Last summer, my acquaintance (let’s call him “J”) and I ran in the same circles but weren’t close. When all our mutual friends suddenly cut him off, he was left completely alone—and I felt bad for him. I reached out, offered to hang out, and was there when no one else was. From that point on, he called me his best friend.
Over the last 1–2 months, J has changed. He’s made new friends, become popular, and started a job that only gives him 1–2 days off per week. I miss the old days—those spontaneous trips to the next city over, nights at the pub with card games, just us two laughing over drinks.
Nowadays, he only hangs out with me if his other friends are there, he refuses to hang out 1-1 like we used to, if we make plans, he will wait until at least one other person says they’re coming. Instead of pub trips, we end up at our mutual friend’s house doing nothing—no drinks, no games—just vaping, scrolling on our phones. It’s incredibly boring.
When I’ve tried to tell J how much I miss our trips, he gets defensive. His argument is fair—he has limited free time and wants to see everyone at once—but as “best friends,” shouldn’t we compromise? For example, rotate: this week we do the big group thing, next week we reclaim our pub trip.
These talks always turn into arguments, and now J barely considers me his best friend. I’m back to being “just another acquaintance,” even though I’m the only person who stayed when everyone else walked away, even throwing away some of those friends who threatened to cut me off if I spoke to him.
He insists he still cares, but actions speak louder than words. Case in point: I have severe anxiety around clubbing, so I usually sit out and watch Netflix when the rest go out. A few weeks ago I had a really bad depressive episode and hoped J would just sit with me—but instead he told me I was invited to the club (knowing it’d make me worse) and got angry when I said I needed company, not flashing lights and deafening music.
It’s painful to go from inseparable best friends to acquaintances. We don’t DM privately anymore—if we do, it’s an argument. Now we only talk in group chat but even then it’s only when I reply to his message that was directed to the whole group. After today’s fight, I’m tempted to call it quits: stay polite, reply if he texts me directly, but otherwise ignore group chat. I don’t want to officially end it, just accept we’re no longer best friends and protect my peace with limited interaction. The 1-1 pub trips we had just won’t happen again, they can sit in our mutual friends’ mothers house for all I care. I have another friend group from med-school, only problem is that they’re usually at work, with their girlfriend or went home after the final lecture for the week, but when we do hang out, we actually enjoy each others company.
So… should I keep investing in this friendship? Am I expecting too much? Am I being selfish for wanting to go on one of our pub trips every other week or every other-other week?
TL;DR:
I befriended “J” last summer when he had no one else; we became best friends through one‑on‑one trips and pub nights. Lately he’s distant—only wants big group hangs, has little free time, and snaps at me when I suggest private hangouts. Actions now contradict his words of care. After another argument, I’m considering quietly ending the friendship. Thoughts?
Comments
The friendship is already over mate.
Man, I’ve been in a similar situation with an ex-best friend. We were super close for years, like we knew everything about each other, shared the same inside jokes, and honestly, I couldn’t picture my life without them. But then, one day, something just shifted. We got into this huge argument over something so stupid, and after that, we just kinda stopped talking. I tried reaching out a couple times, but it felt like they weren’t really interested in fixing things. It hurt a lot, especially because I felt like I didn’t even get a chance to explain myself or make things right. The whole thing left me feeling pretty lost, like I’d lost a piece of myself that I wasn’t sure how to get back.
After a while, I realized that sometimes people just grow apart, no matter how much you care for them. I gave myself some space to process the whole thing, and I eventually accepted that maybe we weren’t meant to stay in each other’s lives forever. It wasn’t easy, and there were days I really missed them, but I also learned a lot about myself during that time. If you do decide to reach out, make sure it’s because you genuinely want closure or reconciliation, not just because you’re feeling lonely or like you should fix things. Sometimes, it’s okay to let things go, even if it’s hard, because not every relationship is meant to last forever. And who knows? Maybe down the line, you’ll both be in a place where you can reconnect, but you’ve got to take care of yourself first.
Info: Why did y’alls mutuals cut him off?