i (16f) have had constant monitoring on my phone by my mom (49f) since i was 13. it started because i got snapchat without her permission because all my friends wanted me to get it. she has gone through all my messages and made me unable to download any app without permission from her. i’m not allowed things like instagram and tiktok. i had to beg to be allowed to keep snapchat and to download discord. the thing is, i’m 16, soon to be 17, and i don’t know if i’m too old for this, but i definitely feel like i am. i don’t know how to talk to her and ask her to loosen the restrictions. i don’t know if it will end if i don’t talk to her. what do i say to her?
how do i talk to my mom about taking restrictions off my phone
r/Advice
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Well….you’re too old for it when you start to pay for your own phone. As long as she’s paying it, its her rules. You could always get a job and pay your own bill if its that important to have less restrictions.
You’re not a kid anymore and this control is too much. Ask for trust not freedom and prove you can handle it without sneaking.
Against a controlling mother other teens would just learn to be techy and bypass the restrictions, then mom would get angry, then the teen would learn more ways to bypass restrictions. The fact that she became this controlling implies that deep down she doesn’t trust you and doesn’t trust how she raised you.
Simply ask if when you turn 17 you can get your phone fully unlocked and start making your own decisions about how to use it. Tell her you think you’re ready, but if she disagrees, maybe ask when she thinks you will be old enough for that.
If she says no or is against it, oh well. You’re still living in their house under their rules. At some point you’ll be able to move out and take over your own life, but not yet.
Buy your own things? They get to control you because they pay for literally your whole life.
You’re also not a legal adult and they are responsible for your wellbeing. Maybe it’s too restrictive maybe it’s not, who cares. You will be under their thumb and never have to care for the rest of your life. You’re almost there!
honestly social media can be harmful and too much screentime will hurt you. I didn’t take my sister off parental restriction until she was 18. Though we have had talks and I didn’t restrict her access to social media, just how much time is allotted to use her phone.
You should sit down with your mom and discuss that now that you’re turning 17 soon, if you and her can revisit the restriction on your phone and the reason behind why you want the restriction lifted. Explain to her how much of an inconvenience it is for you to have to wait for permission to download any apps if, one you need it for school or projects, or two to connect with friends and social networking. most school nowadays use social media to distribute information or to connect and chat for clubs activities etc.
Compromising may help your case. for example if she can remove restriction of apps downloading, but you will let her know when you decide to download something new or she can set screentime to restrict usage of your phone and compromise on how much time you’ll spend on them. the details you will need to work out on what you’re will to give up in exchange. But the best way to get through to her would be to show what she can trust that you will be responsible.
Ultimately your mom might just want to keep you safe and away from social media since it can be a double edge sword. So acknowledge that and have an honest conversation with her. Most important thing is to remain calm through out the interaction and if in the end she still say no, accept it and ask her when would she feel it is appropriate for you guys to revisit the subject. building trust is key.
Your mom paid for the phone, making it hers. She also pays for the service making that hers. She gives you the privilege of having and using both. If you want the privilege of having an unrestricted phone it’s time to pay for it.
Social media is poison. Literally destrphing yoir generation. It is a toxic drug that will rob you of yoir most valuable asset – time.
You are not too old for it until you can pay for your own phone. You can asl her for more freedom still – but youll be more successful if you explain why it is a good idea not why you are owed it due to age.
I understand it is your phone and your call – can we discuss a new arrangement. I would like a little more autonomy, and it would be good for me ro manage this on my own a bit more so that it is something I have exposure to while still at home. Then pitch something reasonable: tiktok, she can ask for access whenever she wants but no password sharing, you wont use it more than an hour a day.
It sounds like you want to be treated like an adult. Or at least someone who is becoming an adult. Which you are.
I do not know how difficult she is to approach, but assuming that she is not the type to react in a violent manner, approach her with a calm, and inquisitive stance. You probably understand her better than any one else on the planet. If you cannot do this, you may not be ready to have restrictions lifted.
When approaching, try not to make the conversation about the single topic of the phone. Use it as an example and be upfront about it being important but let it be a part of a larger topic of you growing up and beginning a transition into an adult. That does not magically happen at 18. Ask her how to guide you to becoming an individual who is responsible and capable of achieving self growth.
Also, be honest with her concerns and your short comings. Strong adults take responsibility for themselves and work on not continuing with their mistakes.
Good news. You’ll be 18 soon and then you can get a job buy your own phone and get any app you’d like.
Hmm, this is difficult. On the one hand I understand where you’re coming from, but on the other hand there are a lot of bad people on the internet and the monitoring could have more to do with safety than distrusting you.
It sucks to feel like you have no privacy, but when I think of how many girls I knew at 16 who were being groomed by men on Snapchat and other sites, I can understand wanting to keep an eye on things.
You’ll just have to work hard to be responsible and keep making an honest plea to get the restrictions removed. Either way when you turn 18 the world is your oyster. You may have to pay for your own phone plan, but you’ll have more freedoms as well.
Your mom isn’t a total monster. A lot of teens use social media and communication devices for things that aren’t appropriate.
With tik tok and Instagram, there’s really no proper protection in place to keep you safe from inappropriate content. As much as you are growing up, and as much as you do deserve some freedoms, I can completely understand why a parent would refuse a teenage unrestricted access to phones, computer, and messages they couldn’t screen and control.
Even kids that were the “good kids” growing up, still got into trouble using aol, yahoo chat messenger and MySpace when technology started to pop up.