My bf and I have been together for 5 months, lately he isn’t getting me off. And I don’t want to hurt his feelings, he says things like “I’m not enough for you.” Even though I haven’t mentioned that. I just want to make him feel like he is but also be honest.
how do I let my bf know he isn’t making me get off?
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Take charge. Lead him to where and what he needs to do. Don’t be passive.
Just make it about what he does and what you want. It shouldn’t be about enough tbh
You have to talk about it and it’s not easy because guys get their feelings hurt if they think they are not good at sex. Tell him what you like and what you don’t like. If he really wants to be with you, he’ll want you to be satisfied.
Crazy that you would come to reddit before you have an earnest conversation with him.
Tell him what you like
Be straight with him and tell him what you want.
Have an honest conversation with him OUTSIDE the bedroom. You both should know what works and doesn’t work for each other. If he’s the right guy for you, he’ll want to know what it takes for you and should be willing to go the extra mile as long as it doesn’t cross his boundaries. If you can’t find a way to keep you both satisfied with both your boundaries respected consider yourself lucky that you didn’t spend any more time with this guy and move on.
Maybe reframe it.
Tell him you want to see how hard he can make you orgasm and say it would really turn you on to tell him what to do to get you there.
Rephrase things in a somewhat positive and constructive way. Communication is the foundation of all relationships and just say you want to talk about the things you like in bed and what you want more of. If there’s things he does that you’d like done differently then just say i like that better when you do it like this
It doesn’t have to be framed as “you suck in bed and should be embarrassed”, there’s a learning curve with every new sexual partner in a relationship.
Teach him what you like and what works for you
Just endure it for the rest of your life. There’s literally no way to have a conversation about it. No way at all. None.
Don’t tell him…help him get you off in the moment, make him give you foreplay, or whatever it is he isn’t doing…and make it fun, and when he does sell it however it feels and bring up how great that was again later/the day after…then it’s a win for both of you and next time you may not need to guide him…
He’s missing out as much as you are. Nothing is hotter for me than getting my wife there first. It should always be ladies first, whatever it takes. Guys can almost always finish; unfortunately, sometimes they need this to be explained to them. So explain it. …or I can, if you need me to.
It’s a two way street. If you are not expressing what you like you can’t expect him to know. My wife and I have a healthy sex life but if I’m being honest it’s only P to V maybe 20% of the time (probably higher for me after she’s good). She Likes certain things and I do also. If we just rammed P to V every time it would probably get boring and stagnant to both of us.
Literally tell him, tell them qs they are doing it, softer. Harder, whstever.
They have to also listen and take direction
More foreplay. Then once YOU are mostly there, start.
Tell him you aren’t getting off. I mean it’s incredibly selfish for him to not even notice. Either that or he just doesn’t care. He is being a selfish lover and you will grow to resent him for it. His feelings are going to be hurt but that’s on him, your feelings are hurt because you feel used and overlooked in the bedroom. Some conversations just suck in a relationship and this is one of them.
You have to teach him what works for you! How else could he get better?
Absolutely nothing wrong with explaining to him that emotionally he is enough for you, but that physically, you’d like to ‘experiment’ in the bedroom with him more, so that you can both learn what works for you in that regard.
Let’s face it, your ‘equipment’ is foreign to him, he’s had time to practice with his ‘gear’ over a lifetime, but has only had 5 months of groping in the dark without direction from you for five months.
Your post seems to indicate that earlier in your sexual relationship, that you were able to experience release. If I interpreted correctly, then your issues might be solved simply by voicing your pleasure when he’s doing something you enjoy; as simple as, “yes, that’s the spot” would do. Build his confidence and his understanding of what makes you purr.
Yes men hate the idea that they can’t get their girl all the way with just sex. This is where foreplay comes into play. Explain that you need more physical or oral action to get you going. Most men love helping the woman out before the action starts. Watching her reaction always gets them going. Even toys can help if you don’t mind that first. Just don’t get something bigger then he is in size.
If you can’t talk to him, how can you expect a long term relationship? You should be able to talk to your partner about anything.
“Hey man, you’re not putting your dingling near me if I’m not getting something out of it, too. I’m your partner not your sex toy.” Lol maybe not quite that but… Tell him straight up tho like sex isn’t just supposed to be for one person to get off. He should know you’re not orgasming and should not initiate sex unless he’s prepared to do his part in it, even if it takes him hours to figure out. He shouldn’t be cumming if you haven’t yet. Even if it means stopping and gathering himself to not cum.
Don’t spare his feelings. Dudes need to know when they aren’t doing sex right and suck at it. We aren’t here just for their pleasure, and if they wanna get pleasure out of us we deserve to get pleasure out of them, too. If he can’t handle you wanting to be included in the enjoying sex thing, he ain’t the one. He probably ain’t anyone’s “one.”
Good luck. Hope he’s decent enough to just do what he needs to do to be a bare minimum decent partner when it comes to sex after talking to him. Or better. 🍀
Communicate clearly, you did so here, so you could just reiterate that you don’t want to hurt his feelings, but he hasn’t been making you orgasm. Then from that point, work together on communication in the bedroom so that he can figure out with your guidance, how to help get you there. His pride might be initially hurt, which is valid. But if he cares about you, and cares not JUST about your willing participation, but also your pleasure, he’ll put effort into listening and improving cooperatively.
Be wary. Things like saying “I’m not enough for you” can sometimes be a manipulation tactic. This might not be the case here, but it can be used to essentially say, “I feel insecure, and it’s your job to make me feel competent”. So be cautious regarding signs that may indicate this.
Talk to him. I remember my gf now wife. Just upright tell Me” lick behind the ear “
If you don’t tell him. He’ll just continue what his is doing. We aren’t mind readers.
Watch the movie Babygirl with him
My question is can you get yourself off? Apparently a larger than expected number of women can’t get themselves off or have difficulty for many reasons.
Show him what you need or any excited guy will just deliver the bottle rocket experience.
Try opening your mouth
You have a lot of good advice for talking to him and for taking responsibility for your own orgasm so I won’t add there.
But your post says ‘lately’. Has something changed with you? Are you more stressed lately? Masturbating more? My ability to cum can go through ebs and flows and have nothing to do with what the man is doing for me.
I would also suggest investing time to look at if there is a reason you’re finding it harder to finish lately outside of what he’s doing.