TL;DR I made a post asking advice about my new boyfriend and that I was scared to give up my virginity so quickly. Things definitely moved fast for us. This was literally only our second time together.
But I wanted it just as bad too. There was soo much desire. I can now say I lost my virginity at 28 from several years of a sexless relationship
Anyways I lost it last night. It did not hurt but felt uncomfortable. I did not bleed surprisingly. He even stayed all night at my house and slept in our underwear next to each other. We also took a shower together.
We’ve still been texting all day like we usually would. He’s been calling me babe and hun. But I still have that fear in the back of my mind that he’s going to leave now that he got a virgin. He keeps her reassuring me that’s not going to happen.
I just have a hard time trusting because once I gave oral sex to someone only to be told he didn’t want anything to do with me afterwards. I also went on a date where after 10 minutes into the day he was asking to bring out his condoms. I dodge the bullet there.
It’s not fair to my new boyfriend to compare him to the guys that have done me wrong. But I have major anxiety disorder. Could I have advice to get the fear out of my head that way I don’t let anxiety ruin what could potentially be a good relationship?
Comments
Therapy. This is what therapy is for.
All he can do is prove his trustworthiness through being trustworthy. There’s no logical way to prove that someone is trustworthy; you have to build up a track record of increasing the trust over time.
You’ve known him a week, from your previous post. You maybe didn’t have enough time to establish a lot of things to give you the sense of security you seek. This doesn’t mean you can’t keep building that trust…just that something like having sex doesn’t do it. it will take other actions over time to do that. See how you feel in another week.
If you are seeing a therapist, you can ask them what you might do.
Normally, I’d suggest asking your boyfriend why he wants you in his life. But I don’t know if you’ve decided that you both want that or not, or have decided to be exclusive, or anything like that. You could still ask him, but listen to what he says.