Months ago I came here to ask how to manage being with a fiance I no longer loved. I realized it is time to go. I no longer like him that much and the idea of him touching me revolts me. He is a very nice man but somewhere along the way I realized I just couldn’t be with someone who every disagreement I have it feels like I am lecturing him. I realized that the moment he got a flat tire and I had to change it I dont think I will ever feel safe with him.
How do I break up with him kindly? I don’t want to break him into pieces we’ve been together for over 5 years and have already put a deposit down on our wedding, but I just can’t do it with him anymore.
He helps pay for my dogs medical bills, we split grooming bills, we split who buys her food. But, she is my dog I bought her, I do not want him to take her. She is my emotional support animal. How do I make sure when the dust settles I get her?
We have a wedding fund account, is the most logical way of closing this out splitting it in half? I want to make sure since we both tried to contribute to this we both get our money out of it.
Living together break? How do I handle ending the lease, how do I handle separating furniture?
We have a two bedroom is it advisable to just live together to the lease is done? We already have been sleeping in separate bedrooms for months, can we just continue that until the lease ends or will be too much?
I dont have enough money to cover 2bed/2bath alone.
How do I announce to my bridal squad that I am ending this? Will they hate me because we already planned and put deposits down on the bachelorette party? My best friend who is my maid of honor said we could turn it into a celebration of being single, but idk if everyone will hate me.
What to tell my family? My mom likes him because he is a nice man who comes from a good up bringing.
What to tell his family? They already cant stand me and think im a red flag.
Is it okay to take some PTO to just try to destress.
What to tell our friends? my fiance has never really tried to make friends or maintain friendships on his own, I do not want him to loose contact with all of my friends. I know they will choose me but I do not want it to be painful.
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living together after a breakup doesn’t work, I have been there. you’ll watch each other move on and and it will bring resentment, or you’ll end up hooking up eventually.
I’d split the money you mentioned and ask him if he’d rather move out or stay in the house. as for what to tell people, honestly, it’s really none of their business.
and there’s no truly kind way to break up with someone, rejection will always hurt.
Take the dog somewhere safe for the duration. Break up with him in a public space for safety and no drama, quickly and quietly. Give him time to come to terms with it. You’ll split shared assets. Living together for a while is fine as long as everyone is safe.
Tell everyone via text and then take a few days for yourself. His family is his problem.
Pets are property. If you have a bill of sale to prove you paid for the dog, there’s not much he can do about it. Get your stuff in order and take care of what’s absolutely yours, then get a trusted friend/family to watch your dog while you break up and get your stuff out. If you’re worried about how he will react, have someone in the house with you while you break up and move out.
It’s nice that you worry about being kind, but it’s not going to be easy no matter how gently you try to break it to him. I would suggest getting yourself situated and having a plan to leave in place like where you hope to live, and you can even stay at hotel for a bit. Living together won’t work if it’s for longer than a few months but you can also find out how much breaking the lease costs. Sit him down and end it gently, and don’t go back and forth and argue. Yes, you’re allowed to use pto or sick days for this stuff.
That’s said, his lack of friends isn’t your problem, that’s a choice he made and a lesson for him to learn. You’re also breaking up with him, not his family. You don’t really have to say anything to them if you don’t want to but if you do wish them the best and tell them you two are better off separate.
Concentrate on the things you can control. There is going to be some fallout but you can’t be responsible for other people’s actions. First, you have to tell him. If you’ve been sleeping in separate rooms, I can’t imagine this is going to be a surprise. Then notify family and bridal party. Work to get your deposits back. Find a place to stay, while some people manage till the end of the lease, that may not be a comfortable situation. Split things fairly but don’t give in because you “feel bad”.
You just have to take one step at a time. Overthinking about every little thing that might happen and what people’s reactions might be is not helpful, you can’t predict it all.
You are overthinking this way too much, and that’s okay. But you need to take action and end it and end it now or soon you’ll be walking down the aisle and it will be too late. It’s okay to end your relationship. It’s okay if people get mad. It’s okay if people get hurt. It’s not okay to marry someone you don’t want to be with for the sake of keeping the peace.
Best wishes ❤️
You just have to tell him straight-out that you’ve realized it was a mistake to agree to marry him, and the wedding is off. Be classy about it, and give him back the engagement ring. Of course it’s going to be very sad, for you as well as for him. But you’re doing the right thing to break it off before you tied the knot, so keep reminding yourself of that. It will help you get through a very tough emotional scene.
Once you’re both calm again, call your parents to tell them, and have him call his. Don’t give them any of your reasons, although they will likely press you on it while urging you to change your mind. Just keep telling them “It’s a private matter between me and X. All you need to know is that we’re no longer planning a wedding, and it was my decision.” Rinse and repeat. Eventually they’ll get bored with trying to pry it out of you, and give up.
Who cares if X’s parents already can’t stand you? They’ll just hate you more now, and you’ll never have to deal with them again. I find it handy in times like this to remember: what other people think of me…is none of my business!
I don’t recommend trying to live under the same roof with your ex after you split up. Contact your landlord and explain the situation. In some cases, they will let you break the lease early – especially if they already have a waiting list for new tenants, which is common in today’s tight housing market. If you have to sacrifice some or all of your deposit to do that, IMO it would be worth it for the peace of mind. If you can’t get out of the remainder of the lease, see if you can find a subletter to take over rent payments, so the two of you can separate.
I like your best friend’s idea to transform your bachelorette party into a celebration of being single again. But obviously, you should now pay your fair share of the cost of the event, rather than remain the honoree – which may entail refunding money to everyone who contributed to the deposits.
It’s absolutely fine to take some of your PTO to destress. It’s there for you to use however you want. With regard to your dog, the furniture, and your shared financial assets, tell your ex that the dog goes with you, and that’s non-negotiable. For everything else, try very hard to come to an agreement with him that you both consider fair. It’s better to give him a bit more than you think is fair rather than argue about it – especially since you’re insisting on taking the dog. You don’t want to end up doing forensic accounting to try and back-calculate what proportion of the dog’s expenses your ex paid for over the years.
Tell your friends that it was your decision to break off the engagement, but you still consider your ex to be a fine and honorable man – so you hope they won’t just drop him, or exclude him from their social gatherings. However, it’s not your responsibility to arrange play dates and make sure he doesn’t feel too lonely after you break up. If he wants to reach out to your friends, or find a new circle of friends on his own, he will.
This will be a sad and stressful time for you, and for your ex. Try to be as kind to yourself and to him as you can, and keep reminding yourself that in the long run, it will work out for the best. You’ll both be free to find happiness in the future with different, more compatible partners.