How do I set boundaries around hosting parties?

Hey everyone, I could really use some advice.

I’m a grad student living in a small village with a great group of friends. There are about 15 of us, and we’re all pretty close.

When I moved here three years ago, I started hosting big parties at my house. It’s one of the few larger homes in the group since most people live in studios, so it made sense. At the time, I genuinely loved it. Loud, crowded parties with more than 30 people, lots of drinking. My house would be a mess the next day, but it felt worth it.

Over time, it kind of became the default party house. I never officially volunteered, but now it’s just expected. I live with my husband, who’s very chill and just disappears to our room when he’s had enough. But for me, it’s become a lot.

Lately I’ve been way busier/stressed with work and just not in the mood to host like I used to. I’ve pulled back a bit, but whenever I do, I hear comments like “we miss the old you” or “everything’s gotten kind of boring now”. It’s meant as a joke, but it honestly makes me feel bad.

One of my closest friends recently asked if I could host a party for his boyfriend’s thesis defense. I actually said no at first, which was huge for me, but eventually I agreed because I care about them and I know it’s a really big day. Still, I feel weird. There are more defenses coming soon and I already feel the pressure building again.

People offer to help clean or organize, but honestly, it doesn’t help. I just want my space back the next day. I need quiet. I don’t want anyone in my house.

I guess I’m trying to figure out how to set better boundaries without pushing people away or being seen as selfish, but I just I don’t know.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

TL;DR: Used to host all the big parties in our friend group, but I’m tired and stressed with work. I want to step back without damaging relationships or feeling guilty. How do you set boundaries when your home has become the “default” social space?