Everything is too much rn. I’ve got a history exam tomorrow and I feel so stupid. I’ve been studying for months but nothing’s sticking. History is the only thing I like and I really want to at least pass it. I’ve been crying and studying all day. I’m also meant to be getting braces soon, and on monday, I’m meant to be getting two back teeth pulled out, and then the other two a few weeks later. But, what if I get the teeth pulled and then decide I don’t want braces? Teeth don’t grow back. What if I get braces and I look ugly? What if they “fix” my teeth and I look ugly then? I’m not very good with pain, like, at all. I don’t want those yellow plaque spot things on my teeth, but I know I know I’m too lazy and panicked to do all the cleaning steps. I’m also turning 16 and I’ve got some crowding on the left side of my mouth and I don’t want braces for my prom. I don’t mind giving up sweets n stuff cause I don’t eat them anyway, but my previous concerns are still there. I get really upset over things changing, so I know I will have a lot of meltdowns over my appearance. I dyed my hair last year and I was so depressed and upset that I didn’t go outside, eat, sleep, or look at myself for weeks. Luckily, I could dye my hair back to its natural color, but I can’t do that with braces. And then there’s rubber bands, and the retainers afterwards. I don’t want to turn 18 with braces or retainers. I’m just so upset and freaked out.
I’m also meant to be going on a plane/to an airport for the first time in June, plus my birthday is in June and my family wants me to have some kind of party, and I do too, but it’s so much effort. Then, In July, I’m on summer break and omg I can’t stay in the house for two months. My friends will be away travelling because they’re from different countries, so they’re going “home” ig. And then in August, when I go back to school, everything is gonna change. Like, where I live, you learn certain words to use for different types of questions for exams, but each year you move up, the words change, and you have to learn them all over again. Then It’ll Christmas, and then Prelims, and then exams, and everything all over again.
And I’m worrying about my future. I want to move country when I’m older, but I’m researching on how to get a Visa, plus the money I’ll need, and if I’ll need to re-do some education for my degree. For context, I want to move to Australia to be closer to my family who live there, but because of my a****m, I need to figure out how to get there. Also, I have really bad sensory issues with the sun and light in general.
I’ve been having really bad panic attacks for days now, but It’s only at night. I wake up every 2hrs heaving and thrashing. So, this leaves me not being able to read for the rest of the day.
Oh! And I’m starting my period tomorrow—The day of my exam. Kill me.
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Everything is worse when hormones come into play.
Have you tried the 5 step grounding technique? It will help you focus on what you is right in front of you and you can interact with and not focus on the anxiety so much.
It sounds like you’re living in a feedback loop. You need to break the cycle or you’re just gonna spiral harder and faster until you finally break down. Interrupting your racing thoughts can be difficult because as soon as you stop, the silence is so loud that it kickstarts everything back up, rinse, repeat.
First, you need to change your environment. If you spend most of your time panicking inside, go outside. Take your laptop, books, etc., all outside and try to pick it back up. If you have a specific spot or position for studying (laying down, cross-cross-applesauce, at a desk, on your bed, whatever) remove yourself from that environment or position and take the studying up elsewhere.
Your nervous system is telling you that you are not safe. You have to make it feel safe, so if every fiber of your being is telling you to run and get away, you should try listening to it. Your body isn’t smart enough to realize that you’re just tricking it, it just knows that you’ve gotten away from the danger.
Racing thoughts are harder to break, but what works for me is physically doing something so jarring that your brain goes “wait, what the fuck?”. I’ve tried a couple different things(dip your hands straight into a tub of mayo, put coconut mall on a 10hr loop and listen until all of your thoughts are Coconut Mall, holding ice cubes until you can’t anymore, etc.) This works because it forces you to think about the present situation instead of whatever you were thinking about before.
Anxiety is a bitch, especially future anxiety since there’s no real way to prove yourself wrong because it hasn’t even happened yet. The best thing you can do in moments like these is ground yourself.
I wish you all the best and hope this helps !