Forgive me if this is the wrong place to post such a thing.
So its rather simple, Throughout my life i have often got on with women genuinely and awkwardly, I used to have good friendships in the past with the girls in school / college but of course, time moves on and people create their own life and have their own objectives to accomplish, lovely.
I’m driven to a lot of different things, the Cozy life, the cute life, sewing, crochet, crafty stuff, im a bloke who used to do nail tech work because it made the girls i knew feel pretty and no one else would, and used to spend time in town dressing up my friends at the time because i was blunt enough to tell them how they looked, no filter. I adore doing these things just casually, why? because its cute.
Dont get me wrong here, im a typical man, i play games, tinker with things, and do silly man quests, but boy i really dislike communicating with most of “the bois” as its expected of me to like football, to be neck deep in the falsity of social media and go to crowded events and produce some ego and be into the latest popular games and whilst many of us love a good flirt and whatnot, i find its expected of me to fetishize women, that just aint me.
I dunno if its an age thing, most of the women i get on with have always been mature even if they don’t think it and it seems most of the men, act like men and that’s understandable to me, im gonna laugh and take the mick out of silly things too, but i have never managed to have deep conversations with another bloke only the women.
I hope this all does not sound out of place, i just find that im misplaced when it comes to attempting to network with people in life these days.
Thanks for reading.
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Are you looking for feedback?
I’m down for meaningful friendships and relationships with men who actually enjoy relating to women, not just dominating women. I hear similar things from lots of men, including my significant other, that he just doesn’t relate to men the way he relates to women.
I think it’s important to point out that (in many societies/cultures today) women are socialized and conditioned to offer emotionally connected, nurturing relationships to others, while men are not. This sucks for men—how sad!—and women—what an unfair burden!
My advice and feedback (which I give to him as well), is find a way to direct this information to other men every opportunity you can, and to make sure you are doing your own self-work to be able to reciprocate the emotional care you receive from primarily socializing with women.
Thanks for sharing your experience!
Why do you need to say it?
Do men get called a pick me (or make equivalent) for this? genuinely want to know
There’s something admirable about saying this out loud. I think so many men are afraid to speak up about feeling this in fear of having their masculinity questioned. Thank you for showing that a balanced personality is possible 🙂
To approach a new female friend and say this to her doesn’t have to be a delicate issue. Are you afraid that what you say will be misinterpreted?
In what contexts have you been called dumb or needy for hanging out with women? I don’t understand the question.
Instead of trying to find a way to say you prefer hanging out with women, change your language to leave out the gender stereotyping entirely:
“I love cozy stuff and crafts, and I’m looking to hang out with people who have similar interests.”
It’s fine for you to have a preference, but you also aren’t reaching out to men who have a much deeper emotional intelligence and enjoy depth in their conversation. Probably because you aren’t hanging out in the right circles.
(And yes, they are a minority. But as we become adults, we tend to bond and make communities with like-minded people. You want to seek them out)
>How do i not sound dumb or needy by saying i prefer to hang out with women?
By describing what you enjoy and look for in friendships rather than stereotyping both men and women in unhelpful ways.
For example, lots of my friends are men and none of them are like the ones you describe. Sure, some of them like football and one or two of them (not the majority by any stretch ) are reasonably handy but I have no idea what you mean by crowded events and social media because those aren’t gendered things at all. There are men and woman who both love and despise those things. I am a woman and I like some crowded events but not others. I am a woman and I couldn’t be less interested in this stuff or in whether something is cute or not:
> the Cozy life, the cute life, sewing, crochet, crafty stuff, im a bloke who used to do nail tech work because it made the girls i knew feel pretty and no one else would, and used to spend time in town dressing up my friends at the time because i was blunt enough to tell them how they looked, no filter. I adore doing these things just casually, why? because its cute.
Not all men are the same. Not all women are the same. Take gender out of it entirely and look for the people you vibe with regardless of gender.
It’s important to remember that the patriarchy hurts men, too – and I think you’ve outlined here one of those ways, and that is when a man’s interests are considered “feminine” the man is looked down upon, more often by other men but some women too. Men who genuinely want a deep, platonic emotional connection with women are rare, but they do exist – and I wonder how much of it is just the want of that deep connection, rather than it being about gender specifically. One of the worst things that the patriarchy teaches men is that they shouldn’t really have an emotional life, and that any emotional connection they do have with another human being must only be with their female significant other only. I really believe that’s a big reason so many men report feeling lonely. We are all emotional beings who need those deep connections with others, and putting that entirely on your SO often isn’t fair. We need a broad range of people with a broad range of emotional connections in life. So if you’re beyond that OP, and find those deep connection in platonic friendships with women, good on you. I’ve known a few dudes like you and always enjoyed their company. There will definitely be women that side-eye you, but it’s only because it’s rare that there’s a man who wants to have that deep emotional connection with you but doesn’t want to sleep with you. Seriously, it’s quite rare. That is probably why you feel misplaced.
My husband has lots of friends. I would say his four best friends are all women. He has male friends who he does some more manly things, like hunting and fishing with, though he does enjoy fishing with me as well.
You like what you like. Just dont be creepy. If the friendships happen, cool.
Throw a crafting party and invite people who would be interested! You’ll probably get a disproportionate amount of women coming, but maybe also some men who also enjoy cozy hobbies.
You sound like a normal human being with personal preferences suited to your own experiences and feelings, nothing wrong with it. My Dad has always been a bit more comfortable around women too.
nah this is not super uncommon. my guy friends & even my female friends’ husbands are often more comfortable w female friends vs male friends. we have deeper conversations & show care & ask questions. my friend’s husband will have long conversations w the girl group about family, values, interests, etc. with his guy friends, they watch basketball and don’t ask each other anything?? it’s wild & sounds kinda lonely
My husband always had women friends and he seems happiest hanging with me and his daughter. He is also good at those stereotypically women-coded things— sewing, hairstyling, cooking and general domesticity. He has a lot of fashion and design opinions. He’s extremely rugged and tough looking and he tends to be a leader among men. Still, he looks for Austen movies but says he is putting them on for my daughter and I. I do not even know how often he has watched the 2005 Pride and Prejudice—when it rains, when he is sick. He’s also really nurturing and tracks my teenage daughter’s cycle and mine in his phone so he can bring us flowers and chocolate at the right time
I also have a male friend who I chat with online. He’s only 28, and he is super sensitive and thoughtful. He has a lot of male friends and female friends.
You are not alone, OP.