We had a baby last year, I’m going back to work soon and my husband will be staying home with our kid.
I love my husband and he is great and willing to work hard. But we have different standards of household care and it’s really frustrating us. It’s frustrating me because I feel like my quality of life has taken a dip. It’s frustrating him because he feels like I’m just criticizing him and not appreciating all the work he does.
Some examples:
I like to keep refills of everything on hand (soap, detergent, paper towels, cooking staples, etc). I used to do most of the monitoring for when we needed more and buying extra. He waits until we run out before buying more and doesn’t mind going a day or so without some item. He waits until the gas light is on in the car before getting more gas.
He wanted to be in charge of scheduling appointments for the family. He did a good job for our baby, but nothing for us. I just make all my own appointments now and harass him about his dentist/physical/therapist.
We tried having him in charge of laundry, but he does it so infrequently. He often forgets about loads in the washing machine. After he ruined several of my clothes, I do my own laundry now.
I feel like he’s maintaining his previous level of care, just for the household now. He never used to schedule any appointments for himself at all. He was fine running out of supplies and skipping meals if needed.
This is fair though, right? If he is the house husband, then I should let him dictate our house system and standard of living, right? I don’t think it’s possible to maintain a set of standards too much higher than your own anyways. He already keeps the kitchen much cleaner than his preference for my sake.
Comments
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It sounds like you are more organized than your husband. Perhaps you could just step into the organizing role without pointing out what he did wrong. So just say, “I’ve made a list of things to pick up from the grocery, could you pick these up today or tomorrow”. Or perhaps, “could you start going to the grocery every Sunday afternoon and pick up a few things? I’ll make you a list of what to get.”
There may be a time to have a deeper conversations about things that are bothering you, and that’s okay. However, I would recommend not doing that too much. Having someone point out your faults too frequently can be draining and difficult to deal with. Trust me, I’ve been there.