We’ve been together about 5 years, and are in a rough patch that feels like it’s lasted forever at this point. We get in arguments and she’ll scream and yell at me and I’ll shut down. And then she’ll scream and yell about me shutting down. Or give me a very short response window and accuse me of shutting down. And she’ll just keep picking at me, “I’ve wasted 5 years of my life with you”, “I don’t love you”, “I’m glad we had an abortion”, “You’re not a real man.” Things to this effect. Any argument we have for any of her concerns or points I try to explain my position and ask what I can do better for a solution. Any of my reasons are listed as excuses, and she won’t “teach me how to be a man”. She tells me that I don’t open doors or common curtesy things for her or compliment her. But I know that I have and it’s making me feel crazy. I tell her whenever an outfit looks good on her or just if I think she’s looking cute at that moment and she disregards it. I know I hold the door for her because I hold the door for everyone. And I’m at my wits end. I don’t know what to do anymore. She’s upset at our sex life and that I don’t initiate but when I do it’s rejected. She makes constant jabs at how she doesn’t find me attractive or how she hates having sex with me in general. And that’s really daunting to try to initiate into. What do I even do about this? She gets in these screaming awful fits for a day and then is kind and caring the next. Any advice is appreciated.
TLDR: My girlfriend picks at me constantly when I try to disengage from arguments.
Throwaway cause I know she’s got Reddit.
Comments
You break up with her. This is abuse.
Just fucking break up already, damn.
That’s abusive – its not on you to manage that because whatever you do she’s looking for something to attack
This isnt a rough patch, this is an abusive relationship. She doesnt like you. You cant fix this. Go find someone who showers you with love and affection, my guy, life is too short to be with someone who screams horrible things at you.
Damn why you wanna be with someone who hates you?
I can totally relate to you man, sounds like my story
Why would you stay with her?? End it. You will feel SO much better.
By removing her from your life. She is a horrible person, why are you still with her, ensuring this abuse?
Life doesn’t have to be like this, bro. This is bullshit behaviour. Find someone who isn’t abusive. Because she is.
She told you she does not love you. The rest is only up to you. You need to leave this relationship, no amount of work will make her love you more, respect you or stop being abusive.
I am so sorry, but you need to act
This should have been posted in toxic relationships. The answer to 99% of all relationship problems I’ve ever seen come down to one person not setting boundaries or standards for themselves.
All in all it’s just another brick in the wall.
What you’re describing is a communication breakdown which rapidly leads to verbal abuse by both parties eventually. The thing is from reading everything you wrote it seems she has resentment and you need to talk about it if you’re trying to save the relationship. Once true communication breaks down there is no reason to engage or be affected. Nothing said is real and true even though it may feel that way. The best thing to do in that situation is physically separate yourself and check in to make sure things have calmed down. This is common in LTR even if people tell you otherwise. You need to address her statements and find the roots of where they are coming from. If there is no root and the behavior is one sided consider there is someone feeding those words to her most likely during intimate times(yes I’m suggesting if the problems are not rooted in reality she maybe cheating, do not start there tho). There are various and sometimes really simple things that make women snowball into those conclusions and they may not even be your fault and fueled by her perception. They also could be legit things that led her to that conclusion. The important part is figuring out the root then moving forward into an area where you can discuss this and figure out where you stand because I can say this for certain, when this shit starts it’s a bad sign she’s checked out. She can also check back in if you show her your man enough to want what you have, and want to understand how she thinks and feels in a respectful way. Just approach and tread lightly on this road cause it’s a sensitive and possibly relationship ending situation for either of you. This is a sign of dire straights you need to understand to navigate either way
When and why did she have a abortion?
One universal benchmark rule is to ensure that home is a relaxed and calm “base” where you can recharge and reset. Life is tough as it is already, and you cannot be battling life at home as well.
On a more serious note, please have a look at Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Your girlfriend (if it is even safe to call her that) seems to check most of the boxes. I personally suggest you reconsider this relationship, reconnect with yourself, and try not to attract abusive partners (you most certainly will attract another one…it subconsciously feels “normal” and “familiar” for you).
You’re being abused, my friend. I hope you’re able to get out soon.
Hi! Psych major here! I can be firm or soft, how do you want it? I also just went through a vet different break up. I know 5 years is a very long time. Msg me if you’d like 🙂
You break up with her. She doesn’t like you.
None of that is ok my dude. Please find someone who actually likes you a little bit. This person isn’t it.