Today I hung out with my boyfriend ,his mom had bought my favorite movie so we were watching it . While we were halfway through the movie he put his hands halfway in my pants not fully but on the outerim of my underwear. Everytime I asked him to check the time or check the movie he would then he would put his hands right back on my underwear .I was to scared to speak up. After the movie I was bored so I decided to play Roblox while he was watching me play halfway while I was playing Roblox unprovoked he put his hand up my shirt onto my bra twice without asking. I was to scared to speak up in person because he is a big guy and sometimes people don’t like to hear no .This is all strange to me because one time he asked me for a hug and he told me I didn’t have to hug him if I didn’t want to and he wasn’t going to force me so I don’t understand why he put his hand up my shirt and in my pants without asking . Also if I tell him and it goes wrong he will %100 tell everyone bad things again and might also tell people that he touched me . I understand that I should of said no on the spot but I would have never expected me to be touched like that in my life and that’s the first time I’ve been touched sexually so I was scared How do I tell him over text not to do that again and I’m uncomfortable with it .
How do I tell a guy I don’t like him touching me.
r/Advice
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tell him straight up and don’t take any excuses from him! if he doesn’t understand then he doesn’t respect you! a man who cares about you will never want to make you feel uncomfortable. be honest no matter what
No is no. Simple as that if he can’t deal with that then see you.
You need to tell your parents what’s going on.
You are obviously super young / need guidance but you can’t be in a situation like that where you’re scared to speak up.
Tell your parents.
Where was his mom when this happened? No is no, there are no exceptions or excuses. You are the decision maker here, nobody else. Since you are uncomfortable in his company, make sure you are never alone with him again. He has no respect for you and it would seem you can’t expect help from his mother either.
From what you’re telling it sounds like you’re not comfortable with your boyfriend at all. Is there a reason you’re scared? Has he hurt you or anyone else is the past?
If he’s not going to hurt you, there’s no reason to not tell him how you feel. If there is a chance he could hurt you, talk to your parents or someone else you trust on how to break off the relationship
No is a complete sentence. Someone who doesn’t respect you saying no, is not someone you should be with.
Are you afraid of him in general?
Read the title.
So is he not your boyfriend or what? You wrote “a guy” in the title but apparently he’s your bf? Ngl this is pretty normal boyfriend behavior unless you just started dating.
I have younger sisters and it would break my heart if they were scared to speak up to someone they’re supposed to trust. If your boyfriend continues to make you uncomfortable, trust me there’s hundreds of more guys in the world that would treat you right and would ask you first before touching you without your consent. Tbh as a big sister I just wanna say dump him!!! I still think you should tell him what he did wrong and if he is deep down a good guy he’ll learn for future relationships and it might help someone in the future. Text him something like this, I know it’s scary but you have to just smack send and throw your phone down;
“Hey, I need to talk about something that happened when we were hanging out. When you put your hands in my pants and up my shirt without asking, I felt really uncomfortable. I didn’t know how to say it in the moment, but I need you to respect my boundaries and not touch me like that again unless I say it’s okay. I want to feel safe around you in the future, and that you’ll trust my boundaries and feelings about this. Please understand where I am coming from on this.”
“I don’t feel comfortable with you touching me inappropriately. Please respect my boundaries. I hope you understand that I’m not ready for that type of intimacy.”
You have to set the boundaries. Speak up and say don’t do that. If you don’t next time he will be playing with your private parts in your panties and boobs under your bra.
Why does it feel weird to me? That’s your boyfriend, why are you so scared of him? The way you write makes it sound like there was no previous reason for any of what you’re saying. He touched you because he’s your boyfriend, not because he’s trying to be scary or anything, and again, it’s weird that you’re scared of him the first place. Did he do anything that would give you cause to be scared of him? And did y’all go through anything to make you not want to be intimate with him? It’s just odd
If you aren’t comfortable enough to tell him that you aren’t comfortable, then he shouldn’t be your boyfriend.
And he should know that anything other than an enthusiastic ‘yes please’ is a ‘no’.
How old are you guys, and how is he your boyfriend?
You tell him you don’t want that or like that. You tell him what you do like.
How is this so hard? How is anyone supposed to know what you want if you don’t use your words?
Hot take:
Men need to learn to ask for consent and have more self-awareness.
Women need to learn how to say no
Edit:
I understand why women are scared though. It makes sense when it’s a guy you don’t know well.
But if your scared of your boyfriend then that’s something that needs to be addressed.
But ya know, this is all part of communication which is important for a healthy relationship.
“DONT TOUCH ME, EVER AGAIN!’ Loudly
Don’t touch me; I ain’t want you to touch me; stop touching me; don’t touch me again; I’m gonna go home now; I don’t like this/that; hey I’m not into this; stop it.
As women and girls we are often very scared to offend or hurt someone – sometimes at the expense of our own feelings.
Have a chat with him, and be direct:
“I notice that you have been getting really touchy with me, and I would like to keep seeing you, but I’m not ready for you to touch me under my clothes. Can we slow things down a bit?”
Tell him “¡No me toques!” or “No me toques por favor.”…if you want to be polite.
😁
“hey I dont like you touching me like that, I know were dating but I do not want to be touched like that” you can toss a “I love you” at the end for a little cool off
another be the soft route “I dont like that.. I am not use to this and its making me feel uncomfortable can you please ask me next time?” works just as good
if he reacts negatively, you may have a problem here. He may try to walk it and make it seem like its normal to do that stuff but thats not exactly true, its a preference for couples to decide and you have your yes and no things and so does he.
I can’t blame the guy if you didn’t say no or give him any indication you weren’t into it. So you literally just could text him and say “I didn’t know what to say then, but I’m not ready for you to touch me like that. I’ll let you know when I am.”
But what’s concerning is that you were scared to say no. That shows a serious lack of trust for the guy you’re dating. Has he given you reason not to trust him? Like has he ever been angry and hit you or verbally attacked you or said bad stuff to other people about you? If so, you should have already broken up with him. If he hasn’t given you a reason not to trust him, then you need to figure out why that is.
Part of what helps is working out what to say on the spot so if you freeze you know what to do. And that makes it easier to unfreeze.
“Ask me first please”
Grabbing his hand and removing it. Putting your hand in the way of his hand. (I know you tried things like these, so weird that he ignored them).
I think most of us would feel unsafe with someone who doesn’t ask first, and if someone makes you feel unsafe, please listen to your feelings and don’t see that guy again. The problem isn’t you, the problem is a guy who does overly handsy things without asking first. And if you feel unsafe with them, they’re not the right guy and it’s ok to not see them again.
Your feelings will usually tell you; and it’s important to know your feelings are valid and are sending you a message. I also wondered whether you might have found communicating easier with the right guy; I guess you’ll find out in the future!
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