I (F38) met my boyfriend (M27) in January on a dating site. In all honesty, we were only going to met to hook up, or at least that was my intention. We actually really enjoyed each other’s company and continued to see each other and by March we were living together. He is the sweetest, funniest and hardest working man I have ever met. My only issue with our relationship is the lack of intimacy. Since moving in together, we have only had sex five times over as many months. We have had several serious and some silly conversations about my need for more intimacy. He will say he is tired or “later tonight” but the only thing he does later is fall asleep. Everytime he promises “later” or “tomorrow” and doesn’t follow through, I take it extremely personal. What am I doing that has lost his interest? Is my lingerie not sexy enough? Am I not pretty enough? Is he not attracted to me? I have even asked him these questions and he gets upset that I even suggest that hes not interested or doesnt love me. He doesnt like for me to try to initiate sex or touch him and says hes just not a sexual person. When we do have sex, its just a task to finish instead of making love. Yes sex is fun but its also about the intimacy of the act. We are completely missing intimacy. We are just two best friends living together. Im trying to do the right things and have open conversations with him but he still doesn’t understand why its important to me or why Im so hurt when he doesnt follow through. I dont want to keep crying myself to sleep. Has anyone been through something similar? Are we going to make it work or is this doomed?
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He’s 27 ( a gen z) lol he’s probably a porn addict who can’t get it up for real women or he’s on meds that kill his libido. You want regular sex you need a 50 year old
There could be health issues at play. Medication, depression, stress. He could get himself checked, cortisol and testosterone levels for example.
It could be lack of attraction or chemistry yes
It could be that he’s watching porn online
You should try to find out more about him. Is he getting turned on, just not by you? Or is his overall sex drive decreased, and why?
Anyway it seems that this is a big problem for you. Personally I wouldn’t want to be in a sexless relationship either. Some people just don’t have a high sex drive, in that case it might be an incompatibility, and you’d be better off finding people who match you better. But personally I would try to resolve this problem first before breaking up
Honestly…you’re cooked.
Being intimate like 5 times in months? He’s not attracted to you and making excuses.
Only other thing could be he is working very long hours every single day and is exhausted, or he is extremely stressed/depressed about something and is for some reason not confiding that in you, otherwise there is no excuse and u need to cut ur losses
It sounds like he might just be asexual, which means you need to decide whether sex is a dealbreaker in a relationship for you. On the other hand, if you are open to intimacy without sex I would talk to him and discuss initiating it more