We have been together for nearly a decade. She was by all accounts the love of my life. I’ve never been so close to a person. We have the same sense of humor, same interests, we had our routine, and we created a genuinely beautiful life together. I worshipped the ground this woman walked on. To say things were perfect would be an absolute lie. However, being her husband was the greatest gift in my eyes. She cheated on me a year into our marriage. She has bipolar disorder and a long history of trauma and I was able to forgive her. We went to marriage counseling and life got better. I gave her my trust.
I was not a perfect husband. But I tried to give her the world. She took care of me when I needed her the most. And I like to think I did the same for her.
Over the last year she has had multiple times of telling me she wants to be done. But I’ve asked her, are you still in love with me? She said yes. I’ve asked her if she’s still happy and she would tell me that she was mostly happy. And so I would talk her out of leaving because it made no sense. That was my mistake. You don’t stay with someone who tells you multiple times they want to leave. But I trusted her when she’d tell me she was still in love with me.
Friday night she found a reason to be angry, and it snowballed. She left the house. She went to someone’s house that I did not know. And I only know where she went because I saw a number she called that I didn’t recognize. She said it was a high school friend. A girl. But I looked the number up and a guy’s name came up. I asked her again and she admitted he was who she was with. But she said it was because he was the only one who responded. Long story short, I’ve been seeing that they have been texting non-stop since Sunday. Because Sunday was when she came back to the apartment we lived in. I say that because now I’m living with my mother. I wanted to try a separation. But I’ve been looking at her phone usage due to my suspicions. She texts him the whole day. Until 3 in the morning. So today I just called her and asked, and she admitted she had reached out to him a couple of weeks ago. She says she loves him. I’m crushed in a way I can’t describe. I can’t sleep because I don’t want to dream. I don’t want to think about someone being with the woman who has been my wife for almost a decade. Apparently the guy is in the process of divorce himself.
There’s a peace in knowing the truth. But it’s a different kind of grief I’m feeling. I had hope before. But now, I feel the actual death of my marriage. Do I think what she’s doing is smart. Not at all. We had a beautiful life. And she’s in love with this guy after 2 weeks? She has someone to talk to now while she goes to bed. She has someone to be excited about. While I’m now living with my mother and my cats.
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That will end in a break up too
he was the only one who responded…sometimes it feels so unreal how easy to fool men. just like that, or like making your “bipolar” as an excuse to fuck with somebody else and get away with that. you know the answer, and you knew the answer long time ago, to the streets my friend, to the streets where she belongs
You’re 33 and in the prime of your life. Take a break from dating, regroup, and come back stronger. Sounds like there were red flags and you ignored them. Take this as a learning experience. Stay strong.
She bipolar. So this is on brand. Is she under treatment, is this a manic episode?
This sounds really painful. You’ve invested a lot, loved and repaired and trusted. Her behavior is more about her than you. I suggest getting a therapist to help support you during this time. She has someone to talk to and so should you. Focus on keeping your spirit strong. Don’t wallow. Just go out into the world and breathe. You’ll be able to move forward, whatever that looks like.
She tried to break it off many times recently from what you’ve said and I doubt it’s as rosy from your end as you’ve tried to portray. That said, if she wanted to go that badly then you can’t force her to stay. She doesn’t feel the same about you and you need to accept it and take the steps to move on.
Neither of you are really “old” so I guess look at it as an opportunity for growth, self reflection, and vast improvement. Work in you so you can be a better partner for whatever is next. Maybe even get some counseling. Whatever you do, just don’t sit around wondering “why” cause it doesn’t really matter in the end.
OP This marriage is unfortunately over.
You need to accept that and move on. However i am very certain that when her boyfriend situation doesn’t work out, she’ll come back, trying to reconcile with you, because after 10 years of marriage she is most certainly afraid to be alone. You need to stand your ground and not take her back, because it won’t do you any good. The reality is that she cheated… again. So if you give her another chance, it will be another chance for her to prove to you that she can cheat once more. Don’t fall for it. You deserve better.
Take some time, work on yourself, talk to a professional and when you feel comfortable find someone who deserves you truly.
This dude will dump her at the first sign of trouble.
Guess where she will try and go?
You have some happy memories. The woman you fell in love with has changed, for the worst. She is showing you the new her. Listen.
You are not together now.
Don’t take her back. Move forward with your life.
Counseling and move on as hard as that sounds. You owe yourself a future and normally life.
When the smoke clears and this is all behind you, you’re going to start to realize how stressful and toxic this all was. I think it’s fantastic that you were still able to see the good in her but it sounds like she was an extremely taxing partner to have- cheated on you, round after round of threatening to leave but emotional attachment yo-yoing, BPD rollercoaster rides and manipulative lies. This was not a good relationship, OP. You care and that absolutely matters but she is a tornado.
You did your best and she blew up anyways. I think the time will come sooner than later that you’ll come to see this as a blessing and you’ll find someone who will make you relieved this happened. Good luck OP, you deserve way better than that.