I (19 F) have started noticing really strong feelings of hatred/disappointment towards men, it has come to a point where I am genuinely concerned because this feelings have started to affect my relationships.
I consider myself a feminist, not a radical one but definitely a feminist. I love watching true crime videos and documentaries, I go on twitter a lot, tiktok, instagram, etc. In most of the true crime videos I have seen, often men are the perpetrators (ex. Nth rooms, Sammy boy wives case, attack on 4 girls in Tangshan, etc.) and every single time I see those videos I end up angry, or crying, which I think is a razonable emotion after seeing the cases.
On twitter, my tl shows posts that spark debate towards gender issues and when I read the comments, the male commenters always are so hating, so misogynistic, so mean, and I always get angry and sometimes even fight with them. Keep in mind, I am living in Latin America and Latinos do tend to be more conservative/misogynistic.
All of these experiences have shaped my way of viewing men, accompanied with my tragic romantic life (I’ve had very bad experiences with my ex male partners). All of these have made me lose faith and respect in men to a point where I can’t even talk to most men.
It has even affected my personal relationships, I will be talking to my step-dad, and I literally can’t help but roll my eyes at the most simple and mundane things he does, like whistling or making jokes. He annoys me so much with the smallest actions, which is weird because we used to get along very well.
This also affects my interactions with men who pursue me, male classmates and teachers, even male friends (which I have more male friends than female), etc. I just genuinely can’t trust any man or just stand them anymore. I don’t wanna think like this. I don’t know what to do.
I don’t want anyone to think that I hate men because I don’t have friends, or that because I’m ugly and they reject me and I’m a femcel, or because I don’t have a father or anything like that. I don’t think I’m ugly, and I have had men pursue me. I do have a father figure and my relationship with the male members of my family is amazing. Most of my friends are male and I’ve known them for years.
I’ve just had a really hard time talking to them lately because I just can not listen to them without being annoyed or mad or just noticing everything wrong with them.
I seriously seriously want help. Please.
Comments
You’re poisoning yourself trying to survive a world that already hurt you. Step back from the outrage or it’ll eat the softness you’re trying to protect.
Social media is collecting every example that generates views and clicks in a web of available content and media, it then main lines your brain with short bursts of whatever trend content you’re currently responding to with watch time and clicking/scrolling, this creates a feed back loop where the content becomes more real some how every where all around you.. when in fact social media has built a feedback system in your brain that is going uncontested.
When I was young, people were weary of the internet, they’d say things like you can’t believe everything you read on the internet. Because of some people’s intentions to try to deceive you. Do you feel like that spirit of deception has decreased in the Internet? Do you feel like we’ve adapted better cognitive defenses against manipulation from bad actors using the internet?
This is going to create in you, a response to men. You might see every man, as an amalgamation of every bad thing you know a man has done.. but you won’t see that it’s also men (and women) who make the world spin by them doing the rights things in their jobs and lives. The majority of men are just trying to work to earn and support a family.
These apps have altered your thinking in pursuit of their desire to drive up engagement. And they’ll pay any price, even demonizing a man’s image to a woman. It’s not real, it’s not healthy, watch animal biology clips or something.
It sounds like you are trapped in a social media echo chamber that is directing “men bad” messaging at you with the algorithms. You should know that what’s on social media isn’t representative of who is out there, yet by those messages getting targeted at you, you are cultivating a skewed and unhealthy vision of the world.
You should consider laying off social media and doing more things in the real world. It will take awhile to undo the psychological patterns, but hopefully you can start seeing the world as it is, not as how TikTok and Insta tell you it is.
You should also consider finding a therapist who can help you work through your fears.
Best wishes on turning your perceptions around!
It’s all quite natural. It’s a feedback loop. Society is set against men, society creates people who are set against men, they create content directed against men, this content creates a society where many are directed against men, society creates people who are set against men, these people create content that is set against men, this content creates a society set against men. And in the end, we come to primary needs. For you, as a woman, aggression is needed in a man, disregard for your feelings, so you choose those who show such an attitude towards society, towards women. This saddens you, because all this content around you says that you should like weak, effeminate men. Your brain rebels, reproaches itself. You begin to show unjustified aggression towards all men, including those who are soft, effeminate. These effeminate men become harsher and harsher. They begin to treat women differently. They start showing aggression and disdain towards them. Women who interact with these men start to treat men worse, the content around them tells them that they need to love soft and effeminate men. But nature says that you need a real man, i.e. aggressive and disregarding your feelings. You start to hate these men. The content around you says that they are all like that. You start to spread your aggression to all men, including soft and effeminate ones. Effeminate men, due to constant aggression and refusals, start to become more and more callous, aggressive towards women…
The only person hate kills is yourself.
Stop trying to generalize groups and instead get to know people.
The world is full of amazing people of every race, religion, gender, culture, and region. Every now and then a bad apple gets in there but the average person can remove 95% of the apples by cutting down on social media.
My suggestion would be to limit your social media intake, THAT is the poison.