My girlfriend and I have been dating for about a year, and I feel like I can’t stand her. We met on a dating app. At first, it felt like we had everything in common. We had similar interests, similar goals, and similar opinions. The more we hung out, however, the more k realized how I just wasn’t comfortable around her. She had just gotten out if a bad relationship when we go together l, and while I am supportive and glad she’s doing better, it seems like everything is a trigger for her. She talks constantly about how amazing I am and how much better our relationship is, but there isn’t any substance. My family adores her, my coworkers like her, and she is ready to talk about moving in together. But I almost dread being around her. When we go out I drag my feet and wish I was in bed. I keep finding excuses to cancel plans and avoid talking about our futures. I know I need to break up with her, but I don’t want to hurt her or cause any drama, and I don’t want to be the bad guy, but I feel like it almost cat be helped. She hasn’t really done anything wrong, but she deserves someone who wants to put in as much as she wants to get out. And I am not that person. How do I break things off?
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
You’re right. It can’t be helped. Being dumped nicely still hurts. You still feel sad. And sometimes if the person is too nice, you’re confused about why they’re breaking up with you and think there is hope to get back together. Even if there really isn’t. Just tell her “I’m sorry. I don’t see this relationship going any further. You’re a great person but I just don’t feel that kind of connection with you” and leave it at that.
I think the best way to go about this is to not mention her faults or your distain towards her, it can be an amicable separation by setting a time aside that you know you’ll both be available (do not tell her in advance you need to talk, she sounds like someone who might get bad anxiety and want to discuss it ASAP or spend all day worrying about it) and just say something along the lines of
“hey, I really appreciate the experience we have had together, and I don’t regret that, but I believe we have come to a point where we are looking at different things in life and I need to experience that without a partner”
Whether that’s true or not shouldn’t matter as she should be able to accept you are no longer interested and if she asks to stay friends its up to you to say yes or no but either way you don’t have to follow through with it after.
As it goes for your family/coworkers it really doesn’t matter what their opinion is, if you are not comfortable, you deserve to leave and be comfortable in your own life. They will get over it eventually
If you honestly feel this way and claim to care about her you need to be honest and say the relationship has checked out for you and you want to end it. I ended a marriage with my wife when it got like that. Lost some mutual friends over it, processions, but won custody of my two dogs. Point is things will change once you end it. You will have good and bad changes but you and her will be better off.
Work out why you dont like her, you said her behaviour is good and used to be perfect, its your responsibility to work out what changed in your mind, not hers to guess.
When you work it out, only then can you explain it to her. Alternatively just say you grown apart and think she deserves somebody who feels more strongly about her.
Its going to hurt her no matter what esp if she knows ya family. Be realistic. Best way to minimise hurt is to stsy friends in theory but it doesnt work when they see you with another woman.
Just straight breakup.
No matter how you do it sucks.
That way there is no wondering can we get back. Make it your fault so she will recover faster and better.