How do I know if I’m the problem in my marriage?

My husband and I are coming up on our 2 year wedding anniversary in a couple of weeks. I think I need to leave, but I don’t WANT to yet. I am having a hard time deciphering if I am the problem and deserve the treatment I am receiving or if he is just an immature, selfish jerk. We came into the relationship with him knowing that I have a lot of trauma and mental health issues. I think he became worn out by trying to “help” me, but I never really felt validated or understood by him. I do think he was probably “trying” to help, but I just wanted him to listen and understand. I took on all financial responsibility for the first 4 years of our relationship because he kept bouncing around on what he wanted to do, which resulted in him either doing nothing, or doing something for a few months and then quitting. He has never helped much with housework, even when he wasn’t working or in school. He thinks doing the occasional dishes and laundry is “a lot”. I have built a lot of resentment for taking care of most things. I thought things would get better once he got a good job…I was dead wrong. Things have gotten significantly worse. He cannot handle the stress of having a job and he takes out his stress on me. He has always done things periodically, but it has gotten substantially worse since he started this job. He has only been working it for 6 months. I do see how many things are frustrating with his job, but his lack of resilience at EVERY job disgusts me. There is no room for my feelings, especially if they are “crazy”. I cannot request help from him because he is “too overwhelmed”. He spends his ENTIRE weekends 8-10 hours a day with his friends rebuilding a 70s vehicle and hardly makes time for dates or spending quality time with me. His best stress relief is smoking cigarettes, and he gets angry with me when I get frustrated by him doing so because he doesn’t not share with me how he is feeling, he just smokes or drinks and waits for me to find out, get upset, and uses it as an excuse to go off on me. The other night I found cigarettes and asked why he is doing that and his response was to walk away, crack open a beer (also only drinks when going through something), and tell me he “can’t stand me, can’t stand looking at my face.” He claims I’m never supportive of him, but he is ALWAYS negative and complaint and talking about how awful his life is (including his marriage to me). I told him I struggle to be supportive because I know that when he’s angry, it’s just a matter of time before he takes his anger out on me, so it’s easier for me to keep my mouth shut so I don’t say something wrong. He says I’ve made him anxious and brought him down and essentially that I’ve ruined him. Sometimes I believe him and sometimes I think that’s ridiculous. Just yesterday, he said, “at least you know I felt all weekend” because he was sick over the weekend while we went on a trip and he felt I didn’t have enough empathy for him. It’s like he’s glad I’m sick? I feel like I married a child, but sometimes I understand his anger towards me. I feel like I’m going crazy. We’re in therapy, but I feel like the therapist focuses on me and my mental health issues rather than US, that makes me think he thinks I’m the problem? I guess I’m so confused because with everyone else, he’s so likeable and charming. Everyone he meets loves him. He doesn’t have all bad qualities. He’s smart, good at talking to people, talented, attractive, and a loyal friend. I just don’t understand.