As someone who is turning 31, I thought I would be closer to accepting my body and its many flaws. But it’s actually getting harder to not compare myself to other women. Their glass skin, their perfect hairless bodies, their flatter tummies… It’s gotten to the point where I will sometimes zoom into their selfies or stare at them in person in complete awe/jealousy trying to find some sort of flaw or sign that they’re human like me. I have pores, I have redness, bumps, hair everywhere and not just on my head, but these days.. I see women who have very little flaws even in person. So the whole “it’s just filters” doesn’t give me that comfort or reassurance anymore as sad as that sounds.
I’m trying to get to the point where if I cannot actually tackle or work on my “flaws” like my hair, acne, etc… then I’ll have to accept that my body was simply created this way. That I have hair on my tummy, ass, even on my boobs… and it’s okay. That I have texture, bumps and discoloration on my inner thighs. I don’t need to go above and beyond to get rid of it all or berate myself for it.
But it’s so incredibly hard. Social media is getting harder to use. Even seeing women in real life is getting harder to do and that’s ridiculous because I have to live my life and be a part of society. I fixate on their physical appearance and I start to hate myself for it.
For those that struggled with accepting their body for how it exists, what helped? What books, podcasts or other resources helped? Did therapy help? If I cannot get to loving it, I at least want to feel neutral about it. I read that body neutrality is a more realistic goal than body positivity. Just acknowledging my body and appreciating it for all it does for me. But would love to genuinely love my body and be comfortable in it, especially if I will let someone have access to it one day. I want to feel good. I want to stop caring and be free.
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Um… are you looking at actual humans? Because I see plenty of women around me with flaws, even beautiful women with flaws. Are you really seeing what’s out there, or is a mental filter getting in your way?
You need to seek professional help.
You should read this Reddit post, girlfriend… Free yourself. It doesn’t matter.
Remember the photo isnt the life of you.
The woman with a glass skin might hate her legs. The woman with thick hair might hate her nose. No one is pure perfection, and what does that even mean? And when you “see it” in like models or celebrities, remember always that they 99% do fillers, have had some kind of work done and have professionals to help them look like that. Yes, even your favourite who looks so natural.
You are healthy, your body carries you through this life so be grateful for it, for all the others that don’t have that luxury (eg disabled people), and work with what you have, it’s what makes you YOU
Get off your phone. Its that simple.
A gratitude practice can be game changer. List 1-3 things about your body that you are grateful for every day, and you will likely be surprised by the results
Print copies of pictures of yourself when you were a little girl… think 5-6. Put them all over your apartment. The most significant mindset shift happened to me when I started looking at that little girl and how much badly I was talking to her. Any moment you compare and it results in some negative self-talk or just not loving yourself, think of her. How would you feel if that girl came up to you sharing what you just wrote? What would you tell her?
Look at yourself naked. Look at your lady bits. Marvel at how beautiful and cute you are. Tell yourself until you believe it. Masterbate and learn your body and what feels good. Surround yourself with beautiful real women who love you. Think about all the things outside of your looks that you love about yourself.
Other people being beautiful doesn’t take away from your beauty. If any of these beautiful people are close to you ask what they do for self care. Try it out for yourself.
I think you should talk to a therapist. I have my days where I noticed my flaws and other days where I feel more confident in myself. When I’m on social media I’m not obsessing over someone else’s supposed perfection. If I was I would have to get off of social media for my own sanity. Just like right now I can’t read or watch much news because it gives me major anxiety. I had to limit it and unfollowed news sources on social media. I think you can get to a point where you’re more accepting of yourself but you might need the help of a professional to get there
Delete all your social media because it’s fake anyway. If you look at real people out and about, you’ll see the vast majority of them are not perfect either.
What helped me weirdly was a back injury. I couldn’t work out or be active for a while and I missed it so much. Ever since I’ve just felt grateful for getting my mobility back, my body lets me do the things I love and I love it for it.
Beyond that tho, the book Positive Intelligence could be a game changer for you if you let it.
Also as weird as it sounds, beefing up your sex toy collection and working your way to some world class alone time. Hard to hate a body that makes you feel like magic haha.
Honestly I get where you are coming from. The biggest advice I have is to get off of social media. I kept looking for reassurance, or tips and hacks. Style tips, trending makeup etc etc to try and make myself look different or look like them! And the reality is. We don’t! And that’s OK.
I got off socials except Reddit and yes I still see beautiful women on the streets and also gaze but then I remember, MOST people do a lot for their own maintenance. that girl with the beautiful lashes brows and long hair , news flash most likely . It’s all fake and or highly maintained!! They spend 100s of dollars on waxing , laser, extensions, lashes, nails.
So get off the socials so you can have a better lens of yourself. Start doing small self care rituals.
For me I researched a quality skin care that I felt good about purchasing and felt good on my skin! Now I look forward to my full exfoliating shower every week! It feels really good to do something for yourself. Over time as you build these for yourself. You will learn to love yourself over time and find clothes, products etc that suit YOUR style and YOUR image!
Invest in yourself!!
And don’t be afraid to complement someone! People will share their tips and tricks, or maybe you’ll see how curated their look is. Most people don’t “wake up like this” and for those that do. Good for you!!
I’m wondering if you have PCOS or thyroid issues due to some of your appearance symptoms. Talking to your doctor & join some support groups if you do.
Beyond that jealousy is something that makes your life worse as well as those you take it out on. I’ve had times when I looked better or worse over the years. I can tell you most other women are just trying to make the best of themselves not judging and competing with you.
Get off social media. It will solve 90% of this problem.
For me, once I realized that the concept of women looking pretty was essentially all about women taking up less space, appeasing men, and making big companies (of mostly men) money, it was easy to do.
Liking yourself and your body is one of the most powerful things you can do. Doesn’t mean it’s easy though.
Whenever I see an advertisement, hear a comment, etc. in regards to women acting or appearing a certain way, I think to myself, “Who does this benefit?” Hint: it’s not you.
It’s always about money, subjugation, and control if you get to the base of the matter. It’s really pathetic if you look at it – and I mean that in regards to the people that promote this type of thinking. What does that say about THEM instead of you? Who are they to create standards of beauty and being?
Also, working in physical therapy and seeing people with movement disorders, on the verge of death, etc. has done wonders in regards to making me see how precious life and movement are. It’s hard to focus on that when your brain space is taken up by figuring out how to appease others and be pretty.
i’m 39. it might get easier as you get older but one day you will be dead with no body to appreciate. even sooner than that, one day you will be older and closer to death and wish you had appreciated your body back when you were 31. get off social media and start living hunney.
I’m 32 and therapy has been crucial for me. I’ve struggled with self-esteem issues my entire life. And though I still have my days, therapy has made it significantly better. I have had total strangers tell me that I “exude confidence”, which was wild to me. Sometimes it comes with faking it til you make it. When you carry yourself with your head held high and confident tone, you fake the confidence that eventually starts to stick.
I have a really hot body – people come up to me on the street, at the gym, even at work to compliment me.
And I have ENDLESS insecurities- I’m sad I don’t have back dimples, I lack upper body strength, I feel like my nipples could be less tan and more bubblegum pink the list goes on.
It’s so sad. This woman at the gym told me to enjoy my body as it won’t stay that beautiful forever and I’m like damn she’s right but I struggle not to find fault.
We need to start finding joy in our bodies 💗
I am short and stocky; that’s just the way I’m built. I literally have no curves…think of an inverted – wide back with arms and legs, smaller than A cup boobs, no hips 😂. My legs are thick and lined with muscle so it often looks like I’m fat there but I am quad heavy and build muscle there fast.
I am strong af and badass – I lift heavyass weights daily and also do Muay Thai so if I’m not throwing weights around, find me in the ring sparring with people MUCH bigger than me and holding my own.
you are so much more than your looks; your body is capable and strong. This is where I focus – my strength, flexibility and badassery. Half the time I look like something that got caught in a drain because I destroy myself in the gym but I’ve never felt more sexy.
Well, I can’t be reborn in a different body so I’ve gotta accept what I’ve got lol. It does suck to not win that genetic lottery but what can you do, you know?
While the best advice is always to get off social media (because even if some of these women are irl, it would cut out those you see online at least), I took a different approach. I filled my feed with fat (I’m fat) and alt (genderqueer/alt lifestyle) models and brands, especially those who don’t edit their photos. It’s not to make me think I’m better than them, it’s because I will look at them and easily see the beauty there, which allows me to step outside my brain and see my own body differently.
Normalize normal. Perfection is always fleeting– everyone will age, most of us will become disabled, and that’s those of us who are lucky. You don’t have to love your body, but work on neutrality, because it’s doing such a good job with housing your mind and heart. Let it do its job, and find ways to move that you enjoy so you can keep it functional as you age.
But stop comparing. Comparison is the thief of joy. I’ll be 40 this year, and you know what I think when I see a “perfect” woman? Good for her. Beautiful. Then I eat a strawberry and get on with my life.
Are you comparing yourself to real people on the street, at the store, at the office, etc?? Once I realized I saw all kinds of people with all kinds of hair, bodies, faces are didn’t pay them much mind I accepted that no one was paying me much mind.
Please listen to a podcast called Unfuck Your Brain by Kara Loewenthail. It’s so good and it’s exactly about this
I think when your super insecure in something or hyper focused on something that is negative, you start hyper fixate on it. Meaning you start to notice the very thing you’re insecure about in others and it feels like that’s all you see. For instance, say you’re insecure about not having a partner and it’s all you’re thinking about. Because of this, all you see when you go out is couples and people having an amazing time while you’re all alone.
With saying all of that, No one can tell you how to accept your body it’s something you have to learn how to do. I know that may not be the best advice but you’re not find self acceptance by asking people off the internet, you just have to practice gratitude and be thankful for what it is you do have