My brother (M16) has been smoking weed since he was around 14 or 15 years old. He used to take medication for his attitude problems, anger issues, etc. However, after using weed for years now and developing a dependency on it, he has changed a significant amount to the point where I don’t even recognize him anymore. He now has very hot-headed responses in conversations. He argues with my parents basically on a daily basis, and I see my mother (F39) cry about it because she doesn’t know what to do anymore.
She has tried having conversations with him, but they always turn into arguments. It’s gotten to the point where they’re thinking of kicking him out of the house if he keeps this up. As his brother, I don’t know what I can do. I’ve talked to him personally about it, but he keeps saying he doesn’t care if he gets kicked out because he doesn’t even want to be here in the first place. From my point of view, I just can’t understand why he feels that way. Our parents have always been super supportive, caring, and everything you could ask parents to be.
However, ever since he started using weed and other substances, I feel like he doesn’t realize how lucky he is or how many chances he’s had to make things right.
One of the earliest fights, and the reason I came here in the first place, was about him and my mom trying to practice driving since he has his driver’s test this weekend. My brother was at home since it’s summer break, and he knew he was supposed to practice later that day. However, he still smoked weed that afternoon. My mom was livid because she had told him they were going to practice. Her tone during the conversation was neutral since she didn’t want to start an argument, but it went south quickly.
My brother started stuttering, trying to come up with excuses to make it seem like my mom was somehow in the wrong. He said he thought he would be ready for his test, but my mom said he wasn’t and reminded him that after two tries, he would have to pay for the rest of his driving tests (which she also said to me when I was preparing for mine). After a few minutes of fighting, my brother stormed into his room and slammed the door. That’s when my dad (M41) shouted, “If you ever do that again, you’re getting kicked out of the house.”
This is just one of many fights I’ve seen and heard. I know it may not seem like a big deal, but this is how quickly things escalate. I just don’t know what to do to help my brother or how my parents can fix their relationship with him. I want the best for him, and I know his potential, but I don’t know how much longer I can keep defending him. I try to put myself in his shoes, but some of the decisions he makes are just so hard to understand.
If anyone has any advice or has dealt with something like this, I’d really appreciate hearing from you.
TL;DR
My brother (M16) has been smoking weed since he was 14–15 and has become increasingly aggressive, argumentative, and emotionally distant. He used to take meds for anger issues, but now he heavily depends on weed and possibly other substances. He constantly fights with our parents, especially our mom(W39), who ends up in tears and feels helpless. Despite their support and care, he shows little appreciation and says he doesn’t care if he gets kicked out. A recent fight broke out over a simple driving lesson, and it escalated quickly like many past arguments. As his brother (M18), I feel lost, I want to help him and still see his potential, but I’m also exhausted and unsure how much more I can support him. I’m looking for advice or insights from anyone who’s been through something similar.