I have no idea where to start but I 15(f) and my boyfriend 17(m) were having sex a month (give or take a couple weeks) and we’re always careful to use protection and he told me he was wearing one. A little bit later I found out he wasn’t and I told him to stop and after a bit of persuading he stopped. I’ve been angry at him up till now when I’ve discovered I’m pregnant.
I have honestly no clue what to do. I didn’t want to have a baby while I’m in school but I don’t know if I could have a abortion if i go to the local clinic will they tell my guardians because I’m under 18? I’ve not told anyone yet. Not my boyfriend yet because we’re still arguing and not my parents because I honestly don’t know how to go about speaking about this. I don’t know how to decide what to do.
Edit- I’m living in the UK so abortion laws aren’t a issue
Comments
Assuming your mother is fairly normal, tell her privately. Explain what you said here, and ask for her advice. Most moms live in the real world and will respond appropriately. It’s OK if she gets emotional. Just let her get through it.
Also, dump the sorry boyfriend. You can never trust someone who would lie about something that important.
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That sounds like your boyfriend raped you. I think you need to tell your parents. No means no, and he didn’t stop. An adult needs to be involved in this
What the fuck is your boyfriend about. That’s sexual abuse. Report that, dump him and if you need to pay, make HIM pay for the abortion. You can even get some money off that, but that’s a huge red flag for a future with him, so if you don’t do this, at least leave.
Are you in the US, and if so, what state?
Your parents aren’t pregnant. You are
What state u reside in?
If you’re Australian, you don’t have to. The medical age for independent decision making is 14.
Look it up before anyone tries to argue with me about it.
I’m so sorry. He committed a crime, he did! It’s called stealthing, when the male says he’ll wear a condom and then ditches it, without telling you. I’m so sorry. He better be beside you the whole way.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org
In the states, it absolutely depends where you are. I got pregnant at 14, delivered at 15. Baby was adopted, but my life was never the same, my body was never the same. My heart was never the same.
Idk what it feels like, after an abortion. I can tell you that pregnancy and childbirth are a piece of cake compared to raising an actual child.
My daughter is transgender and her local Planned Parenthood was her primary care provider. Call them! They know the laws, they know how to navigate the legal aspect, but they also never judge: they support.
I’m sorry, but you’re in this predicament and now you are the one who has to get out of it. Your darling boyfriend is an idiot, HE isn’t pregnant.
I wish I could hold your hand, OP. I’m here. There is an emergency aunties sub, they coordinate travel, expenses, procedures. That’s all I know about them, but there is another source of support. I’m here, and I want regular updates. I want to know you are okay. DM anytime, babycakes! I felt the guilt, fear, impotence, the whole thing. I’ll hold your hand from here. 💕
UpdateMe
Your boyfriend is just dodgy I mean 15 and 17 is already weird to me but him lying about not using protection is stealthing and not sure where you live it’s illegal and is counted as rape you should definitely break up with him first thing because you don’t want to date someone like that because if he’s lying about that it can only get worse
To mislead a woman about use of a condom is called “stealthing”—as in, stealthily removing or hiding the fact you’re not using a condom. I believe it is a form of sexual assault.
Your rights depend on the state you’re in, if you’re in the us.
I would first and foremost watch this documentary on the factual reality of having a baby: Life’s Greatest Miracle.
Then go peruse r/coparenting so you can get an idea of how miserable and frightening rearing children apart and unprepared is. Having done a version of this myself, and a full decade older than you with some career establishment, I do not recommend it.
Unless your parents have a history of being selfish, cruel and unreasonable, I would tell them. If they do have these propensities, I would tell the school nurse or counselor, or both. Good luck.
That’s called stealthing and it’s a crime in Australia. I see that you’re in the UK but I wouldn’t be surprised if your laws are similar to ours.
You need to speak to a trusted adult ASAP. If you’re not sure your parents will help, go to a professional with a confidentiality mandate, like a school psychologist, nurse or a GP.
I found this. Looks like they won’t tell your parents and you are fine to go without them.
https://www.msichoices.org.uk/abortion/considering-an-abortion/nhs-funded-abortion-care/#:~:text=Young%20people%20under%20the%20age,this%20may%20not%20be%20possible.
first of all, good for you for (trying) to practice safe sex. thats really responsible of you. your boyfriend is a piece of shit. he lied to you about a condom. that isnt your fault. your parents should understand this.
im not sure about laws and age regarding abortions, but i would try and tell your mom just for the support- (if you think she will be supportive) im not sure what else you could have done to prevent this, you tried to be safe, but your scumbag boyfriend lied to you.
please leave him. if he pretended to have a condom on, had to be persuaded to stop having sex, thats considered rape. what he did wasn’t consensual. it may not seem like “rape” but it is. sometimes rape isn’t a violent act. our partners can rape us and take away our bodily autonomy in sneaky ways, like he did. and he will do weirder and worse shit if you continue to stay with him.
youre only 15, it kills me that youre dealing with this. you tried to be safe. but the person you trusted isnt a good person, im so sorry. i hope you find comfort and peace💙
As a 14 year old, I couldn’t imagine what you are going themrough. I mean, that is straight up SA. Report it and talk to your parents.
Whenever you get that abortion, tell him his careless acts has resulted in a baby, the baby is gone and now you don’t want to be with him because he put you in an uncomfortable position and treated you like the bad guy when he wasn’t the one who respected your boundaries. You deserve better. Hope everything works out
tell your parents. just sit down with them and tell them what happened, any half decent parent would help and support you.
for the boyfriend situation, i think breaking up would be the best. leading you to believe he was wearing protection when he was not and then not even immediately stopping when you told him to is rape, and there’s a chance he’ll do it again.
it’ll be hard to tell your parents but definitely the right thing to do. maybe it’ll help if you have a different family member (sibling, aunt) that you trust and feel comfortable with to tell first and they can be with you when you tell your parents for support
i’m sorry this happened to you, you’ll get through it. sending love
First things first, take a pregnancy test. You don’t have to be of age to buy them and they aren’t stupid expensive. You can’t take it until about a week after you should’ve gotten your period, but some let you take them earlier. As for Plan B, don’t take any cuz it’s too late***, and it’s not worth the $50+. Take multiple tests if the first one is negative. If the first one is positive (or any of them, for that matter), you’re pregnant. No such thing as a false positive. Then take a big, deep breath because this can be scary and hard, and you’re not alone.
Hopefully your parents aren’t batshit, and most people with uteri have been through this. Sit down and talk with whichever parent is more likely to be supportive, and you’ll probably go get checked out by a OBGYN to make super sure you’re pregnant.
Abortion can happen a few ways. If you’re early enough in pregnancy and your doc says it’s cool, then have pills that you can take at home. It’s going to be a very shitty couple of days, but you’ll be in your own home. If that’s not what you’d prefer, you can go in for the full procedure, which takes (I’m pretty sure) a few hours. It can be painful, but you’ll get anesthesia. The healing process takes a while. Third option, while not really an option, I miscarriage. Your body may take care of it on its own, but do not rely on that as a means out of this.
I guess your last option would be to have the baby, which is a beautiful experience!! But probably not for someone your age. You’ve only got so much time to be young, and I’d recommend being in a better place financially, housing-wise, and relationship-wise.
ALSO, not to mention, your “boyfriend” absolutely assaulted/raped you. It’s called Rape by Deception (Stealthing) and you shouldn’t see this guy anymore. He clearly does not respect you, your boundaries, or your safety. Fuck that guy.
Best of luck, and I’m sorry you’re going through this 🖤
*** Plan B should be taken within the recommended time frame (I think it’s 72 hours but don’t quote me on that) and ONLY works before you’ve started ovulating. It stops ovulation so that the ovaries don’t release an egg.
I would get tested for STDs since your boyfriend thinks it’s okay to have sex without a condom without your consent. Talk to your mom about it if you’re comfortable. Maybe find a clinic near you and visit their website to learn more otherwise. I’d absolutely get an abortion in your shoes but no pressure though, it’s your decision!!
You need to dump this trash boyfriend. Taking off a condom during sex or not wearing one when he said he was is called “stealthing”. In a lot of places it’s a criminal offence (sexual assault/rape).
Depending where you live, you might be able to make your own decisions as you’d be considered gillick competent. However you might want your parents’ support.
Tell them that you and your bf have been sexually active and that you were careful but that he took advantage of your trust and now you really need their help and support.
But seriously, dump the boyfriend. He lied to you, disrespected you, ignored your boundaries and sexually assaulted you. You do not want someone like that in your life.
Agreeing to use protection and not doing, or taking it off in the act is called stealthing and is a crime. You were assulted by your boyfriend.
Tell your mum asap. She might be upset but I guarantee it will be at him.
I have a daughter who’s 14 and in this circumstance I would be livid – but not at her. I would be burning the metaphorical world down on her behalf. How dare he take advantage of you that way.
So tell your mum, get what you need from the doctors (out of hours and urgent care should be accessible this weekend even with the bank holiday) and ditch the ‘boyfriend’ – he isnot someone who cares about you.
Let us know how you get on x
You can talk to a social worker at the clinic and explain exactly what happened. They will help you talk to your mother if you cant. Don’t wait because of the length of time is running out for your choice. Your education is the cornerstone of your life. Without it your choices are limited. 🦋🦋
Talk to your mom. And break up with your bf what he did is considered rape.
Hey, OP, you know your parents better than anyone here, but I want you to read this because it seems like in the UK you could try for an abortion WITHOUT your parents involvement.
Mind you, though, that I’ve had an abortion alone when I was young, at 19 (coincidentally I was living abroad, in London) and I would not recommend having one alone, so if you think your parents (or one of them) would help you get one, please reach to them; and if not, I’d still advise you to talk to a trusted adult to help you.
Take care.
You can make an appointment to speak to your GP or contact a local sexual health clinic, you can do so without them involving your parents if they deem you sensible enough to deal with it (something called gillick competency) but I would advise speaking to a trusted adult of some sort or a good friend at some point. If you Google sexual health in your county they’ll have resources for this sort of thing.
On a deperate note, your boyfriend sexually assaulted you, please dump his ass ASAP
There is no other option but to tell it to your parents. They are they only ones who will take care of you without any questions asked till you are not married.
I cannot go into the details of your relationship but this is something that cannot be taken lightly. The time to decide is right now. You have to be safe as well regarding your health and make sure you go to the right place. Your parents have to know about this. Do not mind me saying this the way I am but this is what you should do and nothing else. They will tell you what to do and do it in the right way.
In most countries, lying about wearing a condom counts as sexualising assault or rape. Dump him and go to the police.
Start by telling your mother your ex boyfriend raped you, and talk to her about being impregnated by his raping you, and then bring up abortion.
If you don’t wish to tell your parents, most clinics would probably keep your identity secret. Perhaps contact them and ask before you attend to be sure. Sooner or later you might need the support of your parents so it’s best being open with them sooner or later.
Stealthing (removing the condom while having sex or lying about wearing one) is considered sexual assault/rape.
You probably don’t have to tell your parents. Find an NHS phone number and ask them. But if your mom is nice, tell her. You’ll be glad to have someone to support you. Don’t do it alone if you don’t have to!! Keep in mind Reddit is very American, so a lot of advice won’t apply to your situation.
You’re not required to tell your parents, it’s possible to get treated through a family planning clinic if you can get to one.
But what you boyfriend did is rape. You didn’t consent to sex without a condom and he lied to coerce you into risky sex you didn’t want.
And the best way to tell parents is one at a time so you only have one set of emotions to contend with. They’ll be disappointed, scared for you, angry with your boyfriend and perhaps a little with you. But they will almost certainly calm down and know what to do.
But inform yourself anyway. Contact your nearest teen health clinic to get advice on what termination options are available and what is involved. Then the sooner you get treatment the less traumatic it will be for your body.
What he did is called ‘stealthing’. It’s a form of sexual abuse.
I hope they will help support you I don’t know how the UK is for privacy but make him pay for it.
I got pregnant when I was 15. I was scared to say anything so by the time my mother found out I was too far along to terminate the pregnancy. I couldn’t go through adoption at the time because I fell in love with my baby. I should’ve given my child a better life in Hindsight. A 15 year old without any support is not able to parent a baby well. Get the abortion please. I know it’s hard. But it’s harder to give your baby away to strangers. And even harder to raise the baby when you’re not ready for parenthood. A child is a life long commitment.