me (20f) and my girlfriend (19f) have been together for a little over a year. we followed all of the lesbian stereotypes and moved pretty fast, said i love you early on, etc. we go to the same school but are across the country from each other for the summer while we’re home
we have always been pretty different people with different values but i thought that we made enough sense together to date while in college but i don’t think this is the best relationship for either of us. i’m too avoidant for her to be truly happy and i don’t have the independence i need to be happy, especially when i feel like this is when i should be finding myself or whatever they say to do in college.
she has been abroad for the summer and i’ve been working so our schedules don’t align at all and we’ve only really been able to call/talk for an hour or two a day. it’s only confirmed my feelings because it’s been sort of a relief to have more time for myself, my friends, and my career
i’ve come to the decision that i need to break up with her, i’m just not sure when. i think it would be more respectful to do it sooner rather than later and not drag it out or allow her feelings to get deeper or to have her have to deal with me pulling away. she flies back to the country this weekend but we’ll still be hours apart from each other so i wouldn’t be able to do it in person. her birthday is also shortly after she returns and it just feels evil to break up with someone right before their birthday
the alternative is waiting a month until we’re both back at school, but i don’t want to have her get excited to meet back up in person only to let her down in the worst way possible. it also would mean she has no time for her to process the breakup before we’re in close proximity on a small campus with a lot of overlap in our friend groups and activities. no contact once we’re back on campus is basically impossible
so basically my two options are:
break up soon over facetime but doing it over the phone is evil. or,
break up in person but wait a month and lead her on which is also evil
TLDR: do i break up with my girlfriend over facetime now or wait a month to do it in person
Comments
I would normally say do it in person, but given the circumstances, I’d say sooner over FaceTime is best. It will give her the chance to process and be with her family and friends before returning to school, and also have some needed space from you. It sucks that it will be around her birthday but it’s better than her going back to school thinking everything is okay, and then having a breakup and having to deal with that and focusing on classes simultaneously.