How do I aproach my partner about me feeling the weight of not having intimacy

Hi guys,

Throwaway account.

Also Sorry for any grammar mistakes and such, English is not my first language.

Also I am sorry for longer post.

I still dont really know how to put it, and not sound weird. but lets try.:

I (42M) live with my girlfriend well we can say wife but we are not married (36F) together for 15 years , well it will be 15 in couple of days. I do love her. And we have been through some tough shit together, and have had good things, and still have. we do play games together (tabletop and pc). during last year we did have some situations which almost destroyed us. but we did talk it through and it seems we are stronger for it.

I really do apologize if I do not give more specifics at this time.

I am not perfect, and she is not perfect we both have our good traits and not so good ones. I am not here to blame.

We do live in UK. where we did move to slightly over decade ago and whilst we do have some people here that we do know , these are not real friends.

I do work as a Manager and she was studying Uni last 5 years (2 years prep and 3 uni) fulltime. So money was tight but we did manage and she did part time job as ambassador with me shouldering what I could on my salary. We managed. she has just got her first job after uni so our finances should slowly recover.

We do house chores together, we alternate cooking.

Now for why I am writing here. For last about 6 or 7 years our sexual life is almost non existent. We do kiss, we do hug, watch movies together , go for trips to see and do stuff together. She has just finished her degree as adult student at uni (first in class I am proud of her).

I did have more sex drive than her since the begining, and I was the one initiate intimacies well still kind of am. though last sex we have had about a month ago and before then 3 months abo and so on and there are longer periods as well. She was in stress due to school and such so understandable. Now we did have discussion about it before I think last year, and she did say I need to put in more effort that she needs some more feelings for it , and lets do some date nights and such. well with our situation we did not have that much to spare on dates. and our budget did allow for 1 or two trips around to see landmarks and such about 1-2 times a month. so we did prioritize that.

Last year she told me not to try to touch her that often and that i do think only of breasts. So I did ,but that also meant that I did stop almost any initiation, She has said that due to some meds she is long term on she had lower sex drive, and it should go up once she would go off them, she is also possibly on spectrum (at least she does suspect it and she can have senses ovewhelmed sometimes). since she had gone off of some of her meds she says she has more sex drive and is missing intimacy. she even told me exatly how many days/weeks/ months since our last. she has reached orgasm on regular basis when we had sex. but she still is not really comfortable of me touching her. and i just feel a little like a creep to just try anything especially as most time it is sht down her reasoning:

I did have want today but that was when you were at work, maybe get different job, one that is monday – friday ,one that is 9 – 5 (currently I have two weeks rota one weekend in one weekend off late shift 2-10)

or just simple dont do it now I have no interrest at the moment.

when we do have intimate moment I do make sure she enjoys it.

couple times when we did not do koitus she said she will take care of me orally later on which did not happen, and after a while ‘i have stopped any expectations and do not react to it even as it will not happen, and i am not going to beg.

Even though this oes frustrates me (situation) we did have talk about it and she has said she will try to be better,.

Last summer she was really pushing hard to relocate to start a new again back in continental europe , though she did not see it as start from scratch. and was planing to go possibly without me. Yes we did have issues at the time. And i did partially checked out of the relationship at least on intimate level. I did checked in back since though not 100%.

I did make some accounts on other social networks to just straight shut them down as this would lead to ruin.

Last month we did have fight over car for her , as she was looking for her first one, well it was not about the car but about me not being sure if i had my wallet on me. Yes I do realize i can forget stuff at times, but usually they are on me just different pocket, and yes I do recognize it can get tyring. But she ended up suggesting possibility of separate for at least a little bit. We did talk it out and did not do that. But I was so close to actually taking her on that idea that it is scarry as I know that would be the end most likely.

Now to my recent discovery of reddit.:

Well I did read many a stories and couple of them were really close to heart, and it made me question some stuff about me and what I want/need. but hey everyone has phases and I may have crysis of middle age 😀 . No I am not planning to havemotorcycle and fool around.

But recently I was aproached by this profile on social network (no not the one for dating) and that girl did push really hard and even sent me pics and such. I did not cheat I hate that, I did shut it down ant told her this is not happening. But it made me realized how deprived I do feel and how it felt to be aprochaed and someone actually pushing for it. And it scarrred me. this was social network it is easy to cut people off . what if someone id long term push in real life. and when people are depraved of something it becomes weakness. luckily I, due to my work schedule I spent most of weekday afternoons at work so I am safe from getting my self into messy situation. And I would not bear to bring myself tu hurt her anyways.

I do feel that our relationship did suffer some distance growing. and if this going to continue it will lead to hurt.

Now I know the best is to talk to her. though I do know how to really aproach it. I do not want her to think I want to end things. Though I did reach resolve (thanks to that incident on social network) to actually try to explain it and have a talk later.

We do have our aniversary , she has her graduation ceremony and she starts at her new job almost in this two weeks span, so lots of stress. Her family will come to visit us/her as well, I do have great relationship with them. So I do think to do all this afterwards. But i still dread what this is going to do. To me, To her, To us.

I did not put in many things we have experienced together good or bad as I dont know if that is even necessary.

It is not just about sex though it is big part (I am not looking to have sex every day or so I am no nymphomaniac) . it is as well about intimacy as whole. and it is about that fact that I would like her to intiate . I just feel like I am just not good as a man really.

I do trust her that she did not cheat, without trust there is no relationship. so there is no need to try to read messages or emails or plans etc. I beleive she does trust me too, we did not cheat on each other in those 15 years toether, at least that is my understanding.

Yes I do have work on me to do as well .

It is already long enough so, please I will be relly looking forward to your opinions and advice.

I will try to update when I can and read everything you guys throw at me.

 TL;DR, I have realized how me not having intimacy with my Wife does affect me after years of basivcally sexless mariage, and reading advice stories on reddit and random encounter on social network did pushed me to act.