Hey,
I (23M) matched with a girl (23F) about 2 weeks ago. We’ve been texting a lot and already went on 3 dates in a week:
- first (Sunday): long walk + drinks, great conversations, goodbye kiss
- second (Tuesday): cinema + chatting about the movie, we both uninstalled the app after
- third (Wednesday): she invited me to hang out with her friend and her friend’s boyfriend, we had wine and TV, I ended up staying the night (wasn’t planned, but it was late and I live far). We slept together, and the next day we both worked remotely from her place and had a nice, slightly hungover day.
After that she texted me saying:
- things feel like they’re moving too fast, like we’re acting like a couple after only 2 weeks
- she broke up with her ex 2 months ago and is still processing that, so she’s a bit hurt and scared
- it’s new for her that I’m putting in effort for the relationship, since in the past she always had to be the one trying
But she does want to keep dating, which I’m really happy about. The thing is, I really like her. I haven’t felt this kind of chemistry with anyone probably since my first relationship (7 years ago). I don’t want this to burn out just because we rushed things. So my question is: how do I actually slow it down? Does that mean fewer dates (like 1–2 a week max) and less texting/calls? What’s a healthy pace at this stage?
We already have another date planned for Saturday (film festival movies). I also have some fun ideas saved for future dates. But I want to make sure I don’t overwhelm her while still showing interest.
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I would talk to her about it. This way you make sure that you are both on the same page. Just go with what feels right.
You communicate with her, work on the issue together. It will only work if both people in the relationship want to make it work
Ask her what would she like to see from you.
Ask her what slowing things down looks like for her. She knows what she is comfortable with.
In this stage 1-2 times a week is great. Keep making other plans with friends as well. Make sure to maintain your social life that’s unrelated to her. Ask her how she wants to go about texting. I think that’s a big one, the constant texting can ruin more things than you’d expect. Might be good to move 80% of the conversations to face to face. That way you avoid misunderstandings as well and make sure that when you don’t see each other it doesn’t feel like you’re in contact regardless. Good luck!