I’m hoping to have this conversation with my partner for the last time, or at least make progress as none of the other times we’ve talked about it have led to anything that feels like progress. The gist of the situation is that I really want kids, and so does he, but he has significant hangups about money and feels that the current political climate makes pregnancy riskier than it already is.
I don’t want to diminish his concerns, as they are very valid reasons. However, we’ve been together for 6 years now and have been talking about this for 2 of those years, and not only am I getting older but also it’s something that’s really important to me and I haven’t been able to get him to agree to any sort of compromise, even something like preconception counseling. The best I’ve gotten is that we’ll think about it in a few years. It’s been years, and I’m trying to figure out if there’s anything I can say to try and reach a compromise, or if this is important enough to me to end the relationship.
TL;DR: I want kids, but my partner doesn’t feel ready yet. Any advice on how to talk to him or what to do would be appreciated.
Comments
Differing opinions on kids is 100% important enough to end a relationship over. I’m sympathetic to the line of thought of “do I really want to bring a kid into this world” but at the end of the day, he just has to answer that question for himself. You are 27, you probably can’t put this off any longer (which is to say, you don’t need to have kids now, but you are verging on biological realities if you put off even thinking about it for 3-5 years, then have to go through a breakup, then start dating again, etc… 10 years could fly by).
I think you just need to be very direct with him. You want kids, you need to know if he does or doesn’t, and you need a timeline. It’s that important.
Do you live in a red or blue state? While his concern for money is valid, the desire to have kids trumps that imo. But he’s also only 25…