I’ve always tried to be the reliable one: helping friends, working hard, doing what people expect of me. Lately, though, I feel like I’m failing at all of it. I miss deadlines, forget things I promised, and when I try to talk about it, I blow it off so I don’t make people worry.
Last time a friend got really upset because I flaked on plans I had told myself I needed rest, but then I stayed up messing around on video games, ignoring messages, pretending to be asleep just so I didn’t have to deal with guilt. It helped in the moment, but now I feel like I just made things worse.
How do you break out of the “always letting others down” mindset without burning out trying to be perfect?
How do I stop feeling like I’m letting everyone down?
r/Advice
Comments
Basically U DONT let others down, ur making time for urself, people should appreciate it, ur not available all the time. But about THE PLAN if u guys already agreed on meeting, going out or whatever, u should let her know ur not going, cancel the plan when ur not able to go. But don’t leave her hanging because that’s first of all, disrespectful, and would make her think ur ghosting her
Bro, first things first; u’re human, not a superhero. You can mess up, ya know? You gotta stop burning both ends of the candle tryin’ so hard to be perfect. If your friends can’t understand that, then maybe they ain’t really your friends. IMO, I think you need to prioritize yourself first. Srsly, self-care ain’t selfish, it’s essential. Take a step back, hit pause on that guilt train & just breathe. You’re doin’ great! Give yourself some credit man. You matter too. Peace ✌️
You can apologize and be sincere. Avoiding your problems only makes them worse; the fear of disappointing will only grow if you don’t face it.
Don’t promise things you know you can’t or don’t want to keep. If you break a promise you made yourself, you have no choice but to apologize. Other people’s time also matters, you can’t just ignore it
I think it’s normal to feel disappointed if you literally don’t deliver what you promise, any human would feel that way, unless they are a psychopath
You’re not letting people down. You’re just being yourself
there’s not really a cheat code to it. You need to learn how to live for yourself and not for others cause that’s what life is really about. I’m not telling you to be a douche or anything but you need that you’re not exclusively what you can “be” for others. Sometimes we need to be a bit selfish
I think this is a wonderful lesson to learn early in life. And hence do not worry too much.
Learn to understand your limitations, and your priorities, and also the boundaries which you wish to set. This will help you to make yourself the first priority, and then within the excess time available, offer to help people, with clear boundaries of expectations.
All do-gooders have to learn it. You also please learn it 🙂
Best wishes
It sounds like you might could do with a little bit of re-organizing your thoughts and re-organizing your priorities. It sounds like you’re maxing out your energy credit card and people are calling you on it when things fall through.
Take some time to really consider how well you’re taking care of yourself. Are you sleeping well? Eating well? Do you take a multivitamin? Are you making good choices with your time as far as your own self-care?
And take some time to consider the things you say yes to with your friends. Are you saying yes because it feels good in the moment and you’ll figure it out later? Or are you really considering how that is going to fit into your life.? Are you being impulsive or are you planning to make your accepted responsibilities a reality?
It sounds like you could do a little bit of re-organizing and re-prioritizing in both these areas. Because the truth is flaking on people isn’t a great habit to be in, but the best apology is changed behavior.
Be productive everyday, small steps matter
Reliability doesn’t mean availability 24/7. It means being real, consistent, and honest. Your friends will value you more for showing up authentically than pretending to be okay
It sounds like you’re carrying way too much on your shoulders. Remember, being reliable doesn’t mean being perfect or saying yes to everything. Setting small, realistic boundaries and being honest about what you can handle can actually build trust instead of breaking it. Give yourself some grace, you’re allowed to rest and recharge without feeling guilty. Everyone slips up sometimes; it doesn’t define your worth or how much you care.
Start focusing on you. Stop hearing what everybody else thinks. Can you count on them? Be someone you can count on for yourself or you’re not going to be able to be counted on by anybody else