Hello all, I just need a little bit of advice. My fiancée (36M) and I (28F) have been together for 5 years, engaged for just over 2.
We’ve had some ups and downs, mostly due to his jealousy, but we’ve been doing very well recently, or so I thought.
So he was out a couple of nights ago having drinks with some colleagues, and came home around 2am completely drunk (not unusual, he always comes home very drunk after a night out).
Everything seemed ok until the day after, when I received a message from an anonymous profile on FB saying he had been trying to go home with a 19 year old girl. They mentioned behaviours that definitely sound like him, but they won’t give me any names as to who they are nor who the girl is.
I have a bad feeling about this, but I know if I do ask him about it, it will turn into a massive argument and he will then accuse me of cheating on him, so things will go south even if the claims the anonymous profile made are untrue.
Any suggestions on how to bring this up to my partner without it bowing up?
**TL;DR my partner was out a few nights ago and an anonymous profile accused him of trying to cheat
Comments
>> I know if I do ask him about it, it will turn into a massive argument
How are things between you guys otherwise? This doesn’t sound healthy.
Take a step back.
“If i try to talk about ___, i know he will turn it into a massive arguement and accuse me of cheating.”
If THAT is how you know your partner will respond to conversations.. why are you still with him??
I know why you’re engaged for 2 whole years already… the ring = commitment so you cant leave, but unhealthy communication habits = can’t commit to marriage either.
If random accussations from an anonymous account are enough for you to doubt someone, you shouldn’t be engaged to them, and you probably aren’t really in love with them.
>but I know if I do ask him about it, it will turn into a massive argument
People are making this into some kind of red flag about him, but this is actually how a regular innocent person would react to something like this. If my wife did something like this to me, now or before marriage, I’d feel incredibly hurt and would definitely rethink the whole thing.
So coming back to the main question:
>How do I approach my fiancée about accusations made by an anonymous account?
You don’t approach it at all. Or you can bring it up as a joke “lol there was this random account that sent some bs about you the other day which I blocked right away”.
He’s too old for all of this. Drinking until 8 am suggests an alcohol problem or he’s doing other drugs to stay awake that long.
The fact he’ll turn it into an argument and find a way to blame you is also concerning as it indicates that he’s projecting, and doesn’t know how to communicate well if he starts shouting and blaming instead of talking and trying to solve it together.
Plus his age, he’s literally too old for this shit
Idk. When men accuse their partners of cheating with zero reasons or evidence I always assume it’s a diversion tactic because they are cheating or trying to cheat. I personally wouldn’t say shit to this man about anything but I would do some investigation.
girl this is sus as fuck. anon probably knows your fiancée personally and doesn’t wanna get implicated but had a moral conscience to tell you.
why are u scared of him blowing up? his reaction is telling enough
Come on. Believe the message and let him tank the relationship by asking him straight up to his face. If he chimps out like usual make a decision if that’s what you want to be dealing with for the rest of your life. But drunkenly trying to cheat on you with a barely legal teenager is plenty for me to leave the ring and a dear John letter on the mirror
This current situation aside (which, I agree, sounds very suspicious), from what you say of him I have to ask: is this really who you want to spend the rest of your life with? Because he won’t change. He will stay like this, until either one of you dies or you get fed up and finally leave him. This is who he is.
If this man threw any more red flags a bull would charge him. You know it’s true. You don’t need to confront him. Leave the gaslighting alcoholic and get your life back.
This accusation doesn’t seem random – most likely, it’s from someone who knows your boyfriend was out late drinking that night. The most plausible explanation, imo, is that one of his coworkers saw him doing something shady, it wasn’t the first time, and they were fed up.
You can tell him very calmly what you received and see his reaction. But even if it’s true, odds are slim that he’ll admit it. Even separate from this instance, I think you should do some reflection on whether this is the kind of relationship you want for the rest of your life.