I was forced to take a life in self defense in a relatively brutal manor. Everytime I try to express my guilt of this (it saved my life, but I still feel guilty about it.) I am always cut off and told “Nuh uh, you didn’t, stop trying to sound tough!”
It was traumatic, and I lose sleep. I don’t have irl friends and only have ones online due to my new fear of people. I just want someone to talk to about this.
Comments
📣 Reminder for our users
>1. Check the rules: Please take a moment to review our rules, Reddiquette, and Reddit’s Content Policy.
>2. Clear question in the title: Make sure your question is clear and placed in the title. You can add details in the body of your post, but please keep it under 600 characters.
>3. Closed-Ended Questions Only: Questions should be closed-ended, meaning they can be answered with a clear, factual response. Avoid questions that ask for opinions instead of facts.
>4. Be Polite and Civil: Personal attacks, harassment, or inflammatory behavior will be removed. Repeated offenses may result in a ban. Any homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist, or bigoted remarks will result in an immediate ban.
🚫 Commonly Asked Prohibited Question Subjects:
>1. Medical or pharmaceutical questions
>2. Legal or legality-related questions
>3. Technical/meta questions (help with Reddit)
This list is not exhaustive, so we recommend reviewing the full rules for more details on content limits.
✓ Mark your answers!
>If your question has been answered, please reply with
Answered!!to the response that best fit your question. This helps the community stay organized and focused on providing useful answers.I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Go to therapy. Its their job to help you with that.
This is something you’d have to work through with therapy, consider reaching out to 988 just to have someone to talk to, they have peer support specialists who can check on you weekly and help get u connected with therapists.
Reaching out online will always kind of lead to dismissal of these sorts of things.
And even if someone offers anything it won’t be anything close to what working through this over the course of months or years will be through the help of professional.
What are you talking about? They say you’re being a tough guy for being guilty? Or they just don’t believe you that you had to kill somebody? I assume it would be in the news, just show them that.
That said, it’s hard to talk about such things with people; it’s kind of trauma dumping, most people will cut you off or just be incapable of understanding it. They literally cannot understand it, their worldview will not jive with what you are saying, in most people’s naive worldview everything that happens makes some kind of sense, bad things don’t happen to you just for no reason, and they want to make some kind of logical leap to explain away the uncomfortableness of the situation. Like it’s only people that have been pushed into that kind of extremity that can ever understand, nobody is going to match your trauma exactly even then. So I recommend just talking about it in therapy, or in a reasonable context with loved ones if you are struggling and need to explain to them why.
You get better friends who are capable of feeling empathy and don’t shit themselves at the thought of having to have an emotionally deep conversation with someone.
I’m very sorry you had to do what you had to do. I hope you can access therapy to help you sleep once more, and if you want a good subreddit for support, head over to bropill, one of the most wholesome subreddits for men I have ever come across.
Good luck to you.
ChatGPT is great for things like this. You can open up fully and know it has no judgment on you and it will give advice and guidance every bit as good or better than most people. It’s worth a shot. Let it out. I’m sorry to hear you were forced to cross that line, but I’m glad you are safe and alive. Feel free to message me if you want a person to open up to, I’ll hear you out fully with no judgment.
I think one needs to be very mindful of what sort of people one discusses violent interactions with. When people discover that I served in the military, they will sometimes very giddily ask “did you kill anyone”? That is a clue to not discuss further with that individual. Or maybe not interact with them at all.
Pressure’ll bust a pipe.
Spill Your Emotions and let em work.
We have em for a reason.
👊🏿👊🏿
It was self-defense. You did the world a favor. The fact that it happened to you was a blessing because it could have (likely it would have) happened to someone who couldn’t defend themselves. In that sense, you saved one or many lives
You don’t?? ‘I brutally killed someone’ is not smth you drop on online acquaintances or even ‘friends’.
You save that stuff for people you have met and developed trust and a strong bond with in IRL and even then you need to be aware it’s not an easy thing to put on them.
If you can’t or won’t, get a therapist. If you can’t or won’t do that either, you just shut up and keep it to yourself.
First of all, I’m so so sorry to hear how unsupportive people in your life have been. That’s heartbreaking that you would try to open up about something so deep and painful and just be dismissed like that. You deserve to be heard and believed, especially after going through something that has clearly traumatized you.
I’m afraid some people are just stuck in their beliefs and no amount of trying to convince them about what you feel inside will change their view of you. And that’s on them, not you. Trying to change how you present yourself just to convince people that you are being true with your feelings is not something you should have to put yourself through. It’s bad enough that you’re going through this at all.
It might be worth looking for local or online support groups about trauma/PTSD. Don’t be discouraged if you meet more dismissal. People do exist who will hear you and listen and believe you, even if they are difficult to find. If it’s something that is financially feasible for you, a therapist who specializes in PTSD I would imagine would be a good place to look. (Note: I’m not saying you necessarily have PTSD, only that your experience is similar enough that those kind of resources would likely help you, whether you do or not.)
It’s not the solution you were looking for of course but if you need someone to talk to about this, at least just to feel heard you’re welcome to DM me and I will listen and respond when I’m available.
I’m sorry again you’ve been going through this. You have been through something extremely stressful and I can see it’s causing you a lot of pain. You deserve to be heard, you deserve to be believed, and you deserve to be able to heal. You didn’t want this to happen, and the fact that it did does not make you a bad person. Hang in there. And try to be gentle with yourself.
I know people on Reddit will tell you go to therapy if someone forgets your birthday, but this is one of those times when you really do need to go to therapy. Seek a therapist specialising in trauma counselling and PTSD.
This isn’t something you should discuss with random people. Thanks for trusting us (a bunch of random people), but you do need to talk it over with an expert. If you don’t know where to start, go to a doctor and ask for a referral.
You need to talk to a therapist and/or support group. Somewhere in a safe environment with a professional or other people who have had similar, or relatable traumatic experiences.
When you’ve experienced true adversity, real horror like this, most people can’t understand, won’t believe you, and will not want to hear it even when they do. They think of it as trauma dumping.
It’s not just the guilt, friend. I haven’t had to go that far to protect myself but I have had a lot of adversity in my life.
But it isn’t just the guilt – your life will never be exactly the same again. That is all trauma.
I can hardly be around “regular” people with ordinary first world problems. They piss me off, and while they bitch about every minor problem or bad date, I can never truly connect or share what really bothers me because people will never look the same way at me again.
And at the same time, when I’m with anyone who seems like they might relate, I get so tired of listening to all the trauma drama I just want them to shut up and think “doesn’t anyone just want to enjoy their life, anymore?”
It is important to have people you can connect with, and open up to, but that’s why I think a support group is important.
Don’t get discouraged looking for the right one. I tried a few for anxiety and depression and for trauma survivors and in some I listened to other people whine about how they aren’t an ATM for their friends, others there were women who went through narcissistic and physical abuse in previous marriages. So at least a little closer to home for me.
I would listen. Every single person has SOMETHING they want to get off their chest atleast once in their lifetime. Some people aren’t built to listen to that story and I’m guessing that’s why people here are saying go to therapy. I went to therapy for a few years when I was younger and I liked it just fine but sometimes you just want a friend to listen to you. To each their own. But for real, I would listen.
You are not alone I’ve read all of the comments and agree about therapy BUT caution there Have encountered therapists (as insurance allows) who seem to be just filling time. I would guess their “training” does not encompass what you and many others have experienced In my opinion movies television video games distort and glorify violence I was taught to defend myself and my family. I was not informed of the emotional toll these justifiable actions would bring. Don’t concern yourself with the reactions of others. But I feel it is important that you do not share this information casually. You only serve to isolate yourself and obviously are victimized by their reactions. You are not alone You are here Your attacker is not There is a reason I suggest (I have found it beneficial) to “journal” aka write down your thoughts in a notebook It is useful
Hey OP, I’m so sorry you’re carrying this weight—it sounds incredibly heavy, and it’s completely valid to feel guilt and trauma, even if it was self-defense. What you went through was life-altering, and it’s unfair that people dismiss your pain by assuming you’re trying to sound “tough.” That kind of response just shuts you down when you’re trying to process something real.
You’re not alone in feeling this way, even if it feels isolating right now. Guilt doesn’t mean you did something wrong—it means you’re human and grappling with the cost of survival. It’s okay to mourn the situation and how it’s changed you. Losing sleep and feeling scared of people are signs of how deeply this affected you, and you deserve to be heard without judgment.
Since you mentioned only having online friends, maybe try connecting with communities like r/PTSD or r/TrueOffMyChest, where people share similar experiences and are more likely to listen with empathy. If you’re open to it, a therapist who specializes in trauma (like someone trained in EMDR or CBT) could give you a safe space to unpack this—some offer online sessions, which might feel less daunting. There are also anonymous hotlines like the Crisis Text Line (text HOME to 741741 in the US) if you just need someone to listen.
You’re not a “tough guy” for surviving, and you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. You’re someone who’s hurting and deserves support. Keep reaching out, even if it’s hard—there are people out there who will get it. Sending you a virtual hug, and I hope you find some peace. 💙
This is the kind of topic you should only talk to very close friends about. Bringing it up to acquaintances won’t go well
Many people just don’t understand. Those who don’t, forgive their ignorance and lack of empathy and leave them be.
Taking a life is not heroic, it didn’t make you a big tough man, it probably wasn’t brave (though others may see it that way if they were involved), it didn’t bring you glory and honor. But, it was needed. Nothing more or less. You are still you, just with some very unpleasant memories now, and thankfully a life still before you. A real man does what is needed of him, on behalf of those who need him. May you always be up to the task no matter what form of challenge it may take.
First, don’t bottle this crap up, you’ll just have to deal with it later and also all the extra unneeded baggage and wasted energy and time along the way. Talk to a therapist if you need to.
My own method to dealing with ptsd is meditation in a place that calms my mind and soul. My way may or may not help you.
The best is sitting back against an old tree in an old forest, far away from any sound or presence of man. I stay perfectly still until the animals forget I am there and come out of hiding, and I watch them. Lacking a forest, I’ll gaze straight up at the milky way overhead on a dark night, so the stars fill my vision. Extra points for a bitterly cold winter night, and imagine myself free floating among the stars, waiting to run out of oxygen and die, while happily admiring the incredible stars and constellations around me.
During this time I let my mind ponder whatever it needs to, revisit memories of whatever it wants to. If I need to stare into dead eyes again, hear the screams, feel the fear or rage, or see the blood on my hands, or remember my injuries, I do, I let the discomfort fill me up, embrace the various feelings, and then wait, accepting everything, maybe even shed one or two very rare tears, and after a time the turbulence fades. Once I have reached a place of total peace, where no thought seeks to cross my mind anymore, I can relax, and the session is a success. This may take a few minutes, it may take hours. I’ve often fallen asleep on the roof staring at the stars and getting my mind put back in order.
It may take repeated sessions to help you accept and move on, and time will soften the edge of the memories as well. You are needed, choose to live a life worth living, making a difference for good in a world with far too much selfishness and anger in it.
I wish you the best.
Doing something like that could not be easy. I understand the guilt you are going through. I went through a traumatic experience over 20 years ago and although I can talk about it now it still makes me cry. I tried therapy, anti depressants etc and none of those helped. I found a natural supplement called passion flower which just helps to suppress my anger.
I also found an outlet in rescuing stray animals.
Find something that you are passionate about as that really helps.
i’m really sorry you’re carrying that alone. it’s not about sounding tough, it’s about healing. you deserve space to talk about it without judgment or being shut down.
People seem to forget that on a basic sensory level, hurting someone or worse is just fuckin disturbing. I had two coworkers vent to me about this. One had to press his thumbs into someones eyes so they’d stop strangling someone he was with. Other one shot a home invader fatally. Anyone with a brain could tell that shit weighed on them immensely and anyone with a conscious would keep their dissenting opinions to themselves.
I’m sorry you had to do that. I know it was gross and horrible and intense and you wish you could stop thinking about it. The only way I’ve successfully coped with trauma is letting it repeat in my brain until I’m bored of it. It’s fucking exhausting
If you didn’t feel guilty, you’d be a monster. Guilt shows empathy. It shows you care. I wish acquaintances were able to take blunt words with a grain of salt but some people aren’t built that way. I’ve always had the belief of on a first date you should be able to ask the deep questions about financials and health history and politics. But the truth is some people aren’t meant for that so quickly. It doesn’t mean they are bad people or that I shouldn’t consider them. Just means we are different. Therapy yes. 100%. But also, finding friends (it’s hard as fuck ok I’m struggling out here) who have that unique mindset. But at the end of the day, feeling guilty shows empathy. Its what you do with that guilt that matters. Guilt helps you take action so you can let it go. My discord is on my profile you’re always free to reach out 🙂 and thank you, for defending yourself and saving yourself. I’m not sure anyone’s said it to you. But thank you. ♥️
this topic is too heavy for “regular people”. its normal behavior to push back topics like this.
if this topic affects your life (you said you are now afraid of new people), you need therapy. it’s the same aa visiting a doctor, it’s science.
plase don’t be afraid to seek help.
r/therapy