With my SIL’s wedding on the horizon, my in laws have handed me a check for a frankly ridiculous amount of money and insisted I buy a NICE dress for the occasion. I don’t think I dress particularly shabby, but I’ve rarely spent more than $100 on any garment. Even my wedding dress was rented for around $300
But the SIL in question works for Nordstrom, dealing with designers to acquire clothing they’ll sell, and the wedding is a pretty formal affair in the Italian countryside. So I can understand why they expect she’d want guests to be dressed their very best.
With expectations and budget set so high, I really don’t want to disappoint. I’d ask what she’d like me to wear, but I don’t want to put more on the bride’s plate (plus, she’s already not a big fan of me. We didn’t have a fight or anything, we just have…naturally clashing personalities. I think she’s a hard worker with high standards! She’s just made it clear I’m not her cup of tea). Before this, I’d thought of going to a place like Nordstrom as somewhere you go for “nice” but now I’m questioning everything.
So ladies, please help. Do I have something custom made? Do I go to a department store? What’s considered NICE? Help
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Maybe ask her to go dress shopping with you? I know you don’t want to add to her plate, but this might be a nice way to connect. “I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye, but it’s important to me that I find something appropriate for your wedding, and as you well know – this is outside my usual comfort zone. What do you say to a shopping afternoon together?”
Is this Italian daytime or black tie evening?
Really Nordstrom is probably fine either way. People are there to see her and Oooh and Ahh over her dress. I wouldn’t worry too much. Just get the right level of dress and you should be fine.
Don’t bother the bride. Go to Nordstrom‘s tell them your budget. Tell them Italian wedding and let them guide you.
I was just ogling a silk dress from Quince this afternoon.
https://www.quince.com/women/-washable-stretch-silk-tank-midi-dress?color=forest-green
I’m partial to the green and the red.
For the money you save buying it from Quince, you could spend it on the accessories to further luxe this out: simple but gorgeous earrings, a pair of flattering shoes, and an understated hand bag.
I think Nordstrom will be fine. The employees can be quite helpful if they smell money on you lol.
Tell someone in the dress department what you’re comfortable wearing, your budget, and the level of formality for the event they can pull you a number of options.
Saks, Neiman’s, Nordstrom, Bloomingdale’s. Ask the salesperson for help or ask for an in store stylist and tell them what the occasion is and that you need to look fabulous. Your in laws don’t think the money they gave you for the dress is outrageous. Buy something within that budget. Get shoes, a haircut, and be confident.
You may find it helpful to book an appointment with a stylist at Nordstrom. https://share.google/3KaHaYDvASpDfKHZw
So, Italian weddings usually bump up the dress code a bit. What’s the official dress code on the invite? Black tie?
Department store is a great place to start — a mid to high range one, Nordstroms is actually a good option. So are places like Bloomingdale’s or Lord and Taylor’s. A quick search of Nordstrom has a lot of promising dresses for under $300, and some for under $200.
Black tie is usually floor-length and higher end fabrics (silk, chiffon, velvet, satin, etc.). Also usually richer colors like black, jewel tones, etc. Unless bride has expressed a color palate. Black or navy are also good for rewearing.
But it’s not just the dress! You’ll need matching shoes (if you’re comfy in heels, a nice evening formal pair is great, if not some polished looking ballet flats in leather or a high end looking fabric).
You need a clutch, black is again a good, reusable, choice here. Sometimes you can find clutches with removable straps which helps with using again.
Depending on weather, you might want a wrap or pashmina. Decide this when purchasing the dress, one of the workers can help you.
You need jewelry to match the dress/occasion. If they go with the dress and you have them, this is the perfect time to brush off some classic pearls. If not, a nice necklace or earrings. You can even do costume jewelry if it doesn’t look poorly done.
Finally, make sure you’re all set with hair and make up.
Consider talking to wedding dress shops that do dresses for bridal parties/mother of the bride/groom as well as prom, etc. – they usually are able to work with a variety of budgets (including tailoring, good places will usually have on-site tailoring). Call and explain what you are looking for – Italian countryside, level of formality (black tie? white tie? or whatever other information the bridge and groom have given about the expectation), and ask if that’s something they can help with. (Note: this assumes the wedding is several months away, as this type of dress store is usually having you try on samples and then ordering the dress in the size you need directly from the manufacturer, so there is a significant amount of lead time necessary. Some stores may have some styles and sizes in various things in stock, but it really varies.)
Additional anti-recommendation – NEVER go to David’s Bridal for any formalwear if you can help it. They sell your info, you will get a never-ending amount of spam calls and it’s very difficult to get removed from the lists they sell off. I took my mother to the David’s Bridal location near where she lives to help her pick out a dress for my wedding, and I wound up having to complain to corporate to make the spam calls from wedding vendors in my mother’s area – very far from where my wedding was taking place! – finally stop. If I had known about their practices I would have figured out somewhere else to take my mother to buy a dress.
Going to Nordstrom is totally fine. Someone will definitely help you shop and offer advice for what you’re looking for. Consider shopping online for stuff you can return. Really any department store with cocktail and formal departments should be ok.
If you can’t ask the bride for advice, I’d go to your MIL for some guidance or someone who has details about the wedding, as in, appropriate colors (you do not want to match the bridesmaids), daytime/evening setting, setting details (is it conservative or laid back)? Some destination weddings have multiple events such as brunches, lunches, dinners and drinks before the wedding day. Do you need multiple outfits?
You also need to budget appropriate undergarments and shoes for your dress. You also need to purchase something that will allow you to travel with the garment and maintain it.
I consider NICE something that fits well, has appropriate support and proportions for your body, fits the theme/venue, and is cleaned and pressed.
Do you want to keep the dress? If not, you can rent for a lot cheaper. https://www.renttherunway.com/pdp/shop/black_tie_wedding_dresses/products?filters%5Bzip_code%5D=94804&filters%5BunlimitedMinAvailability%5D=0&sort=recommended&lens=classic#1751236339342
We’ll have a better idea of what they consider “nice” if you share how much the check was for.
Whatever dress you buy, get it tailored to fit you the best it can. Tailoring can make a dress look more expensive.
Second the rec that it is not just the dress: You need to budget for matching shoes, a clutch, some jewellery.
As far as the dress is concerned, be prepared to spend money on alterations. Movie stars always look stunning on the red carpet bc their dresses are tailored to fit them perfectly.
You can make a thrifted dress that you found for 50 USD look like a billion bucks if you spend another 150 USD to get it tailored to suit you.
I’m among the very last people on earth you should ask for advice on this matter, but I just want to wish you luck and make sure you know that it is extremely reasonable to feel the way you’re feeling about this whole thing.
Hugs from a guy whose parents met on a trail crew. You’re doing a better job than I would in your place.
This popped up when I looked up: wedding guest Italy countryside daytime
https://www.bloomingdales.com/shop/product/teri-jon-by-rickie-freeman-organza-ruffled-rosette-gown?ID=5055053
But I know nothing about fashion. I don’t live such a lifestyle lol.
Set an appointment with a personal shopper at your nearest Nordstrom.
Go to Nordstrom’s and ask for help. Explain your situation, that you aren’t used to ‘dressing up’ at all, let alone for a wedding, that you want to look nice, to out of place. They’d probably love to help you.
I just started using Daydream for this sort of thing, and it’s a really fun experience so far even though I usually dread shopping for events. You can tell it your budget, what the event is, and it searches across a bunch of different brands (it’s also connected to Nordstrom). If you kind of like one of the options it gives you, but wish you could find it with a different feature (like sleeves or a different color or a halter neck), you can ask it to narrow your search that way.
I say focus on the fabric and cut more than the designer unless you have someone you normally like. I bought an Eliza J dress at Nordstrom some years ago that j still wear to weddings as a guest and I get complements everytime. It was maybe $250? But the fabric is nice and flowy while not being too flimsy or thin and doesnt get me hot.
Don’t forget foundation garments as well as the shoes and jewelry. Get a NICE dress, and get some nice casual wear for whatever other events there are.
I like Nordstrom, $2k will go pretty fast at a place like Neiman Marcus.
I mean, she literally buys for Nordstrom… I feel like getting a dress at Nordstrom is probably a safe bet.