How do I handle my alcoholic MIL who disrespects me in my own home?

Hi everyone. I need some advice on how to handle a situation with my mother-in-law. It’s been building for a while, and I feel like I’m constantly being painted as the bad guy no matter how much I try to stay calm and keep the peace.

My MIL has had a long-term drinking problem since my husband was a child. She currently lives with us, and it’s causing serious tension. Recently, while my husband and I were out, she got drunk. When we came home, my husband was understandably upset and asked her to come outside to talk. While they were out there, she tried to deflect his frustration by turning it all on me—saying I’m rude, unpleasant to be around, and just overall a terrible person. I overheard her say, “Don’t get me wrong, I love Jazz, I really do,” which honestly felt like a passive-aggressive slap in the face. I walked away, but they stayed out there talking about me for another 30 minutes.

The next morning, she acted like nothing happened. No apology. No ownership. She treated me coldly, like I was the one who had done something wrong.

A few days later, I was in the living room with my 7-month-old son, who was fussy in his bouncer. I was sitting right in front of him, trying to comfort him and give him a chance to self-soothe. She came over and tried to pick him up without asking. I said, “Please don’t pick him up,” and she immediately got in my face and snapped, “What is your problem?”

I stayed calm and said, “My problem is you,” and brought up how she sat outside drunk, badmouthing me to my husband, trying to manipulate him like she has for years. While I was saying this, she stood inches from my face, mocking me with exaggerated facial expressions like everything I said was ridiculous. It felt intentionally aggressive.

I told her, “Get out of my face or I’ll call the cops and have you removed from my home.” That’s when she said, “Matter of fact, I’ll just call them and tell them you’re a bad mom,” and stormed off to her room, slamming the door.

That threat terrified me. She has a history of calling the police on my husband when he was a teen — he was locked up multiple times between ages 13–17 because she called the cops when he’d take her car without permission. I get that boundaries are important, but I would never do that to my own child unless there was true danger involved.

I called my husband and told him what happened. He took her to stay at her sister’s. But that night, while I was out getting dinner with the kids because I was too shaken up to cook, she let herself back into my house without asking and locked herself in the back room. She stayed back there for days without saying anything—no apology, no acknowledgment. Then, out of the blue, she asked me to come talk, and I said I didn’t want to. I told her the only reason she’s even still here is because she’s his mom.

It’s been two weeks since all this. My husband now says I’m “too negative” about her. I’ve explained that I don’t feel safe or respected with her here. I’ve told him multiple times that I don’t want alcohol in our home. I don’t drink at all, and I don’t want it around our kids.

Despite that, she continues to sneak around to drink. She goes to “lunch” with her sister or mom and picks restaurants that serve alcohol just to get drinks. She’s even asked my husband to buy her wine. One day I caught her sneaking in a six-pack of Mike’s Hard Lemonade — double-bagged it and left it by the trash like I wouldn’t notice. I got so upset I yelled “NO ALCOHOL IN MY HOME!” (The kids were at their grandfather’s that day — I don’t normally raise my voice, but I’d had enough.)

It’s not just the alcohol, either. When she’s drunk, she gets louder and more aggressive — especially around my kids. One time we forgot her sauce from Taco Bell and she screamed, “WHERE’S MY SAUCE?” in the most demonic voice I’ve ever heard. It genuinely scared me. I don’t want my kids growing up thinking that kind of behavior is normal.

She also acts like she’s in charge of the house — constantly asking when bills are due, how much they are, and giving unsolicited input like she’s paying them (she’s not). She’ll make long grocery lists of what she wants, knowing full well I have a tight food budget. I had $250 to buy groceries for the kids one week, and she still expected me to prioritize her microwave meals. I got nothing for myself, but she made sure she had what she liked. That kind of entitlement on top of everything else is exhausting.

She clearly knows my boundaries and ignores them. I even texted her sister asking her not to take my MIL to restaurants that serve alcohol, and she still does. It feels like everyone is enabling her. I’m the only one saying “this isn’t okay,” and now I’m the one who’s made out to be the problem.

My husband keeps saying, “What do you want me to do?” or “I can’t just kick her out.” But I’m exhausted. I feel unsupported, unheard, and completely disrespected in my own home. I’m trying to protect my kids and my mental health.

How do I hold my ground and set firm boundaries when no one else is willing to back me up? How do I stop being treated like the bad guy just for trying to create a safe, sober home?

Text 1:
2 cases of water
American sliced cheese
Moolenium crunch ice cream
Stuffers and Marie Callendars frozen dinners (single and family size)
Mountain Dew and Dr. Pepper
Sandwich stuff
Text 2:
Real butter, cereal (corn pops), biscuits, mixed nuts (without peanuts), snacks, yogurt, (3) chicken noodle soup, 2 cases of water, mountain dew, dr. Pepper, stuffers and Marie Callender’s frozen dinners (single and family sizes), bread, sandwich stuff
And a couple of candy bars
REAL TEXTS SHE SENT ME.