We’ve been dating just under a year and I knew he was a crossdresser going into it and was upfront that I wasn’t sure how I felt about “being” with his femme presentation. After some time I realized I’m just not attracted to his femme look, even though “she” is pretty and I am bisexual. The attraction just isn’t there. I think a lot of different woman are pretty who I’m simultaneously not attracted to. I don’t want to hurt his feelings and want to go about discussing this with him in a very kind way that honors who he is. I think he got his hopes up because I am bi and he asks about how pretty he looks in certain looks, I think trying to get a gauge how I feel. He’s even said things like he’s a perfect match for a bi woman because of his dual presentation. I know I’m going to let him down, but just looking for advice on how to approach explaining it because my mind is spinning a bit! Thank you!
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I have no fucking clue how to assist you with telling your husband he’s not a pretty lady.
You can’t talk to him about it without hurting his feelings, just accept that it’s going to happen no matter how nice you are about it. Just be straight forward, you could pretty much read what you’ve written here because none of it is dismissive or unkind- you’re just not into it.
The conversation you need to have immediately after you tell him is if the two of you are compatible to continue the relationship. They way this is written, cross dressing doesn’t sound like a small interest he occasionally engages in- it’s a big part of who he is, and he entered into a relationship with you under the impression that you would like it. The fact that you don’t could mean that you’re not the right fit for him.
Tell him you’ve discovered you have more straight attractions than lesbian. And for your relationship to continue then he has to do away with the lady look in your presence.
Yes this hard one
“You look good just not in any way that turns me on”
Maybe I’m biased because I’m goth so I’m used to drawing a distinction between someone thinking that I got my eyeliner right and someone being into guys who wear eyeliner, but this doesn’t seem like it should be a huge deal.
How often does he do it? Does he expect you to be actively into it like a kink? If it’s a rare thing I would just keep it to yourself. What is your end goal in telling him this?
Wow wth did I stumble into
Bot/fake account. Move along.
Um exactly this. Im not attracted to you when u are crossdressing. Im sorry because i understand u enjoy it, however i have tried to get past it and i can’t.
And whose fault is that? Yours. You knew he was a cross dresser. He didn’t hide it. Accept it or don’t.
Are you put off by him when he’s crossdressing, or is it just something you’re not actively attracted to? You did mention that he’s pretty so I’m presuming it doesn’t outright give you the “ick”?
It’s hard to tell because the sentiment really depends on tone, but him asking how pretty he looks while crossdressing could either be in the ‘platonic’ (okay, you’re dating, but you know what I mean) way women tend to hype each other up, or it could be flirtatious.
If you’re genuinely finding the crossdressing offputting or if he’s trying to flirt with you by using crossdressing as a vehicle to do so, then you probably need to have a conversation. However, if you’re just passively disinterested in the whole thing and he’s not expecting you to be flirty about it, then to be honest you don’t really need to address this?
I’ll admit that I’m not too up to date on drag culture/etc so I may be way off base, but parts of the way you’re describing this kind of sound adjacent to genderfluidity and not just crossdressing? And if it’s more of a genderfluid thing then this does absolutely need to be addressed since you’re not just not experiencing attraction to “him in a certain outfit” but “him as an actual person some percentage of the time”.
I have dated a couple of cross-dressers and I’m not bi. One I was not attracted to when femme presenting because of his behavior and affectations. He seemed to fetishize everything I hate about being a woman. He knew his cross-dressing was something I accepted and even encouraged for his self-expression, but not something I would participate in. I helped him find self-acceptance and then we both moved on.
The other was fun!! He was like having a living doll I could dress up, and it delighted both of us, even though it wasn’t sexual for me. Thrift shopping with him was a blast! That one lasted longer and gave me many fond memories.
Point being, attraction is based on a lot more than appearance. I’m guessing when your bf femme presents he is also presenting as a personality you aren’t attracted to. It’s hard to tell him that if it’s true. All you can say is yes, you’re pretty, but not in a way that arouses me. Good luck!
Play Aerosmith “dude looks like a lady” and tell him.
Your just not compatible, you warned him you were unsure. Just be honest,because the longer you delay the inevitable the more painful it will be
So let his femme self be your bestie and his masculine self take you to bone town.