My (30F) friend (also ~30sF) has a dog. She needs to leave the country for a few days/week for health and family reasons. She asked me if I could dog sit her dog, but I said no. My boyfriend (we live together) agreed to take the blame for me saying no, because I’m a big people pleaser (i’m working on this, but she’s one of my best friends and really struggle saying no to those I care about).
Honestly, even without him saying no I would not be comfortable with dog sitting her dog. The dog (small dog, about 15-20pounds) is about 8 or 9 years-old, still regularly pees and poops inside. I’m pretty sure it’s because she doesn’t get out often enough. She also jumps on couches, bed, countertops, chairs, you name it. She also scratches the door the moment she’s alone (my friend’s door is fully scratched) and had separation anxiety. She’s also not crate-trained.
I am really comfortable with dogs. I grew up with them I myself had one until last summer (a big husky x bernese mountain dog, 90+ pounds). He was a big potatoe, would not (or could not because of his size) jump on anything or anyone, was very calm. He passed at 12 years old of bone cancer, and I cannot even recall the last time he had an indoors accident.
The thing is that I would not even be comfortable with leaving my place and leaving her dog at home alone. I have plants and electronics and other valuables I do not trust her with. My boyfriend is nowhere near as comfortable with dogs as I am. The only dog he lived with was my big boy in his later years, when he was a big fluffy potatoe.
Anyways. My friend is now disappointed in me, because she says she would’ve done the same for me. First, I would never have asked her to dog sitting my dog as he’s big and literally weighs more than her. I’m pretty strong, enough to pick up my dog safely when he couldn’t use the stairs anymore (his old age and arthritis motivated me to go to the gym and lift heavy). I would not be comfortable with her walking him.
Second, I don’t think she sees the red flags in her dog and how she raised her. I’ve known her dog since she got her, but I also never commented much on how she raised her (kind of a not my monkey not my circus thing, which I kinda regret now).
How can I tell her that this is not because I don’t enjoy her dog presence (she’s all cute and fun to be around, but being around a dog and taking care of a dog are two VERY different things), or should I even?
I would feel very silly to lose a friendship over this.
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Just tell her she needs to find someone else because you’re not good at managing her dog. I wouldn’t want to leave my dog with someone who couldn’t handle them.
There is nothing wrong with saying “no” to this or any favor someone asks you.
If you lose the friendship over saying “no” to a favor she asked for, she was never a true friend. Argument over it? Sure, typical close friend stuff. Ending the friendship? Y’all either were friends of convenience or there are other issues going on.
There’s a lot to unpack here, but the main thing is declining to do someone a favor requires no excuses or explanation, it’s your right as an individual to refuse any favor asked of you by anyone, especially a friend.
In this case, you have plenty of reasons you aren’t comfortable doing it but they don’t really matter because you can simply tell her you aren’t comfortable caring for the dog for a number of reasons and that’s that.
You are right that it would be absurd to lose a friend over this and if that actually happens you can rest assured she never was your friend.
“I don’t want to dogsit because your dog misbehaves most of the time”
Make it about what is best for the dog. She would be happier with more attention, less alone time, etc, that you can not provide.
>I would feel very silly to lose a friendship over this.
If you lose a friendship over this, then she is not a good friend in the first place. You shouldn’t be forced into doing something you don’t want to do, just because you are friends.
I think you don’t even need to give her a detailed reson, just “no, I can’t ” should be enough.
I’m as big an animal lover as anyone. And I have two dogs I absolutely adore.
That said, my to our house trained, they don’t destroy anything, they don’t scratch on the door, and they can be home alone.
I feel bad for this dog because it’s not the dog’s fault that your friend frankly is not a great owner. Beyond the fact that you don’t think the dog gets out very much, she has neglected the basics of owning a pet. And she cannot reasonably expect you to take such an ill behaved animal into your home.
When I first got a dog that needed to be house trained, I would never have asked any of my friends to look after them. I would never want my friends to have to clean up my dogs poo and pee because I hadn’t done the work of training the dog to go outside.
You are 100% right here
No. Just no. If she can’t be arsed to house train her dog. I sure would not be arsed to allow it to shit and piss all over my house.
Dogs are smart and can learn to do that outside if they have a loving attentive pet parent.
That right there is a JUST NO situation. She can pay to board the dog like most folks have to. Or she can hire a pet sitter to come in and let the dog out and clean up all the shit while she is away.
I’ve been in that situation and I said I couldn’t help because the peeing and pooping in the house is more than I can manage. But honestly, you don’t have to explain why. It’s perfectly ok to say no, I can’t do that for you.
You should be able to tell your best friend the truth about their dog and their dog’s behavior. I wouldn’t do it in an accusatory fashion. I would just explain that their dog is destructive and you don’t want that in your home.
I LOVE DOGS. I love my dog so much.
But people should raise a dog that behaves and that’s nice to be around. Doesn’t sound like your friend’s dog is that, so you should not dog sit.