How do I (M26) react to her (F25) asking for no-contact and what could be the outcome of this?

r/

This is a bit more complicated than I wish this to be.

Starting of, we met about a year ago after finding each other over an online dating platform. We clicked from the first second and had the best time together.
We both tried to meet as much as possible and grew together rather quickly. I honestly can say that we both knew that this was a one-of kind of connection.
Over the next 6 months we were together officially, met our families and friends and were perfect. Of course we had our differences and some difficult moments that needed dedication to get over but we both individually decided that it was worth it.

Then a few days before christmas (2024) she was at my place and we had a good evening. She brought up that she was about to cancel her rental agreement and that she needed to send a mail for that (sidenote we are in germany). I told her that it would be better to send it via a letter to make sure that she has proof of the cancellation. She told me that that was not true as one of her friends told her so.
This rather quickly turned into a situation were I felt attacked personally as she didnt believe me at all that it was a safer option and didnt want to look it up herself either.
I got a bit louder and her reaction was to pull back. I couldnt handle that very well and it escalated. I wanted to get her to talk, she wanted to leave and take space. I can say that the distance she wanted got me rather anxious and as she was about to leave my place and get in her car (she tried to leave as soon as possible) I said something like “if you get in your car now, we dont have to talk anymore”. She got in and left. The same evening I completely lost my mind and brought her all belongings to her place and told her that I dont know how to move on from this and that I cant do this anymore. This was a decision I made in a still very heated state of mind. The next day I already knew this was the biggest mistake I could have made.

To keep it a rather short, we met again a few days later and after some arguing and trying to understand, we decided to give it another try to see if there was some real change resulting from this. We agreed that this was a new dating stage and that it wasnt “obligatory”.
I did really change and we had a very good time for the next 3 months. We often checked in to see if we keep going at a pace that fits us both, we loved each other more than anything and she often told me that she would have never thought that I would change in such a good way.

Now comes the hard part.
The last 2-3 weeks were a bit different. Before these weeks she was especially happy, found a lot of new things in her live that fulfill her (moving back to austria, subject to study in vienna, time with friends and family) and we came along so good and naturally like never before. Then she got hit by the reality of the future (she actually had to move out and leave her old home back, she had to learn a lot for qualification texts) and she got super stressed. She communicated that this isnt permanent, that we didnt have a problem and that she still enjoyes everything we do just as much but isnt able to put that much “energy”. I respected that, tried to comfort her as much as possible and held myself back for a while. We still spent time together and both felt it as very comforting to be around each other.
After she finished the test that she was learning for, I texted her the same day how she felt now and she told me that there is now such a big burden lifted off her. In the evening I asked her via text if she could give me an update on “us”, how she felt and what she might need.
This is when she dropped that she doesnt know how we can ever work out (regarding that she now will live about 1 hour of car-drive away), that she feels guilty for me changing after all that happened and that she felt split about this for weeks.
We met the next day, cried and tried to talk about the issues that made her feel like that. I dont know if this of any importance but we had sex after that and spent the night together. Generally one could say we had a very good evening and both did not want to leave. She also explained that she is having a very hard time deciding what is best and that she does not want to lose contact. The next morning I had to go to class, we barely managed to leave, didnt want to stop hugging and kept asking for kisses. At some point I had to go as I would have gotten into trouble at school otherwise. Her last words were something like “I love you and hope we will see again”.

The next days were very dry in communication. I explained how I respect her feelings and decisions but also that I didnt feel like this was right. She stated that she is also sorry for what happened and that she needs space to come to a clear mind and heal from this chaos. After 2 days of basically not texting or anything, she told me that she wants to go no-contact for at least a while but that it was not a “goodbye” but a “goodbye for now”. She thanked me for showing her war deep love is like, for everything I did for and with her and said she still wants me to succeed in everything I want to achieve. She then blocked me.

This was now one week ago. My mind will not stop racing, I go through pretty much every emotion one could feel and have no closure about anything to be honest. I never got a real “this is is” or “I will get back to you”. I feel like this is not the end of this and I got to a point where I feel like focusing on myself now and on keeping onto improving myself in a way she inspired me to is now the best thing for me.
(Btw. I do not see this as a break-up)

Now my questions.

How do I react? I feel like respecting her decision completely and trusting her with this process is the best thing, but I am not sure, some part of me will never want to stop fighting, I made the conscious decision that she is the only woman that I want to do life with and I still make that decision every day. I live by “it is her or no one else” every since I first told her that in tears after a while of being together with her.

And what could be the outcome of this? What might her intentions be, what could she be going through?
I read a lot online about similar situations but never quite found something really comparable.
The opinions split wide on this, either people think this is the final end of it all with her or they think that she will surely come back and realize that it will be worth it to put in some effort and to try to get over her fear of commitment for her.

I would appreciate any of your guys’ perspective on this.

TL;DR:
I had a great relationship with the woman I decided to spend the rest of my life with. I broke up in a heated moment but regretted that shortly after. We tried to make it work again but she always had an issue with committing again. After a few stressful weeks for her she told me she doesnt know how we could work out even tho we both feel like we have a great time with eachother and love eachother deeply. We now are on no-contact and I am looking for perspectives on this.

Comments

  1. choodleficken Avatar

    Give her space. Focus on yourself. If it’s meant to be, it will be.

  2. TravelenScientia Avatar

    Sounds like you made your bed by reacting poorly multiples times in a row

  3. MermaidTailBlanket Avatar

    You need to respect her wishes and leave her alone. After all, any sort of contact/connection takes two willing participants; if she doesn’t want to be in contact with you anymore, it’s not up to you to decide otherwise. Also, I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but realistically this is probably over. Someone who sees a future with you obviously won’t just cut you out of her life like this, even temporarily. She’s likely done with all this drama and back and forth, but is reluctant to be firm about it partly because she doesn’t want to hurt you and partly because she’s afraid of another unfortunate reaction.