Necessary context: I’m NC with my MIL. I have a long post history up if you need some entertainment. The most recent drama was after Mother’s Day, when I didn’t acknowledge a gift MIL sent in the mail (I hadn’t been home to check the mail). She and FIL made a big deal of me not thanking them to DH which turned into a major argument between MIL and DH which resulted in MIL giving DH the silent treatment for almost two months (?).
MIL learned of my mom’s cancer and reached out. My mom wanted to post a prayer request and asked that I share it, so I did. MIL sent me a text “Good morning. I just saw your post and there’s no way I could NOT reach out. I’m so sorry about your mom. I’m sure this can’t be an easy time for your entire family. Please know (let her know) we are praying for her. We believe in the power of prayer and know that by HIS stripes she is healed. May her recovery be speedy, complete and whole. Thanking God in advance for his yes and amen. We will be in continuous prayer.”
Maaaaybe I’m being too cynical but part of me thinks the “NOT reach out” was shade, but that’s beside the point.
I do think I’ll respond, but I’m not sure what to say. I’d like to keep it short and not give the impression that I’m open to more interaction with them. I’ve already made it clear to DH that his parents don’t need to know any details of my mom’s staging or treatment.
Comments
Quick Rule Reminders:
OP’s needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don’t be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
^(Full Rules) ^(|) ^(Acronym Index) ^(|) ^(Flair Guide)^(|) ^(Report PM Trolls)
Resources: ^(In Crisis?) ^(|) ^(Tips for Protecting Yourself) ^(|) ^(Our Book List) ^(|) ^(Our Wiki)
Other posts from /u/LabFar6076:
Setting boundaries with MIL regarding my mother’s cancer…?, 2 weeks ago
Oh the guilt tripping, 1 month ago
Update to breaking point + most recent post + upcoming trip to see MIL, 2 months ago
How would you take this?, 2 months ago
Is this my breaking point?, 2 months ago
MIL is here visiting my newborn., 4 months ago
BIL’s gf spilled MIL tea, 7 months ago
I think MIL is messaging me from a fake account , 1 year ago
Day 3 of MIL’s visit. My head is going to explode., 1 year ago
Back again. MIL called DH at 4am screaming because I didn’t respond to her text., 1 year ago
^(This user has more than 10 posts in their history. To see the rest of their posts,) ^(click here)
^(To be notified as soon as LabFar6076 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe LabFar6076 JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) ^(click here.)
^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please) ^(contact the moderators of this subreddit) ^(if you have any questions or concerns.)
NC is NC. Delete and live your best life.
Do not respond. No contact is no contact.
I honestly would just not respond. There’s really no point and the truth of the matter is that she will take your response to mean that you are open to contact.
It’s called hoovering. Don’t fall for it. My MIL tried this many times with her sweet talking. Her charm don’t fool me this time.
No contact means no contact. Don’t take the bait.
React this message with praying emoji’s from your mother’s behalf, say thank you and that’s it. Every other messages that are questions, diggings must be on read.
Do not respond. Vent about it, say or write down all the things you’d like to say. Get it out of your system.
But. Do. Not. Reply.
Because no matter what you reply, it’s still a reply. Which is the only thing she wants. She’ll be smug about the fact she ‘won’ by capitalising on your mother’s circumstances to insert her way into your peace and interfere with it yet again.
Do. Not. Bite.
This is SUCH bait. She sees an easy way in because how could you NOT thank her for her prayers? 🙄 I bet she doesn’t even really care, she just wants a reaction.
Thanking her is not going to change anything, it will just give her more ammunition based on your response or lack thereof. You have more important things to worry about than her fake love bombing. I wouldn’t bother responding.
NO need to respond to that message.
My jaded mind believes she views your mother’s cancer as a way to try and be manipulative of her son and you. Surely you’ll learn to prioritize your parents with your mother’s illness! You and DH will start to appreciate MIL more with this kind of wakeup call/s
Block the witch.
How would you feel if she didn’t exist? Give yourself a moment. Let the possibility in. Breathe it in.
…Did you feel relieved?
If so, block her.
just give her the 👍 emoji it says something but nothing at the same time
“thank you.” feels perfect for this.
It’s an acknowledgement, but nothing more – basically grey rocking.
I’d respond with a simple “thank you” and immediately block her. Be done either way this.
This is going to sound harsh, but please know I mean it from a loving place in my heart and I genuinely want you to be able to focus on your mom. I think you need to block your MIL and possibly most of DH’s family from your social media or put her on a restricted list so she can’t see things. You knew she’d see it, you knew she’d react, and you know that when she doesn’t get the response she wants, she starts lashing out and escalating. You don’t need the drama she brings when she’s playing her roles, and neither do your parents.
If you must respond, I think the best way to achieve your goal would be to refer her back to your husband. Something like, “thank you for praying for us, thus is a very stressful time for our family. While I understand why you’re reaching out, I’m going to request that communication continues to go through your son for both our sakes. I need to focus on my mom right now, and I know you don’t need the stress from possible misunderstandings any more than I do. Thanks again, and God bless!”
Don’t overthink this. If you’re NC, then no response is necessary. Block her from texting/ calling you. Adjust your SM posts so she can’t see them. Anything urgent can be communicated through your DH. Just breathe.
If it was a text, would you be comfortable doing the 👍 emoji?
Tell her ” thank you, I’ll let her know ” . That’s it
Short and polite, nothing more. A simple: “Thanks, I’ll let my mom know.” That way you acknowledge it without opening the door for more contact. Keep it transactional.
If you really feel you need to respond, I think a very simple “thank you” is all you need to say
I honestly just wouldn’t respond. You have a lot on your plate and a response shouldn’t be necessary. Especially since you’re NC. If all you need for peace in your house is a response, I would like the text or hit her with a 🙏🏽. That’s it. She’s using prayer to start a fight which is just so… ugh all around.
You don’t respond, DH does, and just enough to say that you received her message and you and your mom appreciate the prayers. Keep it simple and straightforward, but since you’re NC, the reply should be through DH. Best wishes to your mom as she goes through treatment, and to your whole family as you support her and each other.💛💐🙏🏻
“Thank you. We really appreciate your prayers. DH knows how hard it would hit him if this happened to you or your husband, and he has been my rock. Again, thank you.”
Then just leave it. If she meant it, that may form a foundation for something down the line. If not, well, it didn’t hurt anything.
It doesn’t matter whether it was shade or not. You respond with a simple “thank you, I will share with my mom” and move on as if nothing has happened. Because nothing did.
NC means no contact. Let your husband relay that you got the message and thank her for her words and then drop it. She’s going to use any reply as invitation to reconnect.
Did you share the request in general, or specifically to MIL? If it was to the world at large, no need to acknowledge MIL. If your mom sees her post, she may want to say thank you. You’re just the messenger service.
Maybe not shade, just an acknowledgment of she situation. Pass along the prayers to your mother and have your husband thank his mother. I wish you well.
I would either ignore it or just say “thanks”. There’s no need to elaborate.
Honestly, I would just ignore her. If she needed to she could’ve reached out to your mom, letting her know that she’s sending prayers.