This is how it starts. He will get MUCH WORSE.
AND of course, it’s not normal for your partner to bite you, pinch you or hurt you on any way. He enjoys having this sick power of you
RUN 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!¡
Get out of there immediately and call the cops. He will continue to escalate if you don’t leave. This genuinely is how people unalive their partners. Please document everything and get to a safe place asap.
This is awful. Please get help. He is abusive and it isn’t a joke. He’s enjoying this then backtracking and doing it again. I hope you don’t live with him. If you do get out while he isn’t there.
He is abusing you! Get out. That is not funny, it’s not love, it’s abuse.
What did I just read? He is a sadist and you LEAVE him, you save yourself… You block him, bin his cruel uncaring sorry ass and never look back. Do not listen to him or anyone else, he hurts you repeatedly and doesn’t care! This is NOT love.
he’s hurting you (abuse) then manipulating you & playing victim (also abuse) then telling you it’s a joke or because he loves you (more abuse). you’re in a abusive relationship. your partner is physically abusing you. you need to leave.
He is abusive and unstable. This will only get worse. You need to contact your local domestic violence support organization. They can help you to file charges, plan your escape and get counseling. This is not your fault and you need to get out of there ASAP.
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If you were a dog, you wouldn’t put up with this. The way you train him is to leave him. Sorry.
He won’t stop BECAUSE HE LIKES HURTING YOU. Please leave.
Easy, you break up with him. This isn’t healthy and he’s not gonna change.
Call the police, show them the bruises, and have them remove him from your home. Go to the doctor, have your finger looked at to make sure it doesn’t need treatment to heal properly. As others have said, just because he calls it a joke doesn’t make it so. If a friend showed you the same marks that someone who “loves” them caused, what would you tell that friend? Would you say they were being dramatic, and it’s just a joke?
This is assault and battery-plus Domestic violence. I hate this and I’m so sad and mad for you. Do you have family nearby. You need to escape this. You need to document all the bites and hits and violence. Contact a DV shelter or an attorney please.
Why are you still with him? He is abusing you. Don’t stay until you seriously get injured. Leave him now. It will eventually get worse.
If he was doing it as a joke or a cute act of love, he would be horrified by your negative reaction and stop doing it.
Its not about your feelings at all, he gets something out of hurting you and forcing you to act like you enjoy it. That’s why he throws a fit if you don’t go along with it.
People don’t do things they know their partners will hate as an act of love, it’s an act of showing power or dominance over you, and it’s about inflating his ego.
Seriously, people get the wrong idea or do something stupid like this all the time, and they just feel awful and embarrassed when it doesn’t land. They absolutely don’t continue doing it and they absolutely don’t act like a baby for you not liking it. That’s just not healthy adult behavior.
This guy needs help and a lot of work, and none of that is your job or responsibility. You need to get away from him. Please.
Why are you with someone like this? The wat you stop him is you remove yourself from the situation. Leave
He’s abusive. He’s physically abusing you.
If you’ve been asking for 3 years and he hasn’t listened, he’s either an idiot or doing it on purpose or both. I’d go for both! Dump him because now you know he will NOT change.
How do you get him to stop hurting you as an “act of love”?
Leave him.
It really is the equivalent of saying, “I didn’t rape you, I was just overwhelmed with love and desire! Love and desire is good, right? You’re just too sensitive.” Get Out Now.
You are being physically abused. Get out now before this escalates and you end up in a body bag.
How are you even asking this? He’s HURTING YOU.
Be careful, get a plan and have help moving out. Abusers often escalate when their victims try to escape.
This is so crazy. How can you even listen to much less believe someone who is telling you he is not hurting you when he is clearly hurting you?
No advice other than to consult hotlines about domestic violence and safely leaving. This sounds like someone who gets real pleasure from hurting you and might go much much farther if he gets any hint of your getting out of his power.
By the way, my family also loved my charming abusive husband and was convinced for a long time that he was really the one who had ended it because why would I leave such a wonderful man. So not a whole lot of support there, but I did it and I hope you can too.
You don’t have a boyfriend, you have a bully.
Leave him.
If not, it WILL get worse (and of course you have noticed it already has since your begginning).
He’s physically and psychologically abusing you please reach out to friends or family for support. When he goes to work pack up your stuff and run. Document the bruises with photos especially as they progress.
You are a battered woman in an abusive relationship. Please make a plan for your safety.
Updateme!
If he says he will stop telling him that was the last time and it’s over if he does it again. Then immediately leave. Count up all of the times he’s said he would stop and use that as the “last time I promise” and leave when he’s out of the house. He does it because he enjoys hurting you, that’s the only reason. That and he gets the rest of the boyfriend benefits. You still have sex with him? Clean and cook and he gets to hurt you? That’s why. Leave now.
This is abuse. He is abusive. You are being abused.
He’s not showing love, he is abusing you, plain and simple. You need to get away from him as quickly as possible. Don’t tell him that you are leaving! Get all your possessions and half of any jointly owned property or money while he is gone.
Jesus Christ. Listen to the other comments telling you this is abuse and to leave. It’s like he’s a dog and you’re his chewtoy to hurt and play with
Literal abuse. Gtfo
Your BF is physically abusing you. Please make an exit plan and get out. Or call the police and ask for a safe escort.