He always says to me that men NEED it. and women SHOULD give it. overall he’s never ever said anything like that before or have ever pulled out misogynistic things. we live together and have been together for a while, coming close to even marriage. we’ve had fights about this before. i wanna keep this as pg as i can but it involves my mouth haha. it makes me feel sick and sore. i tell him a LOT that i just don’t wanna do it and he gets moody. he says that because he does it to me i should do it. everything else about him is amazing, i love my man and wouldn’t wanna change a thing about our relationship but we just can’t seem to get over this one. i need help to tell him that he will listen maybe some valid points. but also i need advice on how to enjoy it more! i dont wanna take it off the table 100% but i just dont feel comfortable doing it so often.
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No means no. You don’t need valid points.
Tell him it’s a hard limit and that he is welcome to stop doing it to you if that would make him feel better.
Please, act like you love to do it. It will make your relationship complete
Simply face the fact that this could be a relationship ender.
I guarantee he’s not returning the favor either.
No means no, and if he can’t respect that then you need to move on. There are no “valid points” beyond the fact that if you don’t want to do it, you don’t have to do it.
So he’s sexually coercive and withdraws affection unless you perform in bed.
Sounds like a prize.
Your body is your body. He has a hand. He doesn’t get to “use you” like that.
Your boyfriend is a misogynist. You’re not a doll that he can do anything to and he is perfectly capable going without whatever sex act he’s pushing for. No means no, and the fact that he’s refusing to accept that is a GIANT red flag. You are allowed to have boundaries for what you’ll do sexually and just because your bf is okay doing it for you doesn’t change that. I would be worried about him trying to force it on you during sex. You shouldn’t be intimate with him until you get this sorted out. Please don’t brush this off, shit like this makes or breaks a relationship. If he can’t respect your feelings on this it may be time to move on.
Curious if it might be a reaction to a great I had a fear of suffocating so I didn’t enjoy it at all at first but I worked on figuring out how to make enjoyable for me by facing my fear
I had this same problem for a little bit. I kept telling him no and it ruined the mood every time. I don’t exactly remember how we got past that point but I only give him head every now and then. I think I suggested we lay in the dark and talk and rub on each other all over. That way it’ll feel more special and we can talk about what is comfortable for me to do and what I expect from him. He barely gets head and when he does he doesn’t hold my head down or rush it.
Take oral off the table, though the relationship sounds a bit toxic
You tell him with words.
No is no. You don’t want to do it. He wants it. You are both incompatible in the bedroom. Break up, ESPECIALLY if he is being manipulative, coercive, and straight up forcing you. All bets are off.
What is it?
Don’t do oral. Ever. It is becoming the leading cause of mouth and throat cancer, from HPV, which has MANY different strains. Besides, you don’t like to do it! And why should you like it? It is kind of disgusting when you think about it. You may need to dump this guy if he won’t stop pressuring you.
Don’t be so invested in a romantic relationship at 19. I beg you. Figure out who you are and what you want for your life. Then go get it. I promise you, this aint it.
Arguing about something sexual that makes you uncomfortable… and you want to marry this loser?
You just say it. If he is the type of lover that can’t take advice…..not the one for you. There is being kinky and then there is disgusting or harming another lover those are not the same thing. If you are not compatible sexually at this young age there is no hope for a future. A good lover should be a safe place to land that feels like home. If you don’t have that……leave that man alone.
Use teeth. He’ll learn
Men don’t need it and women aren’t obligated to give it, even if he gives it to you. No means no and it’s all up to your comfort level.
Also, you say you’ve been in a relationship for a while, close to marriage. But you’re 19…and he’s 23. I don’t know how long you guys have been together but if it’s more than a year or two, I would re-evaluate how your relationship started.
And, he is definitely being misogynistic, even with this one comment. I’d be careful because once you’re married this could escalate into other areas. Are you sure he’s not like this with anything else? Controlling and you have to do what he says?
No is no. You don’t need a reason. If he can’t understand that, you REALLY shouldn’t marry him. It concerns me you’ve been together ‘á while’ and have to question yourself like this.
Also, coercion is not consent.
As Biggie once said: “and if she don’t suck then we don’t fuck”.
Take it as you will. /s
Girl, this pressure and moodiness is called sexual coercion and it’s a form of sexual abuse. It’s even illegal in some places.
No means no. The fact that you are looking for a “valid” excuse not to do whatever is disturbing. You shouldn’t need a reason he accepts. “No” should be enough.
This is not a healthy relationship and you shouldn’t really consider if someone like this is long term partner material.
If he loves and respects you, you shouldn’t have to explain yourself. Next time he tries to go down on you, say “no thank you. I don’t want to make you do anything you don’t want to do.” If he says “oh but I do enjoy it and it’s hot blah blah blah” say, “so just so we are clear, you are doing this for your satisfaction and not for mine right now?” If he goes down on you in order to receive oral in return, he might stop. Oh well.
Set a clear boundary with him. Sounds like he has some maturing to do. I for one know my husband loves and respects me enough to never coerce me into doing anything I’m uncomfortable with…frankly, if he felt that he was forcing me, he would likely go flaccid.
Make yourself throw up while doing it. He will want you to stop. (Kind of kidding)
You can say no to whatever you want, if he pushes it you can point out that you withdrew consent or said no. Proceeding is criminal beyond that.
Tell him that it feels like he is bullying you into it. If he doesnt care about bullying then hes not the one babe.
Use your teeth while doing it. Bite it. Make it not enjoyable at all. Do a crap job lol
If you want some advice on how to like it more – just concentrate on the head. You don’t need to deep throat it. Just use a hand at the shaft and put you mouth on the tip, only taking in as much as you are comfortable. And you don’t need to do it for a long time. I spend maybe 3-5 minutes giving oral and then stop. We have sex, or if you are not having sex, then just use your hands for the rest.
Please do not let a man tell you how you should service him. If you don’t like it, don’t do it. Loving your man isn’t about being submissive to his every whim at the expense of your own comfort.
First, know that you can use your mouth in combination with your hands (or other body parts) and don’t have to deep throat or do anything which hurts your jaws.
You can use saliva or lube and make your hands into a tunnel and move them up and down as well as side to side, while just using your mouth and tongue on him.
You can also just use your hands and other body parts to give him a lot of good sensations, without using your mouth at all.
Him pressing you for something which you don’t like, is not ok.
The valid point is you don’t wanna do it. If it’s that important to him, you’re not the right woman.
You two are not sexually compatible. He is not satisfied. You are not happy. Expecting him to stop wanting that is not realistic and is mean.
Try either researching how to do it without hurting yourself, going to a doctor to get your potential TMJ checked out (it often causes tightness in the jaw issues and “laying your tongue flat on the bottom of your mouth” tightness issues), or figure out how to tell him that you’ll do hand oral with a really good lube in lieu of your mouth and hope he figures out it’s not because you don’t like him, it just hurts.
If this makes you sore he might be too aggressive, and that has affected your overall feeling of this type of intimacy. You are too young to be in a situation where you are both uncomfortable and questioning yourself, and definitely too young to worry about marriage. The two of you also may not be a good fit. Take time to know yourself better and focus on your own dreams and goals. Worry about a bf later.
So then im assuming you dont like giving head. I mean, if you enjoy it but dont give, being a pillow princess isnt everyone’s cup of tea. I mean, anything really if you like it and dont give, not many peolle will tolerate that. Now, his comment is definitely not OK. Nobody SHOULD do anything and he needs to check that attitude.
But as far as the situation, you said in your title you dont enjoy it but in your post that you want to enjoy it, so is this a matter of you just don’t want to or want to be better at it?;
First, solidify in your mind the reasons you don’t enjoy it. Is it because it simply doesn’t appeal to you, or is it because of something he’s doing? You say you want to learn to enjoy it more: is your issue that you feel self-conscious because you haven’t done it much and don’t know what you’re doing? Because if something he’s doing or you’re feeling is holding you back, those can be overcome (if everyone’s willing). If it’s just because it doesn’t appeal to you (and no other reason), that’s a bit tougher.
Second, have a calm, fully-clothed, outside-of-the-bedroom conversation. Talk it out: if it’s something he’s doing, ask him to modify his technique. If it’s that you feel self-conscious because you’re new at it, tell him that and maybe get a guide you both could use. I don’t know what’s current; just go on Amazon and read the reviews and you should be able to find a good sex-positive guidebook. I’m dating myself here, but I came up in the age of “don’t know something? get a book!” so I don’t know exactly how you’d find a good sex-positive video guide without having to wade through a lot of paid porn and erotica, but somehow, I’m pretty sure there’s a subreddit that could help you out there!
If you’re going to get married, you should be able to discuss things together, especially about sex and other intimate subjects. How he reacts if you try to have a discussion about your issues will tell you a lot: does he get defensive and snippy, or does he listen and calmly speak about his feelings?
Good luck!
He knows you don’t like it and he doesn’t care. This age difference is also highly sus. Please keep your eyes open for red flags because you’re probably missing a lot. What does he do when you disagree with him about things other than oral sex, or is this the only thing you don’t “keep sweet” about?
You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. And he will try to push your boundaries. You have to be firm and say no.
You don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who manipulates and bullies you into doing things you don’t want to do, particularly sexual acts.
You are perfectly free not to do it.
He’s is perfectly free to decide that’s a deal breaker and break up with you.
If you want to learn to enjoy it I can only suggest you take control of the situation.
If he’s going porn Star on you. And I select he might if you are experiencing discomfort he needs to settle the fuck down. Let you take control.
Have him lay back. Shut up. Relax. Abd you take your time exploring, slowly becoming more comfortable.
This is a thing that will take a lot of BJs to get to advanced mode that end with him finishing (and where he finishes is your discretion) . I’ve only met one girl in my life who did it like a porn movie. But plenty of bjs are just a mouth massage and that’s fine.