Hello, I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years, in the beginning of our relationship he was really nice to me, wrote poems about me, got me flowers, gifts, you name it. However recently he has changed a lot, disrespecting me, not showing me love, telling me to “shut the fuck up” or ignoring me.
I have told him about it, tried to communicate, I told him something like you have changed and you aren’t like yourself anymore, he told me okay, when I got upset about him ignoring me he called me selfish, disrespected me even more, and ended in us arguing.
I’m not in a place where I can leave him so what am I supposed to do? He doesn’t make me feel loved and blames it on his depression, I’ve been understanding about it but recently it’s been getting out of hand and I’m really tired, when I talk to him about it it upsets him so I’m not sure what to do anymore.
I would appreciate some help, or some insight on why he is doing this. Thank you.
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You have no leverage. If you won’t leave him, he can take you for granted.
If he can live with himself treating you like that then you’re pretty much stuck.
No one can tell you why he’s doing this, we aren’t his heart and mind. Theorizing and conjecturing is just wasted energy IMO.
I’m sorry you’re in this spot.
You say you can’t leave and you can’t make him change.
You should get a plan on leaving as soon as possible.
You need to make leaving an option.
You need to get a plan to leave. I’m not sure why you say you can’t leave him, but he’s not going to start treating you respectfully. In fact because he knows you have no ability to leave. He will likely start treating you much worse.
He’s possibly doing this because he knows you think you can’t leave him so he’s perfectly comfortable in being himself. He’s acting abusive towards you and you do need to make a plan to leave before he escalates and hurts you more than he already has.
I had depression on and off in my life. Never would I tell the love of my life to shut the fuck up. Can you go live with your parents at least until you find a new flat? And no, he won’t change, it only gets worse or stays the same, at least in my experience. Don’t fantasize about what you had and focus on what is happening now.
You say leaving isn’t an option – why?
You might be looking at a roommate situation until you make your plan.
If it’s truly situational and he’s under some crazy but temporary pressure, when he says “shut the fuck up” you could say “that’s hurtful. I am walking away until you can have a respectful conversation”.
But you’ll likely be more walked away than present :/ if he can’t explain to you why he’s become withdrawn and mean, there isn’t much you can do with that.
You might not have the finances to leave right now but you need to start saving immediately. Put a down payment on an apartment asap or find someone who would take you in while waiting. He’s emotionally abusing you and that’s horrible for your mental health over time. I wish you the best of luck op
Never get yourself in a situation where you cant leave if you want to.
I don’t know why you can’t leave, but I’d work on that.
We can’t tell you why he is doing this – there are a million possible reasons. You can’t control anyone else, so just work on you and getting yourself out of this.
It seems the love bombing phase ended and now he’s acting this way to push u away without directly breaking up for some reasons.. anyway, since u said you can’t afford to leave right now, how about to quietly start saving, working and building a plan so u can eventually leave safely, and until then, just try to emotionally detach and bear it I guess..