Hi everyone, I (27F) have been dating my girlfriend (26F) for about a year. While we’ve had good moments, trust has been a recurring issue for me—mostly due to behaviors that make me uncomfortable. These include her being very flirtatious, crossing emotional lines with other women, and drinking to the point of being loud and inappropriate in public.
This past weekend, something happened that I can’t shake. I was riding in the car with one of her close friends (just the two of us), and out of nowhere, the friend told me that the first text my girlfriend ever sent her was:
“I had a dream about you with no clothes on.”
My girlfriend apparently followed that up by saying it was “meant for someone else,” but based on everything I know about her patterns, that doesn’t feel believable. What really got to me was when the friend added—without me prompting—that my girlfriend “will flirt with anyone.” She said it so casually, like it was normal or expected behavior.
This hit me hard, because I’ve already struggled to feel safe in her friendships with other women. She’s joked inappropriately before (like suggesting a threesome with a friend and that friend’s boyfriend), and while she has changed in some ways, the overall pattern of blurred lines and poor boundaries hasn’t completely gone away.
Since hearing that story, I can’t stop thinking about it. I feel anxious, mistrustful, and emotionally distant. I even left the wedding we were attending early because I was so overwhelmed. Now I’m stuck between doubting my own reactions and feeling like I can’t fully trust her—even though I want to.
What I want is to feel secure in this relationship, to know I’m not overreacting, and to be able to rebuild trust if that’s possible.
My question is:
How can I move forward from this and figure out whether this relationship is still healthy for me?
How do I address these feelings with my girlfriend without it turning into just another argument? Or… is this my sign to let go?
Any advice is appreciated—I just feel confused and alone in this.
TL;DR
My girlfriend’s friend told me how they met, and it confirmed patterns of flirtation that I’ve already struggled with. I want to feel secure, but I’m not sure if I can trust her. How do I move forward?