My husband [34M] and I [33F] have been married for 4 years and have a 2-year-old son. He’s always been a typical tech guy-smart, introverted, and not too focused on appearance. But during our third year of marriage, he started experiencing hair loss and decided to get a hair transplant. I supported him through the process.
After the procedure, his hair grew back thicker, and people complimented him often. That’s when I noticed changes in his behavior. He now takes selfies frequently, checks himself in the mirror a lot, and makes himself the focus in family photos. He also changed his social media profile picture from a family photo to a solo picture.
He’s become more active, going to the gym and taking tennis classes. He started buying his own clothes, skincare, and cologne things I used to help him choose. Meanwhile, I spend most of my time at home, taking care of our son and managing the household.
At first, I was just surprised, but now I feel emotionally disconnected. I sometimes wonder if he’s seeing someone else, although there’s no evidence. Even if he isn’t, I’ve started losing sexual attraction because sexually i don’t feel safe and i’m not into someone who is putting too much attention into his look. His self-focus makes me feel like I’m not part of his world anymore. I even find myself flinching when he touches me.
I still love him and want to fix this. Divorce isn’t something I’m considering unless there’s actual betrayal. But I don’t know how to start this conversation or rebuild the connection.
How can I bring this up in a way that helps us reconnect without sounding accusatory or insecure? Has anyone experienced something similar and worked through it successfully?
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Why don’t you just tell him you feel insecure since he improved his self confidence and see how he responds?
I have no advice for you, but just chiming in to say i agree and sympathize. that would give me the major ick too. i find vanity in general to be an off putting character trait, but especially in men. i dont care how sexist this might sound, but men, especially straight men are supposed to not care. or at least not care MUCH, and be a bit more discreet in caring lol overt vanity in men is a huge turn off for most women because its a feminine trait.
its also the sign of him either cheating or wanting to. it would be one thing if he was always this way, but a major change in behavior is a red flag. ive never seen anyone improve their appearance drastically in a relationship without straying or divorcing soon after. its literally one of the most common tropes going. it would not surprise me at all if a few months down the road you’re finding shit out.
I think sometimes people just have a glow up and for the first time in their life feel attractive. For me it wasn’t ever to get with other people. I just liked being able to express myself more through my look and men often don’t get a whole lot of complements so it can feel really good
He’s definitely improving himself for someone else.