My brother (40M) and I have a 20 year age gap and our parents are in their 60s. He has 2 sons which he had in his 20s to an ex girlfriend, his sons are both fully grown and he raised them. 8 years ago he met his current partner and they have a 3 year old together. My brother is an amazing dad, owns his own company and made a good life for himself.
So my brother and his gf and not actually married but they do have a house and child together. He loves her more than anything but ever since the birth of their child she has been a terrible partner. She constantly puts him down and picks fights, she’s rude to our family, always demands the newest designer items and makes him watch the kid after working hard labour everyday while she goes clubbing just to come home drunk and bully him. He has put up with this and tried to make it work for the past 3 years but his mental health is taking a hit and he’s decided to leave her.
They talked it over and they’re going to coparent and are staying friends, he will still support her and his kid and he wants what’s best for everyone involved. Sounds great? Not to my parents. He’s staying here in his old room while they sort things out and they’ve spent the past 2 weeks trying to get him to go back to her. I’d like to add, she is not a single parent left alone, he will have the kid more than she will and she has a very big close knit family who are always around.
My parents think he’s being selfish and keep offloading there opinions onto me and trying to get me to change mine, I’ve been very supportive of him because I was in a similar relationship a few years ago and I guess I really empathise. I’ve tried to explain to my parents that the way she treats him is actually abusive and it’s getting worse, they keep saying I’m being dramatic and that marriages aren’t always happy but you stay together for the kids. This is really getting to my brother because we’re the only family he has and I’d appreciate any advice anyone has to offer on how I could get them to possibly listen or even just get off his back?
Comments
Yo, straight up, sometimes old folks cling to tradition way too hard. “Sticking it out” for the kids is such a boomer mentality, and srsly, it’s not always what’s best for the kid or the parents. We gotta normalize that it’s OK to leave toxic relationships, married or not. Dude deserves respect and peace, not daily put downs and fights. If their relationship is toxic, it’s gonna trickle down to the kiddo too. Best advice, stand ur ground & back your bro. He’s gotta take care of his mental health first. G’luck, fam!
This really isn’t your problem to solve.
Since he lives with them it may give them an extra sense of entitlement to having/sharing their opinions. I know sometimes parents have the “i’m paying for it so I can dictate” sort of mindset. (not right but it exists) Although they may still feel that way regardless him finding another place to live might help.
Dude, tbh idk wht yr parents r on about. No one deserves to be in a toxic relationship & ya bro is doing the right thing. For the kids?? Nah mate, sticking in an unhappy situation “for the kids” can do way more harm than good. U gotta make ’em see that. Try using real examples or stats? Idk but stay firm, u got this. Your bro needs yr backup rn, y’know? Sending you guys all the good vibes. ✌️💪🙏🔥
Sad to say your parents time was stay together regardless. These days hardships and abuse are not tolerated. Infidelity is definitely a bust to relationships. Allow your parents to have their 1940’s values. But let your brother be comforted by getting away from an abusive relationship. Keep encouraging him.
You don’t. It isn’t up to you.