So my girlfriend and I have been together for almost four years and we have a 10 month old son together. At the beginning of our relationship we had typical issues but for the most part it was great and I love her so much. The issues started after she got pregnant and the hormones were up and down and I admit I was not the best partner to her. She stated that the pregnancy was traumatic for her and I completely understand where she’s coming from but we worked through it and had our healthy baby boy.
She has not worked since about two weeks before our son was born (which had almost been a year) and she has began to start retreating to herself and becoming more and more emotionally distant along with stress to the point that her hair as started falling out. She also hates the way her body is after the pregnancy even though I constantly let her know how attractive and beautiful she is. She is has also had a hard time finding work too and she has been looking for about three months.
Since she has not been successful in finding work her frustrations have been subtly taken out on me such as reduced intimacy, silent treatment, a general sour-faced attitude and she refuses to allow me to assist her with most things. I usually as her what is bothering her and she isn’t ever truthful with me until she gets overwhelmed. I think that she is trying to regain some level of independence since she has been a stay at home mom ever since our son was born and I have been the primary breadwinner. I hate seeing her this way and I would love some guidance on how I can ease her through this trying time in our life because I really love her and I want her to know that she will always have my support.
TL;DR My girlfriend is stressed due to not being happy with her appearance and not being able to contribute financially to our household and as her partner I’m looking for advice on how I can support her and hopefully bring her out of this funk she’s in.
Comments
Encourage her to seek professional help and consider couples counseling for support together.
She’s likely struggling with postpartum depression. This backed up with being unable to find work probably means her self esteem is at an all time low.
I don’t like how your major concern is how she’s ‘taking it out on you’ by not having sex with you & giving you the silent treatment. Firstly, sex hormones can take a long time to go back to normal after childbirth, not to mention the physical changes she’s experienced. Secondly, I seriously hope you don’t say these things to her, cause I’d give you the silent treatment too.
You need to gently (GENTLY!!) push her to get the help she needs. Not sure what kind of support there is available for her because idk where you live, but Google is free. Perhaps you could ask a family member or friend, someone she trusts for help with this. It might be too raw coming from you. And perhaps instead of focusing on how her state is affecting you, ask her how you can be a better partner to her. I appreciate that you’re the one who’s bringing home the bacon currently but sometimes we have to give unequal effort when the other person needs it, that’s just how it is.
Please be patient with her. Having a child is a big deal.