Hey everyone. I (27F) am completely at a loss about what to do about my sister (18F). I honestly don’t know where to start so here’s some context: My sister, “Penny”, went missing for 16 hours when she was 17. Literally on the national missing persons registry for 14 of those hours. She called my mom the next day asking for a ride like nothing happened. Cool, we didn’t necessarily “get over it” but she didn’t give us much of a choice because she refused to tell anyone where she was and why she let her phone die when she had a charger.
Months go by and she’s acting normal, joking, laying around, doing teenager stuff. She graduated (barely) and really didn’t attempt to do anything after, like, she had no aspirations or goals when she used to have a bunch. Anyway, about a week before her 18th birthday, which was at the beginning of July, she texted our mom that she’s a “grown woman” now that she graduated and she needs to get out of that “toxic house”. For context, the house was toxic but come to find out it wasn’t my mom or my other siblings, it was her. Some examples would be not doing chores, not taking out HER dog which resulted in the dog relieving herself in the house several times a day, stealing my other siblings things and then getting mad when they ask for their stuff back, actively destroying other people’s things by not taking care of them properly, etc,. Side note: Both of my siblings who lived in the house with her are much more talkative and energetic and just overall happier. My mom, however is heartbroken.
Turns out, the first time she went missing, she was with the guy who she ran away for. The guy she ran away for is a full grown adult and has been an adult for a while. He refuses to tell me his actual age which lets me know that he was dating her while she was underage and it makes me sick. He is actually the reason I’m seeking advice.
Her “boyfriend” called me using her phone and tried to start a conversation because I’m the “level-headed one” and “we’re supposed to be cool”. I don’t think it needs to be said that I actually hate him, but I can’t stand him. I’m only being cordial so my sister doesn’t cut me off. I didn’t want to engage in a conversation with him but he had my sister’s phone and I really just wanted to talk to her. The short conversation led to him telling me that he’s going to get my sister a new phone, an iPhone, and I should get one too so I could facetime Penny. Before I say this next part it is important to know that me and my siblings are mixed (black and filipino) and Penny’s boyfriend is blackity black; I said to him verbatim, “N***a, I ain’t getting no iPhone. I like my lil android.” That sentence TRIGGERED him. He sent me voice note after voice note telling me how disrespectful I am for calling him out of his name and how he’s an “educated entrepreneur” and “no wonder she don’t wanna see y’all. Y’all all the same.” Blah blah blah.
I left out a lot for the sake of word count but I am at my wit’s end right now. All I want it for my sister to come back home and start acting normal again. She was acting so weird the past few years and now I know why: She’s been brainwashed by a pedophile but she doesn’t care because she’s been so selfish. She doesn’t care that I’m tearing my hair out, or my mom cries about her, or that all of her other siblings have cut her off. I can see where this relationship is going, and as a domestic abuse survivor I would do anything to stop it. Please, if anyone has been in a situation like this or has gotten your sibling or daughter or friend out of a situation like this I need help. I don’t know what else to do. I’m desperate and I feel like I have a front row seat to watch this grown ass man destroy my sister and who she was.
TL;DR: My (27F) sister (18F) ran away with a pedo and changed her entire personality. How do I get her back?