I’m here for genuine advice. Looking especially for advice from people who have been the child in this situation. I know I screwed up, I don’t need anyone to tell me again.
Two years ago, my ex-wife (F40) found out I had been cheating with my current gf (F29) and immediately divorced me. We had a very civil split and both agreed not to tell our girls what led to it.
A year ago, my gf and I started renting walking distance from my ex-wife. This has muddled our 50/50 custody agreement as my girls sometimes come over while on their mom’s week and sometimes go to their mom’s on my week. They basically come and go as they please from both homes but generally sleep at the custodial parents’ house.
My gf has recently taken issue with this. She doesn’t like that they come over without asking and that we get no kid free time. She’s asked me to enforce a boundary with my girls that they cannot come over on their mom’s weeks unless we explicitly invite them. I told her absolutely not. I pay 100% of our living expenses and I’m not going to make my girls feel unwelcome in a house I pay for. She then made the comment that maybe they wouldn’t want to come over anymore if they knew what I had done and with who.
I’ve decided it’s time for them to know the truth. I can’t have this threat hanging over me. How can I do this? What do I say? Do I involve a third party? Should their mom be there? I just don’t know how to admit I blew up all our lives for nothing. Has anyone gone through this with their father and came out with an intact relationship?
Edit: Just breaking up with my gf is not a solution to this. I’m afraid she will tell them out of spite whether we are together or not.