My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year, and we became exclusive after 3 months.
A few days ago, I stumbled across a Reddit post he made six months ago — so while we were exclusive — looking for random hookups. I only just found it now.
I confronted him about it, and he said he was lonely at the time and wasn’t sure if our relationship would last. He apologized, said he wants to be better, and asked me to forgive him so we can move forward. I told him I accept his apology.
But I can’t shake the feeling of distrust. I want to move on and give him a chance, but I can’t just flip a switch and feel normal.
Has anyone been through something like this? How do you actually rebuild trust after something like this? How do I know if I’m holding on because I still want the relationship or just because I don’t want to start over?
TL;DR:
Found out my boyfriend was looking for hookups on Reddit 6 months ago while we were exclusive. He apologized and says he wants to fix things, but I can’t fully trust him. Do I try to rebuild or just cut my losses?
Comments
Why should you move on?
He hid this from you for six months. He was actively looking to cheat, even if he didn’t get the opportunity. You SHOULDN’T trust him.
What happens the next time he’s feeling “lonely”?
Let’s be honest here, trying to salvage this relationship is gonna be both hard and time taking, and even after quite a bit of time, there will be the reminiscent lingering feeling of distrust depending on ur age.
Should you try to hold on to this is a question only you can answer and honestly, it might not be worth it in the end.
Also remember, starting over at any point is way better than staying with someone with whom you cannot have peace of mind.
There are two possibilities here.
Either nobody else wanted your man, or somebody did. Which one is worse?
Dump him and find someone better.
Trust is a very mercurial thing where the only thing that can really patch over it (it’s never quite the same again) is time and consistent action. I suppose you have to decide if this is a relationship where you want to be present for that effort – what is he actually doing to improve things? Or did he just say “forgive me this time and I promise I won’t do it again”?
But unless there’s something really fantastic about this relationship, I’d probably just drop it. Halfway into your relationship, three months into being exclusive this guy is sniffing around and the reddit thing is just the evidence of it that you found. He tried to excuse it by saying he was feeling lonely and unsure? Why didn’t he communicate with you?