We’ve broken up, he’s moving out soon. I’m driving myself crazy imagining him intimate with new women. We were together 4 years. Please help. I thought we’d be together forever so this is killing me.
How do I stop imagining my bf/ex with others after breakup?
r/Advice
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Rebound hookup to take your mind off of things
What you’re feeling is totally normal. Try to stay present, talk to someone you trust, and give yourself time to heal. It will get easier.
It’s normal and just takes time
You’re torturing yourself with visions that aren’t even real so don’t let his hypothetical future destroy your actual present. Mourn the fantasy block the triggers and remember healing starts when you stop feeding the ghost.
Hii as a girl who got not physically cheated on, I know how hard it is for you.
Take care of yourself. It’s over with him now and move on. Do activities for yourself. Make new habits.
You can do this
What you’re feeling is completely normal your mind is trying to make sense of the loss, and that pain often shows up as unwanted thoughts. Try to remind yourself that these images aren’t reality, they’re just your heartbreak talking. Focus on grounding yourself in the present and giving yourself the same love you gave him. Healing takes time, but it will get easier one day, those thoughts won’t hold the same power over you.
By moving on. He’s allowed to move on as well.
Every time you imagine him with a new woman, imagine yourself with a new man.
You got dumped. So did last nights dinner. Move on.
As a guy who had back-to-back exes cheat on him, trust me, it really does get easier.
i did this for like a year straight over a guy i was with for only 8 months and it made me feel sick every time. really the only thing to do is find distractions and spend time with people you’re close with, friends and family. and let yourself feel your emotions too most importantly. but i think what really helped me was going outside and hanging out with friends. it’s just gonna take time❤️
It’s wasted energy. He’s going to be with someone else. You’ll be with someone else. Control what you can control
small steps matter. keep going
I had this problem with my previous relationship. Instead of imagining her with someone else every time I started to get towards those thoughts I thought about how much of a pussy I am of thinking about it. Eventually stopped thinkint about her. Probably not what a therapist would tell you to do but most likely just takes time.
I can only agree with the others. This is something that only you can fix. Your mind can handle only one idea at a time. When these thoughts come back, choose to think of something else, something pleasant, if possible.
Omg, just reading this made my heart hurt for you. I know exactly what that feels like. It’s like your own brain turns against you, and no matter what you do, the thoughts just won’t stop. I used to cry all the time because I couldn’t stop imagining my ex with someone else. It messed with my mind so much that I couldn’t even get through basic tasks some days.
What helped me was allowing myself to really feel it all—the good memories, the heartbreak, the confusion. I started writing down everything I was feeling, and slowly gave myself permission to grieve the relationship. That process helped me so much that I ended up writing a book about it, sharing what actually helped me heal.
It’s free if you ever want to check it out. I can DM you the download link if you’re interested 💛 It does get easier with time. You just have to allow yourself time to grieve and not beat yourself up because you’re hurting. Be gentle with yourself during this time.
Think of something gross about him and force the ick lol
Valid thoughts, but not rational to keep thinking about them. It’s a self inflicted wound. Pick a date. Honor the date to purposefully stop allowing the consumption to keep taking over you. Honor that date, you deserve it. Boundaries are the most compassionate thing you can give yourself. You got this.
If you really can’t stop thinking about him with others, maybe redirect it to the negatives? Imagine another woman sighing because he’s done X (that thing you asked him 100 times not to do) or hasn’t done Y, that thing you always did for him that he wouldn’t reciprocate. Imagine yourself with a partner that does those things. There’s a reason you’ve broken up, and those bad parts aren’t your problem anymore.
It’s a matter of time(and maturity, it will get easier the older you are, usually).
But also, like with everything like anxiety, stress, sleep issues, burn outs, you name it. You figure out what makes you feel better, what makes you stronger, and what may regulate your emotions. The stronger you are the less will things effect you that is of more negative nature.
Easier said then done, many 30-40 year olds still struggle with anxiety and issues from anxiety like sleep problems.
So take care of yourself, eat enough calories a day, stay hydrated, vitamins, long walks every day(release stress hormones and such).
So it’s one thing to be strong enough when something rough happens(regulate) and it’s one thing to be strong so things effect you less the older you get. People that do nothing in a day has less energy then people with an active lifestyle. Physical activity creates activity if different sort, Inactivity creates more inactivity. Doing nothing creates more stress hormones then walking do, for example.
Stress hormones is always the negative factor behind everything rough, so that’s what we try to stay on top of, to be stronger against it.
(Adrenaline, noradrenaline and cortisol is hell)
The moment you realize you’re thinking about it you’ve become conscious of a thinking pattern. Since you’re conscious of it you have the power to think of something else more productive. Sound easier then done but it’s the only way forward.
Definitely don’t deny your feelings. Acknowledge them, feel them, and redirect them. How you redirect is the work you have to put in.
Many blessings on your journey friend!
Whose idea was it to breakup? Sounds like you still have strong feelings for this guy you said he hasn’t moved out yet maybe you should ask him to sit and have a discussion about what caused the breakup and both of you change whatever it was that caused it unless maybe if it was cheating by either side that might be a little tougher to overcome
I’d strongly recommend to try out a new hobby.
Bf/ex? Which one is it?
Best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else. Let the hookup culture continue. Ewwwww
So if you can’t stop yourself from imagining distressing things, there is a psychological term for it and it is called “intrusive thoughts.” There are a lot of ways for this to manifest, and you’re giving just one example. Sometimes it is a lifelong challenge and sometimes it is brought on by acute distress like what you’re describing. Either way I would try the following (this works for my intrusive thoughts which come from my anxiety disorder):
Notice when you are having these thoughts. Learn to catch yourself before you get too far down the spiral. Notice how it feels in your body (chest aches, cold hands, tears) and in your mind/emotions. Put names on things. Write it down if that helps or say it out loud.
Start trying to catch it earlier and earlier. Notice the warning signs of the distressing thoughts coming on.
With warning signs identified, start firmly redirecting your brain. This can be done a multitude of ways, and it will likely require some trial and error to find what works for you. When my anxious catastrophizing starts, I immediately go to my bookcase and take a cookbook out at random and read a random recipe out loud from start to finish. I focus on pronouncing every word very deliberately. I imagine each ingredient in my mind and imagine myself preparing it for the recipe. I read the instructions and imagine what doing each of them is like. I imagine what the finished recipe is like. Would I like it? Would I make some substitutions? What would it smell or taste like? Usually, this exercise only takes about five minutes, but it will break my concentration on what was distressing me.
It takes some practice and it feels very silly at first, but it does work. Some other things to try is trying to remember every word to a complicated song (if my intrusive thoughts come on when I’m not at home I sing the song “cabin fever” from the Muppet treasure Island), reading a random Wikipedia article, working a crossword or solving a two minute mystery.
if you dont find a way to get this thinking under control it possibly can have u in situations and doing things that you wouldnt normally do becsuse there wrong. jealousy is a WASTED emotion…. it can end up with you n jail or worse because of the things u may drive ur self to doing. plz find away to move on…
Go to doc and get some anxiety meds. Take them for a few months and u will be feeling much better. I call this circular thinking. It happened to me after my divorce. It really helped. Give it a try.
I was cheated on and reading has really helped get my mind off things. When I start to think about him I start to think about the characters in the book I’m reading. Maybe a series would help
Stop letting your insecurities win. He’s moving on, so are you. You don’t know he’s intimate, so stop assuming he is. Fill your time with friends and family. Do things to distract yourself. Break ups suck. Try and love yourself again.
That’s part of life. The human brain works in funny ways, forcing thoughts on you that you don’t want amongst other functions. I dealt with a similar issue with my ex-fiancé 13 years ago. The best advice I’ve got is to just be patient, don’t dig up anything on him and try to focus on your friends, family and hobbies. If the thoughts come up, just wade through them until you calm down. It sucks, but life gets better.
Try imagining yourself with others.