I am (24m) and my partner is (24f). We have an apartment together and a good sex life. I know that I am more kinky than her, she has a relatively low sex drive while mine is pretty high. I’m incredibly committed to her and spending my life with her and having a family in the future, but you only live once and I’d like to explore some stuff in my youth. I want to talk to her about what I want, which is threesome/sharing/polyamory etc. I really don’t know how to phrase it or bring it up. It might seem cliche and maybe it is, but for the record I’m more interested in the both of us having sex with someone TOGETHER, as a team. As opposed to me wanting to have sex with someone else. Any advice?
How do I bring up my kinks and desires in a conversation with my partner?
r/Advice
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“I really don’t know how to phrase it or bring it up.”
If you want to have a future with her, I’d highly recommend that you don’t.
There is a reason such experiences are relegated to the realm of fantasy.
Because for the vast majority of Homo sapiens, that is all they are and will forever be.
(Sorry, I laughed out loud at your use of the word “team” — as though that might make her somehow feel better about the whole preposterous notion.)
Marriage is a long and never ending series of compromises.
And this — not to put too fine a point on it — is a no-brainer.
I’d humbly suggest you get used to that idea, lest you open a can of worms and lose someone who you love and with whom you have a good sex life.
Open and honest conversations are key in any relationship, especially when it comes to intimacy! Start by creating a comfortable atmosphere—maybe during a relaxed evening at home or while enjoying a nice meal together. You could begin by expressing how much you value your relationship and the connection you share. This sets a positive tone! Then, gently introduce the topic by saying something like, “I’ve been thinking about ways we can explore our intimacy together, and I’d love to hear your thoughts on it.”
This is the kind of stuff you experiment with outside of serious relationships. Your only chance of this going well is if she has the exact same kink. Otherwise, saying it will make her think she is never good enough. I suggest you put the thought out of your head.
Be honest, kind, and open. Begin by telling her you love and cherish your relationship, and that there’s something intimate you want to discuss then say your desires as something you wish to explore together, not alone. Let her know you’re open to her feelings, not pushing her, and just want to have an honest, respectful discussion.
Just keep this one in the spank bank bud, it’s not going to go well.
You say you’re “incredibly committed” to her, but then you say you’re into polyamory. Do her a favor and break up with her.
Yep this definitely isn’t going to go well especially if she doesn’t share the same kink and is completely only for you. This is something that should be explored before a serious relationship. But ask just be aware of the potential consequences
Honestly, I don’t see this going well. Plus once you put it out there, she will always wonder, because the toothpaste is now out of the tube, there’s no way you can stuff it back in.
If you want to try it with different people, maybe you could try some role play. That’s something she might like, and she could also explore some aspects of her own fantasy life that way.
seen lots of post here and the mere raising the 3some / poly has cause the relationship to fail because the very fact your raising it mean your want it and they don’t and would never give it as it is a hard boundary
as someone suggested do it out side of the serious relationship
Lmao I love this your “kinks” are fucking other people. Totally normal you’re young. But don’t beat around the bush you didn’t name any bondage or anything she can do herself. You want other people to
I took a kinky quiz and sent it to my bf. Let him pick which ones he wanted to do. I am much kinkier than him lol but it improved our sex lives!
Start easy, use some sex toys during intimacy. Then some roleplay maybe and observe what kink ur partner enjoy more. If u both have enjoy then u must share your fantasies openly step by step. However sharing final fantasy directly may cause instant rejection and also trouble for your relation bcs ur partner may think cant enough for ur desire.
While I agree that open and honest conversation is always a good way to go, this sort of thing, more often than not, will cause issues in your relationship. Where she might have previously been comfortable in the relationship, this could fill her with anxiety even it she stays with you.
My advice is either keep that fantasy to yourself, or wait for the right opportunity to bring it up in a generalised way, not personal to either of you.
Say for example you watch something together and threesomes/poly relationships are featured, simply ask her what she thinks about something like that. In this way, you can gain an understanding as to how she feels about it without actually making it about you and her.
Let’s be real, every man on the planet probably has a fantasy of an FFM threesome. I know it will never happen, but if I had the opportunity with permission, then you better believe I’m taking it.
Having said that, if this was something she was open to, would you also be open to an MMF threesome?
If the answer to that is no, don’t even think about it.
Break up, explore your “fantasies,” then try to win her back is the only way it’s gonna happen bud. And, candidly, probably not even then.
This isn’t going to go well. If you want to know I’m right before you blow things up, tell her that your cousin/friend/neighbor just opened their relationship up and decided to start swinging and see how she responds.
My partner of ten years had similar feelings and talked to me about it and it has broken my self worth. Every time he tells me he loves me, it doesn’t feel the same. Every time we have sex I’m just looking to get off and go to bed because any true intimacy and connection is void. It’s all a sham.
When will people learn that open relationships are something you should discuss at the BEGINNING OF A RELATIONSHIP if that’s what you’re in to..
It’s such a waste of someone’s times waiting to tell them.
Bringing up open relationships well into a monogamous relationship never ends well.
This isn’t for both of you..This is purely for YOU, and you know it. You KNOW she has a lower sex drive.
Man I would really consider if you’re desire for this is high enough to risk this relationship. There is a much higher chance this ends in you being single than in you having a 3some. If you think her sex drive is low now wait till she hears how much you want to bring someone else into the bedroom.
Open and honest communication is your best bet. I liked the suggestion I saw of you both taking a kink quiz. Personally my husband brought up threesome when we were in our early twenties and it really offended me BUT I don’t feel that way now. It’s also something where we agreed if we had one with another girl we would do one with another guy. So conversations can turn around😂 if you REALLY want it you have to talk about it.
I remember my ex boyfriend brought this up to me, we were together four years, and I never felt in the same in our relationship ever again after that. I highly suggest you don’t bring this up. Once he brought it up to me, I always felt he wanted someone else or like I wasn’t enough for him deep down. I was always trying to figure out how to look or be better for him, it was so toxic and miserable.