My bf and I met on a dating site a year ago and we recently made it official after meeting in person for the first time. He also met this girl friend of his on the site before me and he said she admitted in her bio that she was “almost 17” at the time. He reached out to her to apparently let her know how unsafe it was to be on the site and she got off and he eventually got connected with her family which he speaks to quite regularly because they have a book club. So his family and her family are close because of the book club. Before we got together he introduced me to the book club and I got to know both families (his & hers). They both come from very functional families. The young lady and I speak often and guys she’s SOOO SWEET! She’s the maturest 18 year old I’ve ever met.
Now here’s where things get a little worrisome for me…
Before him(26) and I(24) got together,during book club the topic of dating was brought up out of nowhere by the girl’s parents & they started talking about how they met and that they have a 10 year age gap because the dad started dating the mom when she was 18 and nothings wrong with age-gap relationships (this was like the weekend after their daughter turned 18). My ears perked up and the entire book club went silent lol. They went on for a little while too. I MADE THE ASSUMPTION THAT THEY WERE HINTING AT SOMETHING. (BTW this is an online book club and him(26m) and her(18f) have never met in real life they live several states apart).
Anyway, I put two and two together and realized that clearly if he reached out to her on the app he would’ve liked her profile and just liked her in general (and she probably liked him too because he’s a great guy) because they’ve kept in touch – regardless of how great the book club is. Plus, they’re both from similar families and both families like each other. I THINK THE ONLY DETERRENT FOR HIM IS THE FACT THAT HE MET HER AS A MINOR. Being a logical and upstanding citizen, I’m assuming he didn’t want to come off as a creep who was waiting on her to turn 18 to date her.
Now, I know he likes me, I mean heck – he asked me to be his girlfriend. His family also seems to like me. However, I can’t quite shake the feeling that I might be a place holder for until this girl gets older. I don’t think my boyfriend is shallow enough to conspire against me by doing this but I think it could be unintentional. I want to say something but I don’t want it to seem like I’m jealous or insecure. I think I’m being quite rational. I also don’t know how to bring it up. In my head the only reason why they aren’t together is because she just turned 18.
How would you address this concern with your partner?
TLDR:
My 26M boyfriend met a now-18F girl on a dating app when she was a minor and got close with her family through a book club. Now that she turned 18 the family is hinting that they should date. I (24F) worry I might be a placeholder until he thinks she’s older, even though he asked me to be his girlfriend. How do I bring this up without sounding insecure?
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>I THINK THE ONLY DETERRENT FOR HIM IS THE FACT THAT HE MET HER AS A MINOR
Do you think so little of him?
Because it’s either that or you are being jealous and insecure and certainly not rational, at least if this is all you’re basing things on.
What you’ve described is all in your head and I don’t think you should bring it up at all, personally.
And you’ve got some self confidence to improve before your wish to find reasons that he’s not actually into you becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.