Hello,
I have been with my gf for about 7 months now. We’ve known each other for 1 year in total. We are pretty committed; she introduced me to her parents and I introduced her to mine just last month, and we are planning to move in together in about 2 months.
Early in our relationship there have been things happening without my knowledge that I only figured out after a few months after our relationship started.
For example, she met with a friendzoned guy to give ‘closure’ upon his request without my knowledge. She texted this guy an emotional message after they met telling him how good of a guy he is and he treated her greatly and so on. I didn’t know about this happening at all. Which made me feel blinded.
A second things, was that I found out she was keeping contact with exs, wishing them happy birthdays, sending one of them an old photo of them together describing how good of a photo it was. To be honest the conversation didn’t involve flirting but sending a message like that is obviously emotionally loaded.
Last example is, when we started a relationship she told me that she hadn’t slept with anyone after knowing me, but I confessed that I did. After a few months, I pushed for an answer regarding this and she confessed to sleeping with one guy, who she still had some form of contact with (I don’t know to which extent besides replying to her Instagram stories flirtatiously).
She has cut contact off from with these guys and there is growth for sure. And I really want to let go of the past as I just assigned this as early relationship adjustment, but I just cannot do it. We had multiple conversations about hiding these stuff, and there’s basically nothing that makes it ease down.
It’s even making me want to ask her to remove these guys from her Instagram account which I feel really weird about.
How can I possibly deal with this? I want to see this relationship through.
TL;DR: My girlfriend and I have been dating for seven months, and we are serious. We have introduced our families to one another and are preparing to move in together shortly. However, I discovered early on in the relationship that she had contact with her exs, lied about not sleeping with anyone when we were casual, and had met with a person she used to like. Even though she has now severed those connections and I see progress, I still feel uneasy and find it difficult to let go. My feelings are being affected, and I’m even thinking of asking her to take them down from social media. Despite my struggles with the past, I want this relationship to succeed.
Comments
You are not ready to be in a relationship. She hasn’t done anything wrong. She can remain friends with exs because she has decided they are friendships and not romantic relationships. You are the person who is insecure and controlling about who she talks too. You are the person who needs emotional growth.
we are planning to move in together in about 2 months.
It’s only been 7 months and you’re with someone who lies and cheats. Already, there’s been way too much drama. That’s why the above makes my brain melt. How is living together going to fix this?! Clearly, you don’t trust her and you have valid reason for this.
Also, you keep saying you want this to last. Why? If it’s your first “serious” relationship, that explains part of it, but your decision making on both sides is scary.
Figure out how to get out of the lease you signed. Then try to figure out why you’re clinging so desperately to her. It doesn’t have to be like this!