So I (22F) have been dating my boyfriend (23M) for about 4 months, but we’ve been talking on and off for almost 2 years. Before we started dating, he already had some female friends, which I’ve always been fine with—I have male friends too, and we’ve both known these people long before we got together.
But recently, he started a new job where literally all of his coworkers are women. So it’s kind of inevitable that he’s made some new female friends there. At first, I thought I’d be chill about it—and for the most part, I was.
Then one day, he went out somewhere with two of them and didn’t tell me until he was already on the way. When we talked about it, he admitted he was nervous to tell me because he thought I might react badly. I get that, but it still felt weird that he kept it from me. I asked for reassurance, and I’ve been pretty firm about how I felt because I don’t just let things slide.
Now it feels like these coworkers come up all the time. They’re always inviting him places (they work at a theme park, so it’s usually work-related or casual outings after work). I know he’s not doing anything shady, and we’ve even talked about me meeting them so I can feel more at ease. But every time he brings them up, I get this physical wave of anxiety and start overthinking everything. It’s really hard to ignore.
I want to trust him fully and not let this eat at me, but it’s been getting in my head lately. What can I do to stop overthinking and manage these feelings? Has anyone else dealt with something similar?
TL;DR:
My boyfriend (23M) started a new job where all his coworkers are women. He’s gotten close with a couple of them and hangs out with them sometimes. I trust him, but when he didn’t tell me about one outing until he was already on the way, it made me anxious. Now I get physical anxiety whenever he brings them up, even though he’s been reassuring and wants me to meet them. How do I stop overthinking and deal with this anxiety?
Comments
Personally, the fact he didn’t tell you means he knows what he did was inappropriate. If he had nothing to hide, why hide?
If roles were reversed, how would he feel?
If you can’t trust your partner, it’s better to end things amicably.
My ex got a new job, was surrounded by girls the first time since it was his first job that wasnt construction or shipping for a long time. My ex is handsome and charming, he got tons of attention and it all inflated his ego like a hot air balloon. Within months he had a new girl lined up and was itching to get me gone. He made promises, vows, he asked me to take on so much for him. But in the end i was chopped liver to all these flashy new toys suddenly in his reach. He also tried to hide it until the end, in hopes to keep me as a fallback option if his attempt didnt work out.
I wont say your bf is my ex, but I married this man and gave a blind and unyielding trust to him, and i got burned. Badly. You have a right to your boundaries and your concerns, and if he is interested in you, he will work with you. If he wants to hide things from you, I can tell you with experience that they dont see you as an ally but someone to use until they find better.