My (25f) girlfriend (26f) have been together for a year and it’s been amazing and pretty perfect so far. Over the past few months she gained maybe a little bit of weight but barely any to the point that I can barely even notice. She’s the most attractive woman I’ve ever seen, I’m madly in love with her heart and soul and even if she had gained a lot of weight I would still love her. But she hasn’t.
Because of this she has been getting more insecure about her body, she doesn’t feel sexy any more and we have sex less. This is ok but it breaks my heart when she calls herself fat or when I tell her she’s beautiful or sexy and I can see in her eyes she doesn’t believe me anymore.
What can I do to make her feel less insecure and make her feel attractive again? I tell her everyday that she’s beautiful but it doesn’t help. She’s trying to lose weight now which I guess could help but as women our bodies fluctuate and I want to give her the confidence in herself that even if she gains or loses weight she still feels good about herself.
Anyone been through this and have any tips?
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Post a picture here and show her the replies.
Kidding lol that’s a her thing man, she needs to see it herself. Self esteem issues tend to run deep
My situation is not yours. However. I used to have a girlfriend who was much more curvy than me (she’s eastern european, I am typical flat chested french girl). To make her feel good about her body, which I adored, I would give lots of physical affection paired with verbal affection about her body. It’s hard to hate your curves when someone is grabbing them and repeating how beautiful and sexy you are and not giving you an option but to blush. I felt like James Bond or James Dean or something 😂 the point is to train the brain away from hate. Whenever she was self deprecating I would make a point of making her feel good. And also at other points. But don’t let her get away with it in those moments. Don’t despair, but distract and uplift.
In the long term though you have to help her dissociate weight with negativity though. Every person is different. Does she judge others for their weight? She has to stop doing that if she wants to not do it to herself. Best of luck.
It’s her own perception so that will be hard to change. It’s like the ladies who aren’t really that attractive but they’ll tell everyone they are in the tops. So again, that’s their perspective.
She may need therapy more than you telling her or even people on reddit rating her up on those subs.
Show her how attractive she is and how in love you are. Words have meaning but actions reinforce it. Get her flowers. Take her out for dates. And if she’s concerned join a gym or do an activity with her that’s something you both do together. Women, even the most attractive ones always seem to have body image issues. It’s societal and something us men can’t truly understand. Don’t try to understand the why. Show her why not. Good luck
Many people have negative self talk, it comes from being devalued during our formative years (birth to eight years old). During that time, if someone we trusted hurt our self-esteem or devalued us or abused us, it would be deeply ingrained in our psyche.
Unfortunately, there is nothing anyone can do externally to stop the self-deprecating. The only way to even help is for the person to do hourly and daily positive affirmations about themselves. Basically, a mantra spoken out loud and felt that they are worthy, beautiful, sexy and loved.
As someone who loves her, introduce her to this. There are YouTube videos regarding positive affirmations. Through consistent repetition, we can change our negative self talk.
Something you can do, is when she is fast asleep whisper in her ear how much she is loved, how beautiful she is, how sexy she is etc. You will be accessing her subconscious mind, which is where the self-deprecating talk comes from.
Good luck
OP’s girlfriend should take her partner’s genuine praise to heart, after all, loving someone means seeing their true beauty beyond the surface level. That said, it might help if he could subtly shift the focus from her looks to other qualities he admires about her character.
If you tell her how you see her all the time, haven’t lessened initiating intimacy, and haven’t been caught looking at other girls, it’s not really on you. Our (females) insecurities come from a lot of things and yes a lot of times the way we think our partners see us is part of it, but it seems hers is due to the way she sees herself. If she’s not happy with herself, no amount of you urging her otherwise is going to change that. If she’s trying to get back to the version of herself she’s happy with I say just let her. As long as she’s not harming herself or doing it in an unhealthy way. Support her on her journey and just keep being there for her.
Me personally, generic “you’re beautiful” comments roll right off my back. They’re meaningless and show zero actual intent, it’s like my brain just goes “yeah whatever.”
Be specific in your words. Be affectionate with your compliments. Show appreciation physically.
If my other half says “your bum looks good in those jeans” or “I like you in that colour” it means more. He’s paying attention to me, aspects of me, he’s noticing. Pay attention to the little things she does and likes about herself as well as what you do.
I also appreciate overt OTT humour to break down my boundaries before compliments. It doesn’t give my brain time to dismiss whatever you say. Think if she walks into a room after she’s clearly made an effort with her appearance….. LOUDLY state “DAMN GIRL, who’s this queen walking in here?!” Give her time to soak up your attention and make a fuss. It’s silly, but you make her the focus in a good humoured way. I would literally lap it up like a preening cat.
Other more ahem explicit comments about how you physically appreciate her appearance might be a better angle to go down. Like, you looking like that makes me feel like this. It shows you pay attention and there are actual things you like and appreciate about her. If she’s comfortable with that.
Also Being unafraid to be tactile with your affection shows you find her body appealing and not something to be avoided. (Obviously within her personal boundaries)