While I(19f) am not diagnosed I’ve come to believe I have vaginismus. Reason being I just can’t enter anything inside me not even a finger it simply causes me pain. I’m truly saddened by it I am a virgin so I was not aware I had this problem for a long time I thought tightness was normal but apparently not to this extent. I’ve always had emotional tension when it came to things sexual and thought maybe if I could penetrate myself that feeling will go away but I’ve had no luck. Sometimes I feel like it’s kinda hopeless how do I not feel sad about this?
How do I not get sad over my vaginismus?
r/Advice
Comments
What does your gynecologist have to say?
It’s okay to feel sad, honestly. Maybe focus on learning about your body slowly and gently, like with relaxation and small steps. Seeing a pelvic floor physio or sex therapist could really help. You’re not broken, it just takes time.
Don’t lose hope a lot of girls have it and like they aren’t virgins anymore. You’ll get ways to handle it with your gyno
There are treatments and diagnostics for vaginismus. I recommend seeing a doctor and getting it checked out to see if you do have vaginismus. Then you can create a plan with the doctor for helping expand/extend the vaginal canal so it’s not as painful for you and you can eventually have penetrative sex while enjoying it. Just know that vaginismus is treatable and it’s not as uncommon as it may seem. You’re definitely not alone and, while it does take time, you will get there.
Trying to force your body can make vaginismus worse. If you aren’t established with a gynecologist find one and have a frank conversation. It’s literally their job. If you have any trauma or secondary trauma related to sexual abuse, a mental health professional is such a gift. There are physical therapists that specialize in this and can work with you to be one with your body and figure out how to explore intimacy without discomfort. It’s absolutely okay to feel sadness or frustration. Emotions are valid.
You need to find yourself a good OBGYN to get a proper diagnosis and see what if any treatment options there are.
I would suggest you make an appointment and discuss it. I believe that’s probably the best place to start.
Pelvic floor physical therapy can help with this. You can learn to relax the muscles. It’s takes a long time and it does require a lot of effort to learn about your body and controlling those muscles.
You need to see a doctor to make sure that everything grew properly in that area. See multiple doctors if you feel like the first one didn’t address your concerns.
There’s a r/vaginismus sub – you might find some good support and advice there, in addition to speaking with a doctor. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.
Go see a female ob/gyn. Ask until you get reasonable answers. There are things which can help. You need an exam to make sure there isn’t a physical problem. There are dilators, lubricants and other things which can help. Don’t give up.
I did some googling, and apparently, there are treatments for this. e.g. You could read about treatment options here: https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/15723-vaginismus Please get treated, and hopefully you don’t have to live with it.
It’s normal for not even a finger to fit inside you; you’re still a virgin. If you have sex, it’ll probably open up more. Not everything has to be vaginismus.
Speak with your gynecologist about dilators. This could be a long process, but it can be managed. Don’t give up hope. No, it won’t be comfortable, but speaking with your doctor about your concerns needs to be a priority.
you need to see a gynecologist…they can help you and let you know how you can help yourself.
Go to an obgyn, rule out physical problems like a stubborn hymen first. Besides that, you just gotta find some way to relax those muscles. There is a whole reddit for people with vaginismus. I dont think dialators work for everyone as they dont fix the clenching issue, they just get you used to the pain really.
Don’t lose hope or be sad. I have this diagnosis and it does suck from time to time. Whenever I go to the OB and have to get a PAP, it’s the most painful thing ever. They are aware and just try to work with me insuring I’m comfortable. I’ve learned to just take things slow and self exploring helps. My husband is aware of my situation also and he understands that things take time.
⚠️ trigger warning ⚠️ we realized mines was due from trauma as a child. I was assaulted/touched by a relative. So now my body just shuts down, even if I’m completely aware I’m safe.
There is resources out there. Get some help and everything will be okay 👍🏽.
Honestly, I think you should be a little careful diagnosing yourself with vaginismus.
If you have tried to penetrate yourself, you want to ask yourself contextual questions too, what was your mood? How did you feel about it? Did you have any wetness or lube? How big was the object?
Women are not simply ‘open’, it’s easier when you’re relaxed and ‘open’ yourself figuratively. If you’re forcing something and not feeling comfortable, you’ll not feel good and it’ll probably feel impossible inside. That’s normal. I’d recommend trying to talk to a therapist or actually get diagnosed because I actually think there’s a very big chance you’re totally normal just not in the right condition and also not experienced.
Darling it’s best not to have this label weigh on yourself, you don’t even know if it’s true. If you want a story from someone else, When I was your age I didn’t even know how to use tampons because It felt like a wall. Lol. I actually thought I had vaginismus myself around that age! It’s all in experience and context. I do not fear that I have that now. You’re not doomed, you’re not broken, you’re not hopeless, you’re not unable to have the things you want. You’re actually quite young, you’re growing, you’re learning, your life is unfolding into adulthood, it is okay, you’re okay. You can have a wonderful life and relationship even if you did or did not have that condition anyway! You’ll be loved as you are <3
You really should be getting annual check ups and papsmears.
If you can get in with a pelvic floor physical therapist they will know exactly how to help you. It could take months, and you may need to go multiple times if you feel symptoms again months after you “graduate” PFPT. It’s something that is treatable.
It may not be 100% cured but if you stick with the tips and relaxation exercises (pelvic floor drops, breath work, dilators) you have a better chance at recovering.
If I (38F) can do it, you can do it. It took me close to 7 years on and off starting in 2016 but I resolved pain and inability to fully empty my bladder, vulvodynia, extreme tailbone pain, hip injury, SI joint instability, and pain with sex in general. I also couldn’t sit comfortably without an ice pack and cushion for about 5 years.
I’m not completely cured but I can enjoy a normal life. I still need cushions but no ice pack, I can have sex without pain 90% of the time, and my bladder issues are anywhere between 90-100% resolved depending on a few factors.
You can dm me if you want help or explanations. I ran the biggest pelvic floor dysfunction for women group on facebook for close to 5 years, I interviewed a pelvic health specialist (urogynecologist) from NYC, I proofread a book written by a different doctor as well for her book on chronic pelvic pain.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s a really tough time, and it’s normal to feel this way. I highly suggest counseling with someone who is not only trauma informed but also familiar with chronic pain. They shouldn’t want to make you feel like your pain isn’t valid. It’s more about another person who is in your corner and cares about you.
There’s a show about adult virgins on TLC (I think that’s the channel) right now and one of the women is in her 30s and suffering from extreme vaginismus. She visits her OBGYN and they film the discussion and some of the treatment. I think watching it could give you some hope. (In the beginning, the patient was hesitant and didn’t think it would work, but in later episodes, she reports improvement). Let me see if I can find a link for you:
https://youtu.be/mFTlo3hTHjs?si=V2Of9ScS36od4OtL
This link shows another sex therapist she visited, but you can at least see the woman and part of the journey.
Hi there,
I had vaginismus for a few years, but I sought help from a doctor, and I am fine now. This doesn’t have to be forever. 🙂